The Conversationalist

My favorite subject in school was English. I loved it. I bought Cliff's Notes just like the next kid, but I loved writing, and if it was my choice of reading material, I loved that, too. My friends often asked me to 'help' them write their papers. My friend Amy once told me I could bullshit my way through any subject. She was right.

I know now that life is very much made up of conversations... words. If it were not for words, we would just be thrusting our bodies around to attract the opposite sex, and beating people up to get a point across. Words can be beautiful... they can be manipulative... they can be sweet, and they can be evil.

Math was always my downfall. I hated it. I still do! Admittedly, I count on my fingers when I'm playing Yahtzee. I carry the one, count like a child and often cannot remember "simple" multiplication... I simply don't like it.

To me, English (or your language of choice) is so much more relevant. While we have dictionaries and thesauruses (which I LOVE by the way), much of our individuality has to do with our words, the way we use them and our knowledge, which would not be properly expressed without conversation.

There is no uniqueness in numbers. I understand why people are fascinated by them. I once knew a man who could multiply 1,549.268790385 by 3,453,209.44123430 in his head! He amazed me! Honestly, I thought he was odd, but I'm sure numbers people see us language people as equally as odd. I get that.

I've started journal after journal over the years. I've always had a love for terminology, expressions, grammar and the pure amusement of words.

I absolutely love it when someone says a word that is not spoken on a day to day basis. I like to throw "hiatus", "nonchalant", "passive", "mediocre", "dung" and other random words into sentences. It's not that they're difficult words... they just aren't used as often as "poop", "vacation", "quiet" and "okay"... see what I mean? Boring compared to BAZOW! I like to be that BAZOW girl! One thing I never, ever want to be called... BORING! That is worse than a slap in the face!

So, while the math nuts hang out, crunch numbers and don't spend money on huge desk-size calculators, I will enjoy my fascinating, and often foul-mouthed vocabulary, while I count on my fingers & use my calculator to multiple 4X12.

Often, it's the words we use that make us the person we are.

Well, dung!

Quietly Confident

I have a pet peeve. I can't stand it when people talk about how they have the most beautiful face in the world, the cutest hair, the prettiest smile they've ever seen or the cutest toenails. I'm all about affirmations, but I'm more about common courtesy. When you say you have guys falling at your feet, and you look so damn hot, you are... quite honestly... losing respect every time you open your mouth.

I'm not one to complain about these things normally, but enough is enough. I've seen it more and more lately. To me, the most attractive people in the world are those who are quietly confident. They walk with their heads held high, radiate a fabulously beautiful glow and make you want to be part of THAT confident crowd... not the crowd that talks about how their ass looks so hot in their new jeans or their new thong is so sweet and adorable. UGH! Most of us quietly confident folks DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!

I am NOT a quiet person, but I am quite confident.

That brings me to one of my favorite quotes, written by... me!

Quote: Have you ever noticed that the most attractive people can open their mouths & ruin the whole damn thing?

There is a lot to be said for quiet confidence. You will NEVER hear me say how hot my girls look in a bikini top (though it is my dream to be toned enough to wear one!). I'm not judging the people who do build themselves up. I'm just telling ya sometimes your build up feels like a put-down to others.

Suck it in, stick em out, bat those eyes and sigh... I know... You Are It! Ugh!

Water, Coffee Creamer, Baby Carrot, Parmesan, Chocolate Sundae Anyone?

I'm used to my heathens. Like all kids, my children throw tantrums (yeah, don't tell me yours don't), smile wickedly when one of the other children gets in trouble... and their favorite thing to do? Play with things that are off-limits.

When they were little, the babies would open a gift (well, actually, we would open it for them, because they were born with ADD), and play with the box and/or eat the wrapping paper. No! They didn't swallow it. Sheesh! Give me some credit here.. I just let them gnaw on it a little. But they have always been more amused with household objects and packaging than an actual toy. That's just how they are. Give them a cardboard box, and some bubble wrap, and they're occupied for hours on end!

So, today is the last day of my 9-day hiatus from work. I laid the kids down for their nap earlier, and rather than tweeting, facebooking or emailing, I decided just to take a nap. The house is pretty much clean, I had chatted the hell outta my facebook and twitter friends, consciously decided to not do the work I brought home 9 days ago, and allowed myself to just veg. Aww... the couch...

I fell asleep quickly and woke up, what seemed like minutes later (it was actually 2.5 hours later) to Aiden yelling at me. I wasn't comprehending what he was saying. I'm normally a light sleeper, so those damn children must have tip-toed and whispered to do the damage I was about to see..

I heard Aiden yell at Joel. See, Aiden calls Joel, well.. Joel. He doesn't call him Daddy anymore. We think it's funny so we don't correct him (yeah, feel free to comment on our parenting skills. I can take ya. ;) Anyway, I heard him yell, "Joel, you can sleep longer if you want to, but Logan made a HUGE MESS!", and then I heard a door slam. Aiden was furious! I started laughing. He sounded like a miniature version of his mother & father combined.

So, I finally comprehended the twins telling me that Logan had made a "huge mess". I stumbled out to the play room/sun porch and about died! Then I started laughing like a full-on lunatic! ALL, and I mean ALL of the condiments (and many other refrigerated items) were sitting there. On the backboard of the basketball hoop, which they had placed on the floor, was a whipped up concoction of baby carrots, 10-12 bottles worth of water (we had NO water left in the fridge at all), hazelnut creamer (that kinda pissed me off, cause that's my favorite), Parmesan cheese and chocolate sundae syrup. See picture above.

Surrounding this lovely brew were emptied water bottles, ketchup, pickles and other various items which are off-limits, unless we are actually, well.. eating.

We decided the best punishment for such a sickening mess would be to make the children clean it up! The carrots were extremely slimy and gross, so this punishment did wonders! One by one, they carried carrots into the house. Aiden grabbed a jar of spaghetti sauce at one point, looked at me desperately and said, "Mommy, can you carry this? It's way too heavy for my little boy hands"... I laughed hysterically. He didn't find this funny at all. Someone had the strength to traipse out to the porch with the spaghetti sauce, so that person could obviously carry it back to it's home. He walked to the fridge like he was carrying a big box of horse dung, not a little sauce jar.

Aiden's comments left me startled. I was so amused, it was impossible for me to keep a straight face. Joel did the disciplinarian thing. He laughed in between, but unlike me, he was very careful not to let the kids see his amusement. I don't have that kind of control. And I certainly wasn't leaving! This was free entertainment!

Aiden screamed at Logan, "this is SO terrible. I'm SO disappointed!".. HA! As if he hadn't had a thing to do with it! So, we finally concurred that all three children played a part in this very organized, hilarious condiment scheme.

I couldn't help but spring some tears, and maybe a bit of pee, when Joel opened the window on the porch, and just threw the whole damn backboard outside... after the kids had cleaned it up. Joel doesn't get rattled very often, so this whole scene was extremely funny. The kids looked shocked. I know what they were thinking... "why did we just clean that up if JOEL was just gonna throw it outside?"... hehehehehehehehehe!

I asked Aiden why they did it... "cause it was fun Mommy"... and did you have fun cleaning it up? "Yes Mommy, I did"... wicked laughs! I couldn't take it! Joel says, "so, since you enjoyed making the mess and the cleaning up, will you enjoy the spanking you all are going to get?" Aiden: "No, but I won't cry"... Joel: "Oh yeah?" Aiden: "Yeah, cause you won't spank my butt, you can just smack my hand JOEL, Ok?" I couldn't hold it together at all.

Aiden looked over at me finally and said, "Mommy, I guess you're gonna have to go to the store and get some more of that cream for your coffee and water. I guess we can't eat tonight." Please remember, Abbi & Aiden are 4.5... they are twins... they are GOING to get into trouble. You know that saying, "what one doesn't think of, the other one will?" Well, it's amazingly true people! Logan, who is 2.5 is the tag-along. And the blamee. He doesn't talk much, so if the twins do something and they know it isn't right, Logan did it. They're learning... that we are a very smart Mommy & JOEL... not Daddy. Hehehehe!

Abbi sat on the couch pursing her lips, wanting a kiss. I laughed. Logan sat there holding his little tiny ass. I laughed. Aiden told JOEL he was sorry... I laughed. The kids were spanked. I didn't laugh, but I did as soon as they were done crying.

It was a fabulously entertaining evening here! No treats though. That broke their hearts more than the spankings. Aiden apologized several times tonight. He was very worried about the lack of water in the house. Little does he know we have faucets. He was also concerned about my morning coffee. I'm concerned too.

Tonight was, by far, the worst and the funniest event of my kiddos' lives. I'm glad it happened. I needed a laugh.

Ding-a-ling

**The Smart Ass**

My head is spinning from listening to the twins (my kids, not my breasts) playing pretend all morning (because breasts playing pretend would just be, well... strange).

Anyway, the kids have been playing with this little broken plastic purple house. I can't throw it away, because they would know. Even if I do something 'without them knowing', they know! They hunt me down and poke & prod at me all day. They stalk me! So, in short, the broken plastic purple house stays. I don't feel like being poked today.

Along with the plastic brokenness, they also have little tiny dogs and cats who have apparently morphed into my children in their minds. At one point today, Abbigail yelled "MOM!" hysterically 3 times. When I finally asked what was going on, she said scoldingly, "I am not talking to you!" with a giant sigh. I love it! I can sit back and not answer to "Mom" today... yay!

Since I hear "Mom" an estimated 5,000 times a day (more if I'm not working), I appreciate this pretend time. Aiden earlier yelled, "get outta this house or I will beat you." Now please realize, we don't say things of this sort to or around the kids. They do have an oddly fascinating love for the Powerpuff Girls, and I believe they are the cause of my children's evil-ness as of late. As a friend of mine would say, "bugger!"... we HAVE come to an understanding that the word 'Stupid' s NOT allowed in this house. I hate that word!

Among the list of other words I hate:
-Tender (ugh!)
-C*nt (just don't say it... I will gag)
-Scrotum (seriously, who would name a body part a 'scrotum' that is so close to another body part that is supposed to turn us on... YUCK!)
-Puss (uck... in every sense of the word! SO Gross!)
-Buford & Hog Leg (the two words my ex nicknamed his ding-a-ling.. he was obviously delusional, and I'm quite sorry he isn't computer savvy, cause I sure would love for him to see this. Heheheehehe *evil snicker*)

So, back to playing pretend, although I greatly enjoyed that little detour, while watching & listening to the kids, I realized how much people in general play pretend... put up a facade. I'm guilty of it. I'm sure you are too on occasion.

How often, in passing, does someone ask you how you're doing, and you say 'fine'. Rarely are we just 'fine'... but we continue to say it, whether we just want to get the hell away from the person asking, or we just don't feel like getting into the drama called our lives. To me, 'fine' is just a reflex now. I'm not sure that many of the people who ask really care. I think the 'how are you's' and 'how's it goin's' are actually auto-pilot questions, too. Sure, some people truly care when they ask, but often, it's just a formality.

One goal I have set for myself lately is to not ask cookie-cutter questions & reply to others with cookie-cutter answers. Who cares if they don't really care when they ask? At least YOU are being authentic if you give an honest answer. I appreciate it when people are genuine. I try to be. I almost always am, but sometimes 'fine' is just easier.

Make-believe for kids is a bit more innocent than grown-up 'play'. We adults really 'play' eachother constantly... go through the motions. It would be nice to know what people really think.

Then again, maybe a touch of make-believe isn't so bad. I tend to like this little place I call my lala land... a little too much. I don't think I could give it up. It's definitely my happy place.

So... my plan? I'll continue to be happy in my own little world, and to allow the slaps of reality to only burden me when they are truly important. Healthy? Maybe not. But it's my world, and I'll be enjoying the blissful chaos day after day...

Wanna join me?

Nailing, Screwing & Glass Licking...

I can never find a hammer. Our laundry room is full of pictures & doo-dads I wanna hang up. I procrastinate, not only because I think it's incredibly frustrating to hang a picture & it quickly becomes crooked, but also because of the fact that the hammer is never anywhere to be found.

Losing things happens a lot around here. I can never find my glasses. I can't tell you how many times I've vowed to put them in the same spot... it just doesn't happen. It's a bit ironic, really... blind girl looking for glasses which make her not quite so blind.

Feeling for them is more like it. It's really too bad glasses don't have a scent. I suppose scratch n' sniff glasses would be pointless, since one would have to find them to scratch them to sniff them. Hmm... that covers three of the senses. I guess taste is out. Licking around for anything just doesn't sound fun unless you are under the influence or in hot, steamy mode... though I have known some to enjoy a good glass licking (see above photo).

I won't even mention hearing... that would just be weird... talking glasses. Actually, it could be fun... after pondering... imagine your glasses yelling "YOU SUCK" or "Lick Me Baby" at a particular time each morning. Alarm clock glasses. Man, I could totally patent this stuff!

Back to the hammering now, cause I like that subject... the children know that I'm always hammer-less. I know right where the screws & nails are. I don't screw as much as I nail.. I prefer nailing for sure.

Aiden, bless his little heart, has offered me his plastic hammer from his tool kit on occasion. Last time he offered, I thought "why not?" ... it worked. It mis-shaped the plastic a little, but it did do the job. I've also been known to use random household items to nail something.. a can of peaches (no puncture wounds to report), the 'other end' of a screwdriver (why is it that the driver is always nearby?) and a baby doll head (no rude comments please... the plastic was VERY hard and the doll's head remained intact).

Other items I lose consistently include, but are not limited to:

-My cell phone

-My keys

-Brain cells

-Money

-As of late, my ass, thankfully :)

-Shoes (seriously, who loses shoes?)

-My kids (KIDDING!)

-Respect (for comments made, such as the one above) ;)

I'm going to set a goal to spend less time looking for things. Rather than having to trouble myself with putting things in their own little place, if I lose my glasses, I'll just go blind and pray I don't hit anyone or sign my life away. If I continue to lose the hammer, I'll just start screwing instead. If my keys are missing, I'll just steal the neighbor's motorcycle. If I lose my shoes, I'll wear my Betty Boop slippers and if I lose those, I'll stop at the nail salon... barefoot... and ask if I can get a pair of those pretty disposable pedicure thongs. If I lose my kids, I'll be thankful for a little vacation. If I lose my phone, you can't bother me. If I continue to lose brain cells, right on! ... I'll be even more closed off from the dark realities of this world... and if I lose respect, that's okay, cause I won't have the brain power to comprehend any of it.

To all of you fellow losers out there, let's drink to that! I'm buyin' a round of test tube 'skittles' shots all around...

And I wonder where my money goes...

It's Amazing How Something Flat Can Make Life So Bumpy

Do you realize how difficult it is to keep a straight-face in a professional meeting when you know that, sitting out in the parking lot, your car looks like this? That the main event of the work day is people asking what the hell happened to your car? It's quite hard.

I started my day yesterday on quite a bright note. After working my 7 hours and 15 minutes, or whatever we're cut back to right now, I was outta there for 9 full blissfully work-free days! Even through the torrential downpour, I smiled on my way to work, thinking of how clean my house would magically become over the next week and two days. I daydreamed of sitting in a blow-up boat on the lake, sipping something fruity through one of those itty bitty stirrer straws, and being in the front-row at the Gavin DeGraw concert, he'd wink at me, then pull me up on-stage with him to sing a beautiful duet.

I daydream like this a lot... especially in the car... if people look in my window while driving down the highway, they probably wonder if I just got laid. I'm quite smiley anyway, but in the car, it seems that my imagination takes over. I'm either at the beach, in bed with Denis Leary or sitting in my beautiful mansion, telling Esther to get my sleeping mask & my flask.

Well, my daydream was rudely interrupted yesterday morning when I realized I had a 'flat' tire... or something like that...

Almost to my exit ramp, I felt a thump... thumpity thump... then I realized I was driving 5mph... the car wouldn't let me drive any faster, and at this point it was no longer thumpity thump... it was bing bang bitch BOW! I truly didn't even freak out. Sure, it pissed me off that I had a flat, but I handled it very well.

I pulled off to the side of the exit ramp and called my husband. He calmly told me that since I was so close to work, I may as well drive it the rest of the way there. HA!

So I did.... bing bang bitch BOWing all the way! I drove 5mph, and what would normally take me 3-4 minutes to get to work from this point, I made it in no less than ten :)

I knew something wasn't right when I looked out the passenger side window while driving around a curve, and noticed that rubber was flapping in the wind... all the way up by the windshield. I was laughing so hysterically, I had tears in my eyes. I kept driving... the BOW became Clunkity BOW BOW Clunkity BOW BOW! I wondered if I'd make it into the parking lot. I did. YAY!

So I parked way out... where hopefully no one would notice. HA! Pretty soon, I'm sitting at my desk, trying to get organized for my last day of work, and I get a picture message from a coworker on my cell, asking me what the hell happened to my car. Along with it was a picture of my tire. I later found out that, due to previous experience, staff assumed that I was unaware of the jacked-up tire. See, I normally listen to my music so loudly in the car, while daydreaming, they must have concluded that I did not hear the thumpity thump clunkity BOW BOW clunkity BOW BOW over my thoughts & music.

The car is still sitting where it was sitting yesterday... there in the parking lot... it's amazing how many people noticed it... and scolded me for driving to work on a blown-up tire. My husband told me to people! Blame him! :)

So... as you can tell by the photo, there is now a lot more wrong with this car than a flat. I don't think we'll be patching that tire. I'm not even sure we can attach a new tire to the old hole it's supposed to fit firmly into. What I do know is, I don't really give a shit.... I'm on vacation baby!

Risky Business & Late Night Picnics

I've drank both nights this weekend. After Friday night's solo drinking, I had no next-day side effects. Unfortunately my luck didn't carry over into today. I'm so tired. My head hurts. And I now know that Jack Daniel's Down Home Punch is not the best beverage for a calorie-counting weight loser. I've concluded that skinny girls who drink every night must not eat... they drink their calories. I've realized that unless I can bite into it, it's probably not worth the calories... unless it's a cappuccino, or some other type of fancy coffee. I think I'll stick to my natural high-on-life perspective. It's much cozier here.

I was quite amused when one of my best friends stopped by at 1:30am yesterday. We had a middle of the night picnic outside. These are the activities that can only be truly appreciated while intoxicated. We laid there & talked... I drank my punch. She drank her Koolaid. We act drunk even when we're not, so the picnic wasn't much of a stretch for either of us. We ate Doritos together, and attempted to play Marco Polo with other drunken neighbors. We thought about fishing in the creek next to my house, but resorted to just laying there... I love laying in the grass... whether I'm under the influence or not. It's a strange fixation of mine. I could probably sleep outside every night & be perfectly peaceful... if it weren't for psycho serial killers & the crazy neighbor lady who asks us to petition for big trucks to be moved from the immediate area. Yeah, she sucks.

On a happy note, I'm starting to be able to feel a difference in my clothes since I've been losing weight. It feels good! I am appreciating the ride... I decided to do that... to enjoy the process, rather than only appreciating the end result. I feel better about myself after a straight month of journaling and hard work. And, other than this day-after-drunkenness setback, I have had very few days where I go to bed or wake up feeling exhausted. I'm much more energetic, and that makes me one seriously happy loser!

I've gotten away from posting a quote each day. I'll try. No promises, but I do promise to try ;)

Today's Quote:

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

-Rodney Dangerfield

Have a great day! I'm off to drink lots of water now... need to stock up on the ripply goodness of Cottonelle.

Kell ;)

Dragging Cats & Missing Appendages

I hate driving. I truly do. I take that back... I like driving to and from work only. I love listening to my music at illegal volumes, singing even louder & tuning out everything that is evil... including my cell phone.

I'm also not much of a phone person. I have a select few people I enjoy talking to on the phone. Other than that, I screen. I don't mean to be a screener... I know it's quite rude, but know in advance... if you call me, there is a good chance I'll look at my caller ID and put my phone down, emptily promising myself to call you later.

Now if you text me, I'll most-likely answer. I wish all of the calls I get at work could just arrive in text form. For such a social person, I sure do enjoy technology! I'd rather see your face when we talk to me... or just not talk at all. It's not you, it's me. And it has nothing to do with how much I like you, or how interesting you come across on the phone... well, actually it has everything to do with that, but I wouldn't want to hurt any feelings here.

Back to driving... I have hit several mailboxes in my day. Luckily they weren't too badly injured, and I drive pretty much the same, even though I no longer have a passenger side mirror, due to my love for touching mailboxes with my rear views. I truly don't miss it. For a while, I left it hanging there, cracked & broken, whipping in the wind. One day I was guilt-stricken. I felt like an evil cat hitter dragging the cat at high speeds down a busy highway, while people called 911 to report mirror/cat abuse. I couldn't afford jail time and my conscious couldn't take it, so now I'm just completely mirrorless on that side. It's sort of like having one ear, one breast or one eye... you have to work a little harder to do every day things (such as cut people off) but in the long run, we become stronger people because of it.

You see, in the rearview mirror of life, you may see things differently than you would if they were in front of you. For instance, if a mailbox hit me, I may think twice about driving too closely to the right side of the road. If I called God and he checked his caller ID only to promise to call me later, I may be more apt to answer my phone. My running into mailboxes has taught me a lot. I will now be writing a book... "Everything I've Learned in This Life I've Learned from Hitting Mailboxes"...

It's the smallest events in life which teach us the biggest lessons.

-Kelly ;)

Kissin' the Curb

I really don't remember ever blogging when I'm pissed off. I thought this could bring a new perspective to my oh-so-sweet image! HA! As I've mentioned in previous posts, I smile sweetly at people, say hello to everyone who crosses my angelic path, and think only good of others. Tonight this is not the case. I'm just irked. Mad, pissed, angry, evil... whatever ya wanna call it. I'm just AHHH! It's definitely NOT the night to mess with the Kelly. I may scream in your face or start laughing uncontrollably. You just never know when circumstances like these arise.

I'll start at the beginning...

I was visiting my best friend Sunday night. I took a trip down to the gas station to grab some Subway. We've both agreed in the past that deli meat sandwiches are not at all fun, nor a treat, but it was that or Taco Bell. The choice made itself.

So anyway, I get to the gas station & I'm feeling a bit woozy. This isn't too different from my usual state, so I don't think a lot of it. I stepped out of my car and immediately twisted my ankle. I then fell over a curb, fell onto my knees and then onto my nose. I had my glasses on, so the middle section decided to cut into my face. It was fabulous. And to top it all off, I then fell onto my forehead. Priceless!

To rewind this scene, I'm sure I would laugh hysterically, along with the rest of my friends & acquaintances, who all assume I had been drinking when this incident occurred. Just so you are all aware, I was not inebriated. I was, however, drinking grape sugar-free Kool-Aid, which I hear causes green bowl movements. How interesting! I'll get back to ya on that one!

So after falling in slow motion, I then sat on the pavement, unable to get up. A guy walked out of the gas station, looked at me, didn't say a word and got into his car. I smiled at him. How nice that he stopped to make sure I was okay. Asshole!

Then a lady ran to me and asked if I needed some napkins. I felt my face, and when I looked at my hand, I freaked out just a little more. I was bleeding! A lot! Sure lady... bring me some napkins. I stared at her blankly. What I thought had come out of my mouth hadn't. But she went to get my napkins anyway.

When she got back, she asked if I needed help up. I explained to her that getting up at that point wasn't gonna happen. I think she thought I was crazy. She was right :0) Hehe.. okay, so a little smile just emerged from my irritability. Dam it.

So, after I was holding some napkins, I put the contents of my purse back together, grabbed my evil glasses (I will soon be a full-time contact wearing diva) and stood up. Oh woozies.. it woulda felt good if it didn't feel oh, so bad!

I got in my car. A man ran up to me and asked me if I was okay to drive. "Probably not, but I'm gonna" I said. I then drove back to the nursing home. I called my mom, who works there, to ask her if there was any way to get to my friend's room without walking by the nurses station. No such luck. I had an older resident compliment my purse (thanks, by the way, lady!) on my way to my friend's room. Of course, there were several people sitting at the nurses station, and although I was trying to cover my oozing face, they noticed. LOL. Damn giggles.

Nurse Jennifer took care of me. She asked me if I knew my name, where I was and what day it was. I felt so proud! I knew them all! I was secretly hoping for a sticker, but once again, no such luck.

So, to make a longer story a bit shorter, I went back to my friend's room, my husband & kids picked me up (I wasn't sure if I should drive, because although I wasn't drunk, I'm pretty darn sure I couldn't pass any cop tests.. you know, walk & turn, HGN, etc. I'm not even sure I could do those things on my best non-drunk day), and we came home. My mother, husband and best friend informed me I should go to the hospital. I refused. That's right. I refused treatment.

So I've had a killer headache for 2 days now. I know I should've went to the hospital, but it was Sunday night, and the thought of sitting at the Marion General ER just didn't sit well with me. I'd take my chances. If I went to the hospital, I'm sure they would've just told me I was dehydrated or I had an upper respiratory infection, and sent me on my way... I said a nice prayer just in case I didn't make it through the night. (Stifling more giggles as we speak.)

Well, I made it.. and still today (Tuesday) I have had a terrible headache all day. So I went to the doctor today, and they informed me they want to scan my cat. How fun! I've never had a cat scan before. I figure it's a couple minutes of quiet, right?! Who cares about the claustrophobia. I get peace! Bring on the machines!

Tonight when I got home, I explained to my babies that I needed quiet time. Mommy's head was pounding. Daddy had been up over 24 hours, and neither one of us had much energy. The kids decided to scream at me louder than usual (or maybe it just felt that way since I feel like my head is full of lead pipes) and Joel decided to play Rock Band. I tried to catch up on my Young & the Restless in the bedroom, but do you think that worked? Heck no! The kids follow me everywhere. I know I sound like a fantastic Mom right now. I love my kids dearly, and I don't know what I'd do without them (okay, so I do... I'd vacation... for a long, long time), but sheesh! Give me a break!

Well, Abbi now has to poop, Aiden is throwing an economy-size package of baby wipes around the living room and Logan is jumping on Aiden. I have to go. Please pray for me... and forgive my cursing. It's a bad habit... but I enjoy it.

Kisses to all. Hope you all are just swell.

Kelly ;)

The Come Back...

I have been so incredibly goofy this week. I can't focus. I'm taking these fancy vitamins, and I think that has something to do with it. I'm also watching my calories, drinking lots and lots of water and exercising. The difference in my mood, energy and the almost instant lack of bloat has been fabulous! The lack of focus is a bit disturbing, but I can live with that. I'm a ball of energy from sun-up to sun-down and beyond!

I'm not drinking energy drinks and taking caffeine tablets or anything... I'm just eating right and taking vitamins... and the exercise... oh the exercise. My calves are still quite sore from my last fast-paced walk. I'm walking with a friend, which helps. Although we enjoy taking breaks, laying in the grass, and we often text while walking. It's good to have large open areas if you are a text-walker. Trees can be dangerous, and holes in the ground can cause a twist of the ankle knobs. But we do it anyway!

I've lost 6.4lbs in the past 2 weeks... and a total of 12... it makes me feel good. I want to lose quite a bit more, but I feel like I am becoming the healthy chick I want to be. If I get a hot bod in the process, I'll enjoy shopping much, much more!

Pure craziness is the most fun side-effect from my weight-loss and new found energy! I talk even louder than usual, sing on the intercom at work (wait, I did that before!), try to steal glasses of Diet Coke from the Chinese restaurant and scream at innocent bystanders from car windows.. even if the car belongs to somebody else. Summertime is perfect for car to car fun! In the winter, you have to be a bit more creative... like last holiday season when I threatened that I'd beat people while riding down State Route 95, holding a giant roll of wrapping paper out my window, and shaking it at more innocent people creepily.

I know a lot of people in my immediate world can't stand my happiness and pure wildness. I also know that I have a few appreciators, and that's all that really matters... plus the fact that I'm so silly most of the time, my mind can't focus, so I just assume everyone loves me. I love you all, too!

I'm thankful for the uniqueness we all possess... not so much for the bitchy, mean types, but I still love you... I just think you need to dig out that squirrel that sucks all of the happiness out through your bung hole. You would be much happier without squirrel droppings taking the place of your happy cells.

I thank you for your patience in reading this. I'm foggy, and while I enjoy the fog, you may be lost in space by now. Confusion is blissful... trust me!

You can check out my fancy vitamins here... and all kinds of other goodies!

www.advocare.com/09013719