Thursday, April 30, 2009

Twists & Turns, Moo-Cow Roads & Positivity

I went to a conference today. My friend & I managed to talk so much, we got lost on the way there, as well as on the way home. We had fun. Spoiling-wise, it came nowhere close to my last conference (see earlier blog post about my wonderful annual activity conference experience... already looking forward to next year). The seats were not of the swivel variety this time, and had no smoosh to them whatsoever. There were no decadent coffees to choose from... in fact, I didn't see any coffee at all. There was no dining room set up with cloth napkins, sparkling water glasses and a choice of 3-4 buffet tables (although the boxed Arby's lunch was rather good)... but the company was fantastic! I was a bit disturbed that the tables were so low, there was absolutely no way to cross my 5'10" legs... add a head & torso... you do the math. I always sucked at math.

I have always had a great fear of getting lost. If I had been alone today, driving through small towns I had only heard of (the conference was an estimated 2 hours away... hahahaha!), I would have had a complete nervous breakdown. This is no exaggeration... I would have freaked the hell out! You see, I am blind... of the legal variety... if you do not know me, you most-likely have no idea that I have a daylight-restricted license (due to vision problems, not legal problems). If I ever must drive to a town I've never been to, I either beg for a ride, or my husband... my wonderful husband... will take me for a 'run-through' the day before. The summers are fantastic! I can stay out until 9pm on the longest day of the year! Winters-not so much fun... curfew is at 5pm at best!

I'll share more about my visual impairment at a later time. It's really not important here... except to tell you that I do believe this is why I have such a fear of getting lost.

I remember odd things from my childhood. I remember a lot of funny, goofy times... but I also remember the times I got lost. I remember being at Sioux St Marie one year, staying in a cabin with my mom and dad, sister and brother. My brother was out fishing and a storm rolled in. I remember worrying about him, and running out to find him. When I looked back at the cabins, I realized they all looked alike! I had no idea which one was ours. My heart began to beat rapidly, and I had visions of being lost forever... on the beach... without my family. Then I heard my mom calling me. I couldn't see her, but I could hear her. Somehow I made it back to the cabin, as did my brother... it was a scary experience for me, but it also taught me to stay close to those who loved me.

During our 'lost' time today, I thought about the curvy moo-cow roads we were on, and how the twists and turns are just like life. My friend & I talked about how the swine flu began, and how it is becoming increasingly scary, not only for Mexico and the US, but now for many, many countries. We talked about our healthcare system, and the changes that are coming... we had wonderful conversation, and it swayed me to focus on our chitchat, and not the hills and curves that would normally scare me.

I was enlightened today. I think it's very easy to be afraid right now. There are so many variables... so many changes... I have not watched the news for years now, because of the depressive factor. I think the events and issues causing global panic, and citizens being scared out of their minds is largely caused by our peers. It was refreshing today to be with a friend with a positive perspective. I am not at all saying my circle of friends is negative... we tend to laugh off what we can't change, and I find that incredibly refreshing, too! It was just nice to have these circumstances explained to me in a way I understood... and in a way that did not make me grip my seat in panic!

I think it's extremely important to surround ourselves with positive people right now. Some negativity is a given... it's always going to be there. But as a whole, if we focus on our positive relationships, and the people who truly care for us, our happiness and the fact that we don't want to be scared shitless, the world, or at least a few of us in it, will be more positive and able to help others.

Humor is great. Realism not so much. But if we see our situations and our lives a little differently, I think we could make our part of the world just a little bit better.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Swine? What Swine? It's All About the Flamingos!

Warning: Once again, must warn you... if you are not clinically insane, or close, you should stop reading now. This message will cut down on the amount of hate mail I receive. Thank you for your time... and read on if you're one of the fun ones, like me!
About the Central Ohio Flamingo Flu: DO NOT FREAK OUT PEOPLE! Media coverage will make this a water cooler discussion leading to heart attacks and anorexia. Don't get sucked into these antics. This is a serious case, but nothing Bob the Builder and some stick-poking admission charges won't cure:

There are so many bugs floating around out there... the Plague (hey, we'll all be plagued with something eventually, right?) and now the panic-causing swine flu. It is quite scary if you hang out with people who sleep in barns with their piglet friends, or have a swine fetish. I personally am not a huge fan of pork. I do enjoy bacon on occasion. Whether on the plate, or waddling around in a field, pigs are not my friends. I feel for them with this flu... no one is thinking of the pigs' feelings and the need for pig hospitalization. It's all about the humans! Just leave the pigs out of it, why don't ya? They invented it! Give em some credit.

So, tonight I was very distraught watching our local Central Ohio news station. We are now being overtaken by the incredulous FLAMINGO FLU! That's right! When coming in contact with a Central Ohio Flamingo, you will immediately notice symptoms unlike any other. It is a horrible disease, one that we should slap the flamingos right off their foot for.

Those affected by Central Ohio Flamingo Flu have contracted this disease by having hot, steamy make out sessions with pink flamingos, and by nestling with the birds on swan lake. These voluntary acts are not advised. On the other hand, if you wish to contract Flamingo Flu, consider the two items above your instruction manual.

Symptoms of Central Ohio Flamingo Flu Include:
-Involuntarily standing with one leg in the flamingo position
-Instant craving for crustaceans
-A curvature of the neck which cannot be treated, even by the most holistic chiropractor
-A light pink tint to the skin, eventually becoming a fabulous shade of hot pink!
-Involuntarily singing Coca Cabanna at the top of your lungs, out of tune, whether you have musical ability or not

-Be prepared to enjoy friends and family showering you with affection, hoping to add some color to their winter white skin.
-You may never switch legs. You are in a statuesque position now.
-Your leg will constantly feel as if it is on pins and needles, and once people notice this, they will be swatting at it with sticks and switches. Pretty soon people will be paying admission to see the Pink Flamingo Flu People.
-All proceeds will go directly toward Flamingo Flu research, and my children's college tuition.

-There is no treatment or cure for Central Ohio Flamingo Flu. You may drink large amounts of hard liquor to mask symptoms.
There is Hope!
-If the money raised does help us to find a cure, we will put you on a mailing list. You will likely receive a response within 365 days of the cure.
Contact Information:
If you have any further questions, please contact The Central Ohio Advocates for Flamingo Flu Research. Check your local listings.

Monday, April 27, 2009

My Friend Heda

Warning: This blog post is NOT for those folks who do not enjoy cryptic humor. You won't understand the humor in this at all if you were not born a neurotic, slap-happy goofball. You must have a very special mind to appreciate a head of lettuce talking to you... very, very special. Read on if you dare... but I warned you!

Dear Reader,

My name is Heda (pronounced Head-a). I was delivered at Meijer in recent days. I cannot tell you exactly which day I was thrown into the lettuce bin. I was buried beneath many other lettuce heads of all shapes and sizes (well, mostly round, but we all protrude in various areas). Some heads were rotting onto me, and I was so very thankful when I began making my way to the top of the bin. I would rather be eaten than to live like this... in my own private lettuce hell.

So today I reached the top! Oh, what a glorious day! I sat there for a while, glaring at shoppers choosing my fellow heads, and then I decided to change my attitude. After all, I was at the very tip-top, and pretty soon I knew I couldn't be ignored! It was MY TIME TO SHINE!

So I enjoyed the sprinkles of water the workers sprayed on me, and basked there, changing positions whenever possible to show off my succulent-ness and my fabulous figure. I had very few protruding areas. I was the perfect choice for the woman eye-balling me. I had almost perfect roundness. And so did she!

The woman picked me up and fondled me with expert hands. She fingered my rear and squeezed me like a juiced-up lemon. I was so sure she would pick me! I was so overly excited I could hardly take the suspense.

Just then, out of nowhere, my plump would-be friend dropped me onto the tiled floor. She stared at me for a minute, turned her head in all directions to make sure no shoppers had witnessed her clumsiness and walked away! SHE WALKED AWAY! I just sat on the floor in shock. Thankfully I was sitting in a come-hither position. I knew I couldn't be resisted for long. I had no heads to compete with! I just knew I would be the first one to be noticed. I stuck out like a.... well, a head of lettuce on the ground.

Just then it hit me! Nobody would ever choose me over the others. I was tarnished! Think of all the feet that had walked on the same floor I sat upon. My heart began to break... my leaves wilted a little at the thought.

And then I had a moment of hopefullness. A tall, redheaded silly-looking girl walked by. She looked at me, turned her head and told me she would be back. Was she coming back to buy me? Was I finally going to escape the evilness of Meijer? I prayed! I wanted to be adopted. If just for a short while. I didn't care... I wanted to scream "you can eat me! Just take me home!" But I didn't.

The redhead came back then. I had seen her giggling all the way down to the cheese section and back. She walked up to me, cell phone in hand, and just as she leaned down, I knew she was going to pick me up! ADOPTION DAY! I couldn't take the suspense! I was panting I was so excited! "Come on redheaded mama... take me home!"

As she knelt down, she giggled at me once more and snap! Took my picture. She stared at me for a moment, and at that very moment, I could hear her thoughts.... she was thinking "I want to run over you... over and over and over you with my cart, but I'll resist because you are a perfectly good head of dirty lettuce. I'll leave you here to be plucked up by some other poor sucker." It was terribe... mostly because this redheaded hag was staring at me with such amusement in her eyes, and yet she was thinking of mowing me down!

I stared after her, willing her to trip. She didn't. Little did she know that I would later be gathered by a rich old woman, and after getting me home and into the refrigerator, she would pass away in her sleep, dreaming of the fabulous garden she never had. She had picked me out and washed me, thinking that she would make homemade coleslaw, and impress her lazy garden-club friends with her 'special coleslaw' from her fenced-in non-existent garden she allowed no one near.

I gloriously rotted in her refrigerator for 9 months. No one ever found me until the house was sold. I prayed the new owners would keep me, but my moldiness and lack of lustrous leaves must have turned them off. I was thrown into a dumpster, and later into a huge heap of trash, where I would become even more rancid over time, finally disintegrating into nothingness.

I do not wish this upon any of my lettuce friends. Lettuce all get along. Lettuce not drop lettuce and cabbage and other garden friends at the store, and not pick them up to allow them another chance to find a home. Lettuce love one another... we lettuce know you will eat us. We are okay with that. We just want to be chosen. We just need a moment in the sun. Lettuce have peace... between human and vegetable... LETTUCE.

Your Putrefied Friend,

Heda Lettuce

A Note From the Redhead:

Dear Heda,
I do apologize that I did not pluck you from your sad place on the Meijer floor. I had no idea you were so distraught. I did laugh at you. I couldn't help it. And you read my thoughts correctly... I did wish to run over you with my cart... repeatedly... over and over... but I didn't. I simply took your picture. What harm did that do?

Heda, I need you to know that the reason I did not adopt you is because I did not need you. I needed no lettuce for the spaghetti and garlic bread we were having for dinner. I simply needed cheese.

When I first saw you, I didn't know what to think of the fact that you were sitting all alone in the middle of the floor. I don't believe I've ever seen a single head of lettuce on the floor at the grocery before. I have now! And that's why I laughed!

You DID shine today though... I must tell you... I sent your photo to my friends. We talked about you all evening! Heda, I hope you understand that I did not mean to hurt you. I just needed a laugh, and you provided that. I hope you enjoy your lettuce heaven. Lettuce have peace on Earth! God Bless and Goodnight.

Your friend,

The Redhead

Saturday, April 25, 2009

We're All Nuts! Even You!

I often wonder why people do the things they do. I try not to judge... I would be judged infinitely if individuals were judged on the things we do, think and say.

I was at my wonderful Activity Director conference a couple of months ago, and one of the speakers was fabulous! Her name was Kat. Kat spoke about not judging patients at work, and people in general (the conference was for nursing home activity directors... that's me!).

Kat mentioned that she enjoys pajamas from LL Bean, because they look so cute on the models in the catalogs. When she received her own jammies, she put them on, looked in the mirror and decided they did indeed look cute (she's adorable by the way!)... However, after crawling into bed, the pants rode up. She pulled them back down. They rode up again. Pretty soon she was standing in the middle of her bed, ripping off her pants and throwing them directly onto the floor, not taking the time to get out of bed.

Kat asked us what we would think if we walked by a patient's room to find them standing in the middle of their bed, tearing off their pants in a fit of rage. What would you think? Before her speech, I would've thought the patient was insane. During her speech, I realized that she was brilliant!

Kat's speech made me realize how quick we are to categorize people. It's really amazing how things just click. What she was saying was so blatently obvious! I guess this way of thinking is where the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover' came from. So smart! We people can just be so damn dumb (no offense)!

This brings me to today's story. Mom & I took Abbi out shopping again. Mom & Dad leave on vacation next weekend, and this was our last opportunity to get together. Plus I have been cooped up in the house for a few days, and I was ready to get the hell out!

We had a less-than-lovely dining experience at Max & Erma's. Abbi kept saying her belly hurt (this is drama... not real belly aches) and decided to curl up in a ball and lay down on her chair, while singing loudly for all to hear. As usual, I found the whole situation amusing. Who cares if people think my daughter has issues? She does! She gets them from her mother! So proud... so so proud!

So after our bizarre lunch, we went to Target! I love Target! The shopping experience was fine. Abbi was a bit crotchety, but we dealt. She found a darling purple purse she just HAD to have, so that brightened her spirits a tad. After our shopping excursion, we went to pay. The guy at the register was quite friendly. It was nice! And so unusual! I just don't get pissed at dim-witted cashiers or brainless waiters anymore. It's just the norm. It used to piss me off that I would say hello to the greeters at Walmart and they wouldn't respond! HELLO?!?! Should you be paying me?! You are PAID to GREET! GREET ME! Okay, maybe they irk me a little, but it's just not worth the effort... they aren't going to become nice just because we smile at them. It pisses them off actually... that's part of the reason I say hello! The bigger you smile, the deeper the frown. It's comical.

After we did a little more shopping, we went to Coldstone Creamery. If you have never been, go! It's exceptionally lickable! I've indulged on 3 occasions now, and I have decided it's the best ice cream I've ever had. YUM!

We waited a long time in line. Abbi tried to strike up a conversation with a little boy her age, and his sister, who was probably around 7 or 8. They weren't having it! How rude! I understand not talking to strangers, but Abbi is 4! She didn't know how to take their indifference to her, or their dirty looks. I didn't know how to take them either! Is this how other kids are going to treat the twins when they start preschool this fall? How bad will it be once Logan (2) starts school? I get a little panicky when I think about people being hateful with my kids, and when I actually catch a glimpse of it, boy does it piss me off!

While we were waiting in the very long line (it's worth it people!), Mom & I noticed that the 2 guys working were in slow motion. I have never seen 2 guys make ice cream with their mouths hanging open, stoned out of their minds. These guys were stoned... stoned beyond stoned. WOW! Again, I found this terribly amusing. When Mom placed our order with one of the high guys, he literally stood there for a long while staring at the toppings. Then when he reached for the brownies, it was very much in slo-mo. Mom & I were looking at eachother, while Abbi looked anxiously at the mean kids. I was trying not to laugh, and then I realized high guy wouldn't care. He'd probably laugh with me. Mom had ordered our lickable ice cream in waffle bowls (heaven... I'm tellin' ya!) and 2 hours later (only a slight exaggeration) when high guy was finally done mixing our concoctions, he placed the first one in a regular bowl. Mom politely asked if we could have the other one in a waffle bowl. He asked if she wanted him to put the first one in a waffle bowl. LOL. So, he proceeds to scoop the second concoction into a regular bowl. Mom corrected him. I cracked up... out loud... I laughed at him... with him! As I predicted, he started laughing, too. He was so obviously stoned. It was so unprofessional and so hilarious at the same time. The poor kid needs help... or maybe not... he didn't have a single care in the world. People lined up around the block? Oh, well! He'd get to em when he got to em.

I do wonder why people go to work stoned. I wonder why little kids are so mean to other little kids. I wonder why children like to push other children they don't even know down the slide at the playground, and why the parents don't yell at them. I'm not judging... honestly, I'm not. I just wonder... why, oh, why do people do the crazy things they do?

Friday, April 24, 2009

Prove It Kell!

I don't like it when someone tells me I can't do something. I really don't like to be questioned, and when I am questioned, I tend to question right back. You know what's funny about this whole issue with people telling me I can't do something? I'm the guiltiest of them all!

I normally have a very optimistic attitude. I see the good in people. It surprises me sometimes how quick people are to put others down. Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy gossip. I do. I especially enjoy the gossip which I am not a part of. I just don't like to flame people... well, there are a select few... but I do believe in respecting others.... now onto myself...

I was talking to my husband tonight about my book. We were talking about how authors have deadlines. I have read celebrity blogs stating that they have to have their book written by blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The difference between them and I? They can write ANYTHING! I mean ANYTHING and have it instantly published. I have no one telling me I need to have it done by a particular date, nor do I know if my work of (what I call) art will even be published. I could assign a completion date myself, but instead, guess what I'm telling myself? You betcha! "You can't do that Kell... you have way too much going on"... bad self-talk I tell ya... positive affirmations gone... right out the window!

I find it much easier to sit down to my blog each evening. It's partially the instant gratification... and partially the fellowship. Of course I always feel prouder than proud after certain posts, and a little unsure after others. I'll feel unsure tonight. Give me some IG (instant gratification), K? ;)

I am quite sick and tired of holding myself back. I procrastinate. While I'm known at work and at home for being giddy, silly and fun, I am not known for my close attention to details and deadlines. I'll work on this. I'll work on my book. I do believe I need to purchase a chalk board and write that 1,000 times. Of course, that would just give me one more excuse not to sit down with my book... more procrastination.

This is going to take a lot of effort on my part... I mean A LOT! I need to believe in myself... believe that I can make this happen, and quit telling myself that I can't. I can! Now I'll prove it!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Sweetest Blessings

This blog post is proud to be linked to:

When I sit down to type a new blog entry, I often go with the feeling I am having at the moment. Yesterday's entry about the 80s and 90s was so much fun for me... and I have to admit, I'm extremely amused with the feedback I have received following that post! I love that there are so many people out there with crazy personalities, or lots of folks who at least appreciate the maniacs out there! We appreciate your appreciation! :0)

Tonight I find myself feeling extremely blessed. While my three young children are tucked into their beds, sleeping soundly without a care in the world, I sit here thinking about how incredibly fortunate we are to have 3 healthy, happy, very lively children.

When I pick up the newspaper and read an obituary for a child, I immediately get choked up. I can't stand to think of little ones hurting in any way... and the realization that children truly are hurting is overwhelmingly sad. I often have the urge to turn off TV shows if they pertain to children being abused, young ones with illness, babies dying, etc. But then I realize how these stories move me to hold my children tighter, tell them I love them even more, offer hugs and kisses when they're in the mood to snuggle, and play with them when they ask. Oh, how I would regret it if I ignored a request to spend time together, and later learned that it had been my last opportunity.

My heart goes out to parents and other family members and friends who have a terminally ill child, who have to worry every day whether their little one will need to go to the emergency room or worse. It breaks my heart. I want to protect both the child and the family from their hurt and heartache, and I know that isn't possible. While miracles do happen, small blessings do pass and leave behind those who love them. It is heart-wrenching for me to think about.

Grey's Anatomy inspired this post tonight. The little girl with terminal illness who drifted off to sleep forever in her daddy's arms brought instant tears to my eyes, and an instant throb to my heart. I cannot even imagine going through something so horrible. I cannot imagine letting one of my babies go... I just can't fathom it.

This episode of Grey's has reminded me to literally count my blessings, hold them close and to never, ever let myself forget how incredibly special they really are. For the smallest blessings leave the biggest impressions on our hearts.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pulling Out the Aquanet, LipSmackers and Boombox... My Tribute to the 80s & early 90s

This post is proud to be part of:

I'm sitting here tonight in my rainbow leg-warmers, eating Pop Rocks, listening to my NKOTB cassette tape and contemplating playing Twister. I'm getting ready to put on my leotard, work out to some Jane Fonda, bedazzle my pretty pink Caboodle, and then when it's all done... I'll lay down on my daybed with the satin pink ruffled bedspread and read some Judy Blume. Since my hair will get flat from laying around, I'll have to pull out my comb, tease my hair and spray it with Aquanet, only after applying Sun-In for that beachy look. After that, I'll break out my breakdance moves, while listening to my pink boombox and drinking some Tang. How enjoyable it is being in my 80s/90s timewarp!

I was born in 1979. I was a child of the 80s and early 90s. I enjoyed my scrunchies, my huge bangs, my tight-rolled jeans, my music (ie, Poison's Unskinny Bop, Def Leppard's Hysteria cassette, ALL of Debbie Gibson's music, C+C Music Factory, Tiffany's I Think We're Alone Now, Cyndi Lauper's True Colors and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, New Kids on the Block's Hangin' Tough and Please Don't Go Girl and MANY more). I also enjoyed my Lik-Em-Aid and Hubba Bubba... and who could forget nose candy... LOL... just kidding... I never went there... well, kinda...

Alright, so all joking aside, I think it's quite fun being a material girl in a material world. I DO miss my pink Caboodle with the multi-trays, all ready for my headbands, blue eyeshadow and Love's Baby Soft. The Easter bunny brought me Baby Soft for Easter this year, and you know what? I still love it! My friend Kara has also offered me her 90s Caboodle, which I plan to immediately bedazzle and fill with my crimper, my Swatch and my woven-thread friendship bracelets. All the while, I'll be watching The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, wishing I looked like Molly Ringwald and hanging out with Duckie. Wow! I can't wait...

It's so funny looking back! Before tonight and my reminiscing with old friends, I had forgotten about so many of these things! I truly did work out to Jane Fonda & Richard Simmons... Mom was always stocked up on good VHS tapes!

I remember being outside in my jellies, toting around my Strawberry Shortcake doll with the HUGE head, with my boombox turned up so loud, screaming along to "We Built this City on Rock & Roll"... such good times!

I'd ride my bike to meet my friend Amy half-way, although she always wound up riding further than me! We'd watch Johnny and Baby dance over and over again, wishing we could hold on to those muscled biceps! Yum!

I also remember Amy & I laughing so hard at one of our sleepovers that I spit grape juice all over her bedroom! I didn't think miss Judy would EVER let me come back! Amy enjoyed staying at my house anyway because of the abundance of 'fun food'... I believe I remember Amy's Mom always making me drink the milk left in my cereal bowl, which I dreaded... I still don't do that. My kids do. I am SO becoming a true parent... do as I say, and not as I do.

I wonder how the kids of this decade will reminisce... in 15 years, will iPods and Laptops be a thing of the past? Will they laugh at the fact they used to listen to Katy Perry and Gavin DeGraw? Will they giggle uncontrollably about their low-ride jeans and their thongs sticking out above them for the whole world to see... (I laugh uncontrollably about that now)! Will they blush when they think about bikini waxes and having bars put in their ears, and the holes they have left behind.

I remember when it meant that a guy was gay if he had both ears pierced, and it was cool to wear bibs with one side unfastened. I just wonder if the kids of today will look back at this era and remember it as their 'Good Old Days'...

The world seems so much more complicated now that Bonnie Bell's Lip Smackers are no longer a must-have and we don't hear Tears for Fears on the radio anymore. It's a shame really... that bangle bracelets are no longer layered up our arms and Jazzercise is not the fitness group of choice.

Oh, to sit here and remember... it's such a nostalgic feeling... I feel like a young girl getting ready to watch Fraggle Rock with my Popple and my Pound Puppies. Maybe I'll Google Pogo Balls and Roller Racers and order some pre-owned goodness. If I do, I'll invite you all over! We can play with Teddy Ruxpin and call 867-5309 together. Good times ahead friends... good times...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

My Fondness for Gavin DeGraw & some gossip that would make him NOT fond of me :0)

Well, I blogged last week about how dissapointed I was that we did not get our tickets for the Gavin DeGraw concert in time.
I've been a bit sad about it ever since... but then I realized that no experience could possibly top the Gavin experience I had last year!
See captions below for some humor, lots of happiness & some juicy gossip!
This will nix the chance of me EVER being a real friend of Gavin's, but what are the chances anyway?
If you love Gavin, even partially as much as I do, you will enjoy the story!

This is my husband & I meeting Gavin. After seeing the picture, I felt a little guilty. It looks like I'm completely ignoring Joel. Of course, I really was. I see him every day! How often do I get to love on a beautiful, famous man? Seriously?!
We had meet & greet tickets (courtesy of and were 2 of the lucky 12 people who enjoyed a mini performance by Gavin before the show.
See the girl in the purple with the big boobs? Gavin called her on her cell phone and uh... they got together!
He met her in Cincinnati the month before (we were at that concert, too) and they hooked up! Gavin called her a week before this show (Columbus, OH) to make sure she was coming to see him again. After the meet & greet, and before the performance, Gavin came around the front of the arena (The LC) and took her to his bus with him. She was 19. Gavin is in his early 30's!
She didn't keep quiet about it... I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing here, right?! :0)

This is Gavin playing his beautiful, sparkly piano at the Meet & Greet/Mini-Performance. He is amazing live! After-thought: I wonder how he has big-boob girl saved in his phone? Maybe 'Ohio Hook-up'... I wonder if there is one in each state?! Hmmm....

Gavin on guitar at the Meet and Greet. He is equally good on his guitar!
He is an amazing guy: Songwriter, Singer, Pianist, Guitarist... he does it all... I'm sure! LOL!

This is Gavin signing our posters. He also tried to leave my voicemail message on my cell phone (see Joel getting it ready?)... He said, "Hey! You've reached Kell's Cell... leave her a message." Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and all you could hear was background noise. I was terribly disappointed. I'm over it. :0) This was August 2008. LOL! I got lots of hugs from him that day, but I now know he was thinking of big boob girl the entire time. ;)

Just a couple notes of interest:

-We were in the front row at the concert. It was amazing. I could actually see the whole thing!

-The drummer came down & gave Joel one of his drumsticks after the concert. I have it on my 'Gavin Wall'... I'll post pics of my wall sometime for ya!

-I love every single song from Gavin's first 2 CD's and my absolute favorite Gavin song is "Let's Get it On", which he performs in concert, but does not have recorded. I don't think Marvin Gaye would mind! You can find Gavin's version on Limewire.

-I'm having a difficult time warming up to Gavin's new CD "FREE"... I love 'Dancing Shoes' and 'Stay'. His voice is amazing as always, but some of the arrangements are very strange. I hope the CD grows on me.

-Gavin does lots of charity work & I follow him on MySpace and Facebook (not stalkerish, I promise)... he is truly a really good guy...

A good guy that enjoys big boobs...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Bad Dreams, Hot Dreams, Daydreams & Never-ending Dreams...

I started thinking about dreams tonight. I sometimes have dreams so vivid, I wake up in a sweat, thinking they were true! If I have a really good dream ;) I often think of it throughout the day, proving the fact that women think about sex just as much as men do!

I fell asleep at 8pm tonight. I just couldn't make it to bed, so I slept on the couch... all kinked up and uncomfortable, but it was much easier than starting my bedtime ritual (read recent posts for details on this topic). I just ignored it all and went to sleep... nice, distressing, awkward couch sleep.

I woke at 11pm in a daze. I dreamt that I screamed at one of my friends... I screamed at her to the point we would never be friends again. It was real. It felt real. It took me a good 20 minutes to focus enough to realize it really wasn't real. What a dream! And before 11pm, too! I wanted to call my buddy to make sure we truly were still friends. But I didn't. I know now that I will be able to tell her the full, over-the-top story tomorrow and we'll get a good laugh out of it. But tonight it's real.

When I was little I had a recurring dream. I dreamt over and over that my sister and I were playing out in the front yard. Sis was swinging and I was doing cartwheels (God, I loved cartwheels!), and this man in a station wagon (a woody) would pull up and kidnap us. It was a very vivid, chilling dream. I bet I dreamt that same dream 30 times as a child. I never looked into my dream dictionary to see what it meant. By the time I got a dictionary I was onto a new, equally frightening recurring dream...

As a teenager I would dream that I was on a freeway... a never-ending freeway. There were 2 lanes, one going in each direction with a partition. There were no exits. There were absolutely no opportunities to stop. You were forced to drive forever... forever and ever... I still think about that dream occasionally when I'm on a freeway. Thank God for exit ramps and rest stops! They were nowhere to be found in my nightmare. That's a better word for these bad dreams.

I don't normally have recurring dreams anymore. I daydream a lot. I have huge goals... goals I think of frequently and with great expectation. I like to think I've replaced the good with the bad. I've heard several times that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I tend to agree... although some days I believe it much more than others.

So, I just looked up my recurring childhood and teenhood dreams. Being kidnapped/abducted means you are in fear of something... losing your most familiar surroundings or something close to you. That makes sense. I'm a worrier.

My never-ending road dream signifies anxiety related to "my path"... that also makes sense. I've never been 100% sure of myself or my course. Maybe it's a good sign I don't have that dream anymore!

Driving dreams also suggest a pattern in your sex-life! WOW! I won't comment on that, but WOW! That's a lot of never ending love!

Dreams can affect us in so many ways. Nightmares may stick with us throughout the day, and have an impact on everything we do that day, only to be forgotten the following day. Sweet dreams may put a spark in our step and a smile on our faces for hours or even days! Daydreams can push us forward or hold us back, depending on the subject matter. Ex. Daydreaming you are going to have wild, passionate wall sex with a famous actor may hold you back... but daydreaming about the same type of wall sex with your significant other can push your sex-life to a whole new level!

I think dreams are amazing. They are like little movies in our minds. Some are rated G, family-friendly and generally clean. Some may be PG... there may be some innuendos, but no full-blown bad language or butts hanging out. Many may be rated PG-13, (these days) you may see a butt or a boob. Bunches may be rated R, depending on how dirty-minded you are. Some may be rated NC-17, just like my website.... and I won't go on, but you get my drift...

I will continue to dream... I'm sure of it. Without the dream that I may become an author, I would have never started a blog. Without the dream that I would be able to have children, I truly believe I'd be kidless. Dreams matter... big and small. I choose to dream big!


Confession: I sometimes feel like Izzy Stevens when I blog. LOL!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Easter after Easter

I'm so tired tonight. I'd love to post a fabulous blog entry about my fun-filled day (it really was!), but I'm so exhausted I'm gonna cheat my way out, and show you a bunch of pictures from our day.
Today was our "After the Egg has Hatched Egg Hunt" at work.

It was my contribution to the economy this year... cheap candy, cheap eggs & although we were hoping for a cheap bunny suit, we had to pay full price!
Enjoy the photos!

This is me (on the right) with my staff & the darling bunny! To see the bunny's head separately was quite spooky. More like Halloween than Easter. :0)

This is my son Aiden before clobbering the Easter Bunny. Just kidding.

This is Miss Abbigail posing pertifully for the camera. She loved the bunny!

These are my in-laws with the kidlets. Pretty cute picture.

This is me with a box of eggs. Notice my pretty white legs! They stay that shade all year round!

Now, this is me with the Bunny. I loved trying to hide under her ear.

My boys (and a booty)

My friend & assistant Brittany with Abbi. Aren't they the cutest?

Even super-heros like to hunt for eggs!

Logan shaking it! He's our littlest angel...

Yeah, they're pretty cute! What a fun Easter after Easter!
I'll be less lethargic tomorrow peeps!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Scooters and Selfishness

Read ahead for the okay to be a selfish person...

Well, Joel has the kids outside. They have been anxiously awaiting scooter-time all day! Grammy & Papa got them the cutest scooters for Easter. Logan's is a Radio Flyer, Aiden's is Spiderman & Abbi's is Disney Princesses... imagine that!
I love this, because I can watch them out the window, and see their happiness from a distance, but I'm also free to indulge in some Kelly time! It's priceless.

I was talking to someone the other day (they shall remain nameless), and this person mentioned how women can be so self-centered... spoiling themselves with extracurriculars, such as pedicures, nights out with the girls, massages, shopping after work, etc. I kept sitting there thinking, 'that is how I keep myself sane'... but I didn't say it. I just said that we all need some pampering time... some time for us.

The economy being the way it is has put a halt to some of those extracurriculars, but I still think it is so important for we, as women, to find time for ourselves, and to truly enjoy it. I'm not saying that the time we spend with our kids is not truly enjoyable... it is... but the small things we do for ourselves are the primary reasons we have happiness to share... with our kids, our spouses, our friends, etc.

Here is a list of some of the things I do for myself. Selfish or not, I truly believe they make me a more enjoyable person to be around!

1) I have my nails done every 3-4 weeks and my toes done on occasion.
2) I read... a lot. I love to read in bed with a mound of pillows and big, fluffy blankets!
3) I listen to music... a lot! I burn CD's and have music for any kind of mood. Music is one of my outlets.
4) I write. Since starting my book, and my blog, I find it to be amazingly therapeutic and fun! And the fact that people are actually interested enough to read it is a major ego boost! (so don't stop reading, k?) :)
5) I collect Betty Boop and Hello Kitty goodies. Thanks to my friend Anne, my entire desk area at work is decorated with a Betty Boop theme. It makes me happy to walk in to the activity room each day I have to work!
6) I sing. I have a karaoke page on MySpace and it is the primary reason I leave my account open. I absolutely love to sing!
7) I Facebook. It's a great way to keep in contact (or to get back into contact) with friends from school. It's also a fabulous gossip chain, whether subscribers like to admit it or not. :)
8) I enjoy a girls' night out every now & again. Drinks are optional, because we normally act & feel drunk whether we actually are or not.
9) I go on dates with my husband. Just because you get married, you don't have to stop dating ladies!
10) I take a bath when I'm extremely stressed out. A book... candles... the ultimate luxury.

I don't feel guilty (unless money is tight) and I enjoy all of these things so much, I have no desire to give them up. It may make me a little selfish, but I think we should all give ourselves the go-ahead to indulge a bit, and to let ourselves be a little self-centered now and then. Being selfless is a wonderful trait, but what's wrong with being selfless and selfish? Nothing!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Happily Foul Mouthed

Well, I just found out my blog is rated NC-17.

That means no children under 17 should be reading it. It made me feel a little guilty at first, because I have been known to say piss and ass right here on my apparently very adult page. I decided to let go of the guilt though... the book I'm writing also has a couple of swear words... okay, a handful...

I guess I just enjoy ruffling some feathers, and throwing in a 'bad' word every once in a while... one of the reasons older people do not watch TV anymore or read blogs or magazines... just too much swearing! Bad, bad people! I suppose I should be blocked on the computers of children 17 and under... although I do know that 17-year olds these days are more like 30-year olds. Not much is sacred anymore... I suppose I'm just following in the path of the other joyfully foul-mouthed people out there. I don't like to be a follower, but in this case, throw the book at me... I'm guilty!

The good news is that I'm not rated X, or even R (although I believe NC-17 is considered to be worse than R... hmmm). I think the Xiest thing I've ever written about is hot, steamy sex with Dr. Christian Troy, but dreams don't count... especially with extremely good-looking famous people!

I just figure my blog is to put my thoughts and feelings out there, and if I ever really get back to it, to promote my book... or the 5 chapters I have written at least. Sometimes I curse in my head, so it just comes out. I'm sorry if that offends anyone... okay, I'm not THAT sorry.

Later... :0)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Brusha Brusha Brusha

I once talked about my bedtime ritual, and my OCD tendencies, which seem to be magnified in the late night hours.

Tonight I'm reminded of them again. My children are fast asleep, but every now and then I hear a cough... and then another cough... followed by a whimper. Silence. The silence is what makes me a crazy woman. I realize that the cougher has been quiet for several minutes, and I run back to make sure everything is okay. It's a me thing... or maybe a Mommy thing. I don't think this can be blamed exclusively on OCD...

Along with my babies, my husband is also soundly sleeping. Earlier I mentioned some options for this evening. We could watch TV, or he could play his game and I could catch up with my Young & the Restless episodes from this week (I've been watching since I was 4). He said, "I was thinking about some sleep." He kissed me and went to bed. I stared at him in awe. How wonderful to just be able to go to bed when you say you are going to!

After the words "I'm going to bed now" escape my lips, I start my ritual. The ritual takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, depending on the next day's events. If I have to work the next day, I pick out clothes (scrubs, thank God! Either Hello Kitty or Betty Boop... it's often a difficult decision for me).

After picking out my clothes, I choose clothes for the 3 kids. I check the weather first to see if we can get away with short sleeves. After weather-check and rummaging through three dressers for 3 complete semi-matching outfits, I take my medicine. As I've mentioned in previous posts, during this nightly routine, I check the door to make sure it's locked a minimum of two times. I know it's locked after the first. I do. But I always double check. It's a habit... a habit that makes me feel better. After a door check, I contemplate picking out lunch for the kids for the next day. I've become a slacker about this. I used to get out bowls, spoons, forks, can opener, etc. Now we just wing it. Even kids need some spontenaity, right?

After blowing off lunch, I brush my teeth, wash my face, check on the kids, try to remember if I took my medicine, then fear an overdose, so I think really, really hard and realize, Yes! I did take my medicine.

Then I normally check my blog, my Twitter, Facebook, occasionally MySpace, my Hotmail and then my blog... just one more time...

I put up the baby gate, so the kids don't sneak out (you never know... they're starting young these days), check on the boys and then Abbi (just one more time), plug in my cell phone, check to make sure my alarms (yes, I have to set 2) are on, and my ringer is loud enough.

Then I pull out my book (I'm currently reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks... fabulous!) with every intention of indulging myself in some 'me time'. I realize I'm too tired, lay my book on my nightstand and then close my eyes. I think for a bare minimum of 15-minutes, making lists in my over-crowded head that I will absolutely never remember in 5 hours when I wake.

Then I think about checking on the kids again, but in my hazy daze fall to sleep... normally to wake just a while later to a cute little pee-smelling baby crawling into bed with me. If you wish to read more about the pee-smelling baby, click here:

Recently my husband & I talked about being more spontaneous. I love to go on trips, decide to go out to dinner at the last minute rather than cooking, etc. My husband is perfectly okay with enjoying quiet nights at home. I love him for that... it saves us money... but I love the mix-up sometimes, too!

For such a spontaneous person, I sure do obsess over my nighttime routine. Maybe tomorrow night I'll skip brushing my teeth... hmmm... we'll see...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Talking Myself Through It...

I'm avoiding bed. When I go to bed, I know that in the blink of an eye I'll be awake... then off to the center... to have my surgery. I'm so extremely tired tonight, but I just can't make myself go in there... the bedroom... it's normally one of my very favorite places. Not tonight.

I often live my life in quotes. I think of uplifting sentiments constantly throughout my day. It helps. It's similar to positive affirmations with one whopping difference... I don't have to talk to myself in a mirror. That's just strange. Strange for me. If you enjoy talking to yourself in front of yourself, by all means, do your thing... say hi for me!

Anyway, I strayed from the topic a bit there... where was I? Mirrors... affirmations... quotes... oh yeah... avoiding sleep!

So my surgery tomorrow is outpatient. It's supposed to be a 30-minute procedure. I have had 3 surgeries in my lifetime. I have had 2 cesereans, which produced 3 beautiful babies, and I have had my wisdom teeth extracted... one caused pain... wait... they all caused pain... but the cesereans brought me beautiful blessings! The extractions just left me with big holes in my mouth.

The operation I'm having is common. It could be a quick in and out thing, or it could rock my world. I won't know tomorrow. It will take a bit to find out I'm sure. Results like that rarely come back quickly. They prefer for you to sit and stew and brew and turn blue. Then, normally, in my experience, after not hearing from the doctor's office on the day they tell you to expect to hear from them, you sit and stew and brew, and even begin to turn shades of purplish blue, until you finally break down and call them, and they nonchalantly say, "oh yeah... everything was fine. We received your report two days ago."

I am praying for that nonchalant phone call, which at the time will piss me off, but in foresight, I know I will be breathing an exaggerated sigh of relief, while bitching to my friends about the incompetence of the would've been caller.

I have had some issues which have led up to this itty bitty operation. The wonderful news is that the pain I've been having should go away. The bad news is, it's a short-term fix for a long-term problem. We'll probably have to make a decision in a year or two, but right now I'm perfectly fine with just a patch up! It allows me to hang out for a while longer in my state of denial (or my personal lala land, as I enjoy calling it).

In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is not a big deal. It has been a big deal to me, because it's there... going on within my body. It's a strange feeling knowing I'm 'off'... I mean, I have always known I'm 'off', but more mentally so... at least that's what my buds tell me. My physical self has always been pretty much okay... great blood pressure, low cholesterol... nothing to report... well, some poundage to lose, but... I'm straying again...

After typing this, I realize that the goods of this situation outweigh the bads. Whether I avoid bed or not, I still have to be at that center at 7:15am. I might as well go in there well-rested.

Sleep tight!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My TV Boyfriends... one of my favorite topics!

Celebrity Hotness
(Read on for a look at my beautiful TV boyfriends, in order from most current to long ago...) Note: Not all of my famous men are pictured.
Mr. Leary (Past, Current & Future Crush)
Mr. Leary with his fabulous wife, Ann

Julian McMahon, aka Dr. Christian Troy

William Peterson, aka Grissom

Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing
That is me with him in the photo ;)

Don Johnson in Miami Vice
There is just something about cops & fireman
Steve Guttenberg
My first celebrity crush

I love my husband very much. I have for many years. We met when I was an infant... just kidding... but I was in my early teens. I had one serious and one semi-serious boyfriend before, and in between Joel & I. The poor guy put up with my indecisiveness... bless his heart! I just couldn't make up my mind!
After the upcoming story, you may wonder why Joel loves me and puts up with me at all. I'm just thankful that he does!

Joel 'won' because I eventually came to my senses (okay, maybe not, but I did choose him), and realized that I would have a much more stable life with him, and I loved him in a healthy way. The other guy (evil boy as I now call him) and I broke up often, and I later learned that there were many other girls in his life. Aw, young love... it's amazing how relationships at such a young age can affect the rest of your life.

So... my whole point is... I never had a ho period. I was never a club girl, and I certainly never jumped into the beds of guys I didn't know.

Joel and I married when I was 18... 6 months out of high school. I don't regret it, but...

The one very bad side effect I have suffered with, since I was never a ho, is my insatiable lusty infatuations with celebrity men. I have always had a TV boyfriend... even since I was little. So, maybe this celebrity syndrome, or whatever it's called, is just a condition I was born with. I don't know. Luckily it's not a stalker-type obsession. It's just a 'healthy' lust, if there is such a thing, for certain celebrity men. I'm very particular in my choices, and have been since I was a little girl.

My first TV boyfriends were Steve Gutternberg and Don Johnson. I remember kissing my pillow, imagining I was actually kissing one of them. I was five.

Throughout the years I have had equally maddening crushes on many celebrities. In my tweens I fell deeply in lust with the very high-pitched, saprano-singing NKOTB member Joey. Shortly thereafter I enjoyed the company of Patrick Swayze My oldest, dear friend Amy and I would watch the 'dancing' scenes in Dirty Dancing over and over again, wishing we were Baby. I would've even settled for that hussy pregnant chick... anything to be close to Johnny.

A few years ago I had a major daydream fling with William Peterson, better known as Gill Grissom of CSI. I think it was the whole distinguished thing. I didn't even mind his slight limp. In my mind it was sortof hot!

I also lust after Julian McMahon, Nip/Tuck's Dr. Christian Troy. I really need to say no more about him. He is just tall, dark, handsome.... a lovely specimen!

My longest and lustiest crush is Denis Leary. He probably always will be. I had heard of Denis before Rescue Me... my husband listens to a lot of stand-up comedy, and I had heard Denis' raunchiness, but never truly appreciated it, or him for that matter, until we started watching his fabulous firefighter show.

WOW! Denis is just hot! Of course this is my opinion, as I'm sure it's the opinion of his beautiful wife Ann, whom I adore. Ann has a wonderful blog I read daily, and what a beautiful couple those two make! I just love him... and her... in different ways of course!

I also have a slight crush on Gavin DeGraw... okay, it's a little more than 'slight'. As I've mentioned in earlier entries, I have had the pleasure of meeting Gavin on two occasions in the past year. I realize that I'm not hot like the many girls belonging to the boobs he signs (just a guess), but a girl can dream... not that I want him signing my boobs... okay, if my husband is reading this, I am sooo digging a hole right now!

Speaking of Gavin, his Columbus, Ohio concert is friday night. I'm having a minor surgery on thursday, and thought the concert would be a wonderful get well gift! I was so excited, happily typing in my information on when the evil screen popped up telling me the concert is sold out. What a disappointment! Oh well, we'll catch him next time... I guess a girl in lust can't expect to see one of her celebrity flames in person three times in one year!

So, anyway, now you know my dirty little secret... I'm a wannabe celebrity ho!
What will people say?

With a chuckle,
Kelly :0)

PS: Tell me about your celebrity crushes!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Showcasing My Boys!

So I have introduced you to my husband and my fashionista today!

I am now proud to present my musical boys, Aiden & Logan.

We are a musical family. We often have music on in the background, and the kids will NEVER let us take a car ride without their favorite tunes.

At this very moment I have Gavin DeGraw's In Love with a Girl playing loudly right in my ears, while the boys dance!

Abbi is our singer, but she is having emotional melt-downs this evening. If I had captured this video just a bit earlier, you would have seen her singing along to the intro of Thunderstruck by AC/DC. I didn't even know singing to that intro was possible, but with these up and coming artists, anything is possible!

Enjoy the video!

Abbi Thorpe: Fashionista/Princess

All About Abbi...
Read Story Below
& visit

The "Priss" Picture. See details below...
Abbi with her twin brother Aiden

Abbi in her favorite purple hat & her pretty sundress
Ready for a birthday night out on the town
(Abbi shares her birthday with her brothers Aiden (her twin) and Logan, 2)

Abbi attended a princess party... the highlight of her life so far :0)

Abbi must sleep and lounge in style

This picture sums up our Abbi... pretty, confident and royal!

Abbi loves to have her nails painted. I have promised her a pedicure this summer

So I must write this little story about our little princess. This post is not only to impress the judges at Children's Place ( so I may win a $200 gift certificate (although it's a definite perk), but also to showcase Miss Abbigail, our 4-year old fashionista!

Abbi was referred to as a priss yesterday. It bothered me a little at first, but then I realized it wasn't criticism... Abbi truly is a bit of a priss... a darling priss. I prefer to call her our diva.

Miss Abbi prefers to be in 'costume' at all times. She was a fairy princess for Halloween 2008. She has actually been a fairy princess ever since... the wings are showcased often in our house.

Abbi must be called a different princess name each day. Occasionally she enjoys 'just being Abbi', but normally asks to be called Cinderella, Snow White or Ariel. She has many fashion accessories, including high heels and several crowns, and part of my morning ritual includes dusting Abbi with blush and eye shadow before leaving for work. We sit on the bed together and get 'made-up' each day. It's my Abbi time.

My best friend Anne and I recently treated Abbi to a girls' day out. We enjoyed dinner together and a round of manicures. The next day I asked Abbi if she would like to go to the beauty shop to have her hair cut. She was quite sure of herself when she said "no, I do not need my hair cut. It's perfect."

Abbi wears princess gowns to bed, and loves to spin around for her daddy to show off her beautiful ensembles. I am thankful for my little fashion princess! In a house full of boys, us girls must stick together...

and liberty & makeup for all...

Guest Blog: Presenting Joel Thorpe, my husband

A note from Kelly: I have been reading about blogging all day today. I revamped my blog (thanks to my friend Sarah for her blogging expertise) and keep logging on to it, just to look at it's new beautifulness. I feel quite inspired today, but have decided to turn the spotlight over to my husband. His recount of his day yesterday is very amusing, and I knew you would enjoy... read on...
I have been suffering through a bout of bronchitis since the thursday before Easter. Plagued with constant fevers I have been off work laying around on the couch, whining like a school yard sissy. When it comes to illness, I am pretty much a pansy.

Since I have been moping about on the couch, lamenting my pitiful exsistence, I had to miss out on the Easter festivities with the families. Of course like most family gatherings it can be a crap shoot on how it plays out. My wife took the kids and left me to my box of tissues and cold medicine. I certainly wouldn't want to pass this off to the rest of the family... well maybe one or two depending on the day. I slept some while they were gone and watched a movie when I woke.

I had just taken a shot of that putrid toxic waste that my Dr. prescribed as a cough medicine when my wife arrived home. The kids came in all excited to show me the new scooters they got from the "Easter Bunny", aka grammy and papa. My youngest son was astride his scooter when his face got a funny look upon it. He looked to me as though his stomach was rolling, and sure enough he vomited on the living room carpet. I will never understand why I never have the luck of the children hitting the linoleum, which was to his immediate right. I am really starting to wonder what is going on at my wife's parent’s house. At the last family gathering, all three of my children were decorating the carpet when they got home. I know it really has nothing to do with the in-laws food but a matter of coincidence. If this keeps up my kids are never going to want to go to any of the family gatherings, especially if they start purging their dinner every time they get home.

My two boys both ended up having fevers so they were given children's pain reliever and put to bed. Thankfully so far so good… none of them have required a change of sheets and clothes.

My wife and I decided to try to watch a movie and relax a bit before bed. We purchased a movie on pay-per-view called Fireproof. I had heard it was a decent movie and so had my wife. As we watched the movie, my wife and I kept looking at each other and finally we decided to call it quits on that movie. I don't think we made it a half hour. To me it seemed like the acting was about as pitiful as a porno. Now I'm not one for pornographic movies, but I'd be lying if I said I've never seen one. I believe I may have even seen one with better acting than that waste of $3.99. So we decided to try again. We purchased a movie called Body of Lies. This movie was more up my alley.....action thriller. Unfortunately my wife lost interest pretty early and decided she didn't want to finish it. She gave me her blessing to continue watching and advised me she was going to go to bed.

I was feeling pretty tired and crummy, so I decided I would join her. Because I am a third shift worker, I rarely get to sleep in bed with my wife. Being that I am sick, I decided to say screw the sleep schedule, it's all jacked up anyways. We sat in bed for a while talking and the next thing you know my night actually got a little better. ;D We both drifted off to sleep, which for me lately has been in half to one hour increments.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up and it was 7 am. The kids woke me up as usual, for when one gets up so must the whole house. Not quite ready to get up, I got out of bed with the intention of shooing the children back into their beds. I dodged the rocking chair blocking the hallway which served no barrier but to me. This struck me as odd because I put the baby gate up before I went to bed. Hard to say for sure, but who knows what my children are thinking sometimes. I figured they did it.

Just after I get the kids back into their beds, I heard a knock on the door. I made a quick dash toward the door, with my shortcomings exposed to anyone who could see into my house. In the window at the top of the door I could see the top of my dad's head. My wife was off today so he wasn't supposed to be here to baby sit. I opened the door a crack to explain it to him when I see my mom walking up the sidewalk being trailed by my aunt and uncle from New York and my deceased cousin's wife and kids. “Surprise, surprise” my dad says. I tell him to hold on while I get dressed and dashed back to the bedroom to wake my wife.

About that time I bolt upright in bed, head pounding and feeling like I was roasting from within. An oddly vivid dream. Feeling a bit dazed I looked at the clock....7 am. I got out of bed, this time remembering to grab some pants and checked on the children....all snug in their beds asleep. The baby gate was where I put it. I hopped across the gate and went towards the front door. I peered out the window just in time to see a mass infiltration of cars into my driveway. WTF?! Did I just have some strange psychic dream? My dad's entire side of the family must have all synchronized their watches because they all arrived at the same time. That also struck me as odd because in my dream, it was my mom's side of the family. I opened the door just as the family arrived, and groggily bid them welcome. I told them I would be right back and went to wake my wife. She was less than thrilled at hosting an unexpected family gathering at 7 in the morning. We both started to get dressed and just about the time I am about to go back to the living room, I bolt upright in bed again, head pounding and feeling like I was roasting from within.

Now I was really dazed. I looked at the clock and was relieved to see that it was 2:30 in the morning. I felt like I had just taken a journey beyond sight and sound. I knew now that I was safe from visiting relatives. It was a very strange feeling to be having a dream and to wake up in a dream, to waking up from a dream within a dream. It all seemed so real, right down to the red Ohio State t-shirt I had put on. I don’t know if the fever had anything to do with it or not, but I don't think I will ever wear a nicotine patch to bed again. I had heard they can cause vivid dreams, but damn, it was scary in its' own way. Now its 4 am, I am too weirded out to sleep......guess I will go finish that movie.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Celebrities Poop

Celebrities poop. It makes me so happy. Earlier today I was reading a wonderful blog post from the one and only Jason Mraz. He was sharing a comical tale about his accidental fart in the gym. Jason referred to his fart as the escape artist, and talked about the many amps that were being pushed through a 1" speaker. The entire blog had me in happy tears.

Sometimes when I'm down, I enjoy thinking about the fact that famous folks do the same things we normal folks do... poop, fart, pick our noses, burp, pee in the shower... kudos to Jason for admitting his imperfections, and for helping us to realize that celebrities are just people... hot, talented people, but people all the same.

Now let's get back to peeing in the shower. I turned the radio to a popular morning show on my way to work this past week. The morning crew was talking about Kelly Clarkson, and her admittance to peeing in the shower. I did some research and found out this information came from Blender magazine. I know the article disgusted a lot of people. Now when they look at Kelly, all they will see is a stream of pee running down her leg.

I laughed when I heard about the article... not because I think Kelly's admission was disgusting, but because I was so amused that a celebrity admitted to doing something most people have done or do on a regular basis.

Yep, I'm admitting to the world that I have peed in the shower. I see it as killing two birds with one stone. I have also picked my nose. I've seen many, many people do the same... even you folks who roll your eyes and turn bright red when someone you know farts or burps. You probably pick your noses and pass gas through that ass more than anyone else. What is that saying? It's always the quiet ones...

I tend to find solace in the fact that "sexy" Elizabeth Hurley sits on the same toilets we do. I also think it is absolutely fantastic that Jason Mraz is proud of his flatulence at the gym. It puts the whole celebrity versus non-celebrity gap into perspective.

I hope next time you are feeling blue, you will visualize Patrick Dempsey picking his nose on the race track (in my mind, that's still hot!), or Britney Spears picking a wedge after a visit to the ladies room. It's very therapeutic!

Saturday, April 11, 2009


I painted nails today... lots of nails. If you were to add all of the individual nails I painted, the total would add up to well over a hundred. Many ladies now have very pretty fingernails for Easter. It's amazing how a little coat of paint can bring such huge smiles... and wonderful stories!

I remember my great-grandmothers fairly well. Great Grandma Walker never let us leave her house empty-handed. She was always armed with those little cups of ice cream and other little treats. Plus she always gave dollar bills. I remember how sweet she was. She was very loving and giving.

I also remember my Great Grandma Timson. She was a hoot! She loved shoes. She kept them in the boxes. I've always thought that it's quite odd to leave shoes in their boxes. It's similar to stuffing clothing into the bottoms of drawers you rarely open. You forget about them. Not to mention the fact that if your shoes are lined up in front of you, it's so much easier to choose a pair to go perfectly with your outfit for the day. I don't get it. Obviously Great Grandma did, but I don't.

I also remember Great Grandma Timson, Grandma Pat, Mom, Tara and I going to the jewelry store to have jewelry appraised, and going to Mansfield to shop. I always thought having jewelry appraised was strange, too. The jewelry items being appraised were obviously important to my grandmas. If they had no intention of selling them, why did it really matter how much they were worth? i never quite understood. I still don't.

Today while I was painting nails, I thought of my grandmas. I remember their funny little rituals. Grandma Timson liked to shop, shop, shop, and then return everything she bought! I wonder now if it was buyer's remorse, or if she had OCD. I imagine that was the case. If so, I know who to blame for my quirky rituals. Thanks Grandma.

I heard so many stories today. I truly enjoyed the time I spent with each of the ladies. One lady confided that she had never had her nails painted before coming to the nursing home. Another lady told me how beautiful her nails were "for such an old woman." The women who are blessed enough to go out with family for Easter services told me they feel prettier with their nails polished. It's very sweet how such a small act makes them so extremely happy.

While I was filing and painting, I realized that almost all of the women asked about my family, and how I was doing personally. One of the women even asked me how the economy was affecting our family. I was amazed how interested they were... in my life!

I realized today that the generations of people ahead of us truly care about other people. They don't anxiously wait for us to finish our stories so they can one-up us, or reply with a story of their own. They just honestly enjoy listening.

I'm guilty of jumping in on occasion. I love telling stories. I have even been known to interrupt people. How rude I've been!

I decided today that I will no longer wait my turn while someone is confiding in me or telling me a story. I will just sit back and listen, enjoying the fact that they care enough about me to share with me.

I really think that the younger population is very self-centered. Feel free to send hate mail... I realize that I'm generalizing. There are some really good younger people out there... people that care about others, and don't focus on boosting their self-esteem and crowd appeal by over-exaggerating their own life stories. There are wonderful people who don't put others down to make themselves appear superior. I just don't believe it's the majority.

I am vowing to be one of those few good people. I want to one day be remembered for how much I cared for others... not for my amped-up tales. I want to be like those ladies with polished nails. They have taught me to listen, learn and give. Taking is so overrated. I want my kids and grandkids to not only remember my crazy antics one day (although I hope they do), but also my giving spirit. That is my wish.

Sometimes we all need a little polish.

Saturday, April 4, 2009


So I've been watching what I eat. I haven't been exercising lately, due to not feeling well. In all honesty, for about a week I didn't have an appetite, which greatly boosted my weight loss efforts. I lost 6lbs that week. Unfortunately my appetite is back in full swing, and I'm finding it much more difficult to 'watch what I eat' now that I'm focused on it. I've lost 16lbs total, and I don't care to share how long I've been attempting to shave off that very small tip of my incredibly overwhelming iceberg.

Back in 2001 I lost a little over 72lbs on Weight Watchers. I greatly enjoyed the process, and managed to break out of my comfort zone to become a Weight Watchers leader after losing my weight. Leading the meetings, I believe, is when I truly began to get to know myself. I had always been a bit of a funny hermit. I enjoyed going out with friends, and often made them laugh, but I also found great joy in avoiding life, not answering the telephone and living in my awkward state of confusion.

After losing my weight, and leading the WW meetings for about 2 years, my focus changed, and Joel & I began trying for a baby. I remember I was working down in Columbus at the Weight Watchers corporate office one day when one of the seasoned, very prominant leaders and motivational speakers called me into the conference room and asked me what was going on with my weight. I stared at her in disbelief. Sure, I had gained a few of my pounds back, but I was nowhere near my start weight, and I still looked damn good. She had no idea that, behind the scenes, Joel & I were having fertility problems, and I was a nervous wreck, peeing on sticks constantly, only to be disappointed month after month. Her words stung, and obviously, six years later, I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday. I sat there patiently, and then told her we were trying to get pregnant with no success. She didn't get it. It was all about how you looked in front of the group. How motivational could I be if I had gained 5 or 10lbs?! How obvious that would be to my loyal members. I was quite certain they wouldn't quit attending their weekly meeting, full of friends and encouragement, to find a leader that was a bit thinner than me. Looking back, it is quite amusing. Back then, it was not.

Many months, positions and legs in the air later, we found out we were finally having a baby. I was still working down at the corporate office, and leading a few meetings a week. Although you are not supposed to follow the program while pregnant, I continued to lead the meetings. My members still didn't quit. I guess my huge, beautiful pregnant belly was not a motivation killer for them. I was so extremely sick I actually didn't gain much weight throughout my pregnancy. I threw up the entire 9 months. I blamed it on the fact that I was actually pregnant with twins, but after having another sickly pregnancy 2 years later (a singleton this time), I realized I'm just not very good at being pregnant! I now realize that is why God blessed me with 2 at once. He didn't want me to have to go through that over and over again.

I quit working at the Weight Watchers corporate office shortly after I became pregnant the first time. I can only imagine the comments I would have received regarding my weight from my 'motivational' friend at almost full-term, with nearly 13lbs of baby in my belly!

After I gave birth to the twins, I lost a lot of weight. Then, more quickly than I could have ever imagined in a million years, it came right back! I have been struggling with this ever since.

When I started Weight Watchers again a couple of months ago, I felt that same motivation. Although my circumstances are much different now (3 kiddos four and under, a full-time, often stressful job and making our marriage a priority while working different shifts), I knew I was ready to get back to it, and look at my weight loss journey as a more positive experience this time. No one would be hounding me (except me) and I would take it in stride. I even started another blog, dedicated to my journey. I soon realized that keeping up with one blog was quite enough. After all, I am the girl who buys beautiful journals, writes in them for a week, and then every few months, only to give up and buy a new journal, promising to get to bed earlier each night so I just might have the energy to reflect on my day, and jot down a wonderful story, which would later become a bestseller!

My motivation comes and goes now. I have a great urge to find the thin body within my fatter body again. I remember looking so good, and still feeling fat. I won't make that mistake again. Just this week, a resident at work asked me if I was losing weight (at high volume in front of several others). I answered honestly, and said 'yes I am' proudly, rather than making some snide remark like I would have my first time around. He then went on to tell me that his sister had also noticed. WOW! What a compliment! A good friend I work with also asked me, in that same week, if I had lost weight. I've decided to soak in the compliments and let my chest fill up with pride this time! Why not? I have heard enough put-downs and jerk-face remarks for a lifetime! Plus, the puffier my chest gets, the less you will notice my iceberg belly!

Although it may take me a long, long time to lose what I wish to lose, I know, through this experience, I will gain a better perspective and learn (even more) to be thankful for my amped-up view of life and living.

I posted a new picture above my original 'Red' picture on here, because I see a bit of a change in my face. I am seeing a shape form... a nice shape... replacing that beach ball shape. How fabulous! Please know this is my face I'm referring to... my body will take a bit to catch up!

I know, I know... it's only 16lbs (I refuse to round down to 15). I would like to lose a much larger amount, and need to, as I long to fit into some of my most beautiful, Kelly-ish clothing again. I'm just taking it a day at a time... no promises to blog on this tomorrow.... or ever again... but tonight it's on my mind, so I'm putting it out there! Sooner or later, I'll have much less to 'put out there'. You just wait & see!

Later on...

Thursday, April 2, 2009


It never ceases to amaze me how life's decisions and events can send us plunging into pure darkness, and within a mere twenty-four hours can fling us right back into contentment. I think the key is figuring out how to live in the comfort without allowing ourselves to worry about the next plunge.

The other night when I was typing my latest blog entry, I felt like I had fallen into a well. I honestly felt like I had tumbled into a deep, dark hole, and I just knew I was going to have to force my way back up. I imagined it taking weeks or months. At the time I didn't feel like I was being melodramatic. Looking back I still don't feel that I was. I was feeling such an intense sadness and uncertainty, I didn't know how to inch back up my self-made well into sunlight again.

Rather than creeping my way up little by little, God threw me a ladder.

It's unreasonable to think that we will never, ever think of the life we a) left behind or b) never experienced. It's interesting though that so many people are living that life, and wishing for their own contentment. It's amazing when you realize how many people would find their own perfect paradise living within the realm of your existence.

Sometimes the finest circumstances comes to us by accident. A lot of the time it's what we already possess, and not what we dream of that leads us to true happiness and contentment.