Cheeseburgers, Swine and Fun with Alligators

Mom and I took the lovies down to Polaris today to Cheeseburger in Paradise and to the mall to play on the germ-ridden playground. While I realize the swine flu (as we're no longer allowed to call it) is in full-force right now, and my skin crawls just thinking of the germs floating throughout the upper-crusty mall, my kids love it.

The mall is QUITE the melting pot of people! I had a fabulous conversation with a Mexican woman who did not speak a lick of English today. My Logan was playfully "tickling" her daughter, and we both found it to be extremely cute. I spoke in my best English. She spoke in her lovely Spanish, and we smiled at one another sweetly, heads cocked and everything. Who says there are language barriers? I think conversations where two people can't understand a damn word the other says are f'ing fabulous!!!!!! I plan to visit the mall more often just to engage other non-English-speaking folk in meaningful conversation. I'm so happy that woman didn't understand when I told her daughter she was an evil twit for putting my Logan in a headlock at one point. Just kidding... kinda... but the evil little hag did headlock my baby, as witnessed by my mother.

After a gallon of hand sanitizer had been soaked into 6 tiny hands, the electric steps, as my dad enjoys calling them, came next. My children are fond of alligators (elevators to most), and today they insisted on trying out the escalators. I obliged them, because anything that holds so much interest (and is free!) makes me one happy chick! Aiden and I rode up hand-in-hand and back down the same way. Abbigail and Mama did the same. And then Logan. Logan insisted I carry him up, so I did. But down?! No damn way! That kid wasn't movin'! So the rest of the crew rode up to meet us, and we went to find some non-moving steps. I think we'll stick to alligators for a while...

The toy store came next. I was rather unimpressed to be quite honest. They didn't even sell real Play Doh! Mom and I enjoyed making fun of the crappy toys, which were the equivalent to 'frosted fruit O's' rather than Fruit Loops. I'm not dissing off-brands... but toys should seriously have some quality standards. Many of these... did not.

On our way home I subjected Mom to The Plain White T's and Maroon 5. She seemed to enjoy my music of the moment. Logan fell asleep, while Abbi and Aiden sat in the back of the van crabbing over who could play with the farmer that came with the jacked-up fake tractor toy Grammy had bought for them.

As some of you know, I'm going through a rough time right now. Lots of changes going on, and I'm going through the process, remaining true to myself, to my babies and those who love me and I love. Days like today are a necessity at this point. If it weren't for fun, family, friends, music and hope for the future, I'd lay down, go to sleep and not surface until I'm 63. I'm thankful for the joys in my life. I'm grateful for the things I have to look forward to, and I'm hopeful that one day, on top of my already crazy-happiness, I will be blessed with even more.

Because quite honestly, we all deserve that.

Swine? What Swine? It's All About the Flamingos!

Warning: Once again, must warn you... if you are not clinically insane, or close, you should stop reading now. This message will cut down on the amount of hate mail I receive. Thank you for your time... and read on if you're one of the fun ones, like me!
About the Central Ohio Flamingo Flu: DO NOT FREAK OUT PEOPLE! Media coverage will make this a water cooler discussion leading to heart attacks and anorexia. Don't get sucked into these antics. This is a serious case, but nothing Bob the Builder and some stick-poking admission charges won't cure:

There are so many bugs floating around out there... the Plague (hey, we'll all be plagued with something eventually, right?) and now the panic-causing swine flu. It is quite scary if you hang out with people who sleep in barns with their piglet friends, or have a swine fetish. I personally am not a huge fan of pork. I do enjoy bacon on occasion. Whether on the plate, or waddling around in a field, pigs are not my friends. I feel for them with this flu... no one is thinking of the pigs' feelings and the need for pig hospitalization. It's all about the humans! Just leave the pigs out of it, why don't ya? They invented it! Give em some credit.

So, tonight I was very distraught watching our local Central Ohio news station. We are now being overtaken by the incredulous FLAMINGO FLU! That's right! When coming in contact with a Central Ohio Flamingo, you will immediately notice symptoms unlike any other. It is a horrible disease, one that we should slap the flamingos right off their foot for.

Those affected by Central Ohio Flamingo Flu have contracted this disease by having hot, steamy make out sessions with pink flamingos, and by nestling with the birds on swan lake. These voluntary acts are not advised. On the other hand, if you wish to contract Flamingo Flu, consider the two items above your instruction manual.

Symptoms of Central Ohio Flamingo Flu Include:

-Involuntarily standing with one leg in the flamingo position

-Instant craving for crustaceans

-A curvature of the neck which cannot be treated, even by the most holistic chiropractor

-A light pink tint to the skin, eventually becoming a fabulous shade of hot pink!

-Involuntarily singing Coca Cabanna at the top of your lungs, out of tune, whether you have musical ability or not

Precautions:

-Be prepared to enjoy friends and family showering you with affection, hoping to add some color to their winter white skin.

-You may never switch legs. You are in a statuesque position now.

-Your leg will constantly feel as if it is on pins and needles, and once people notice this, they will be swatting at it with sticks and switches. Pretty soon people will be paying admission to see the Pink Flamingo Flu People.

-All proceeds will go directly toward Flamingo Flu research, and my children's college tuition.

Treatment:

-There is no treatment or cure for Central Ohio Flamingo Flu. You may drink large amounts of hard liquor to mask symptoms.

There is Hope!

-If the money raised does help us to find a cure, we will put you on a mailing list. You will likely receive a response within 365 days of the cure.

Contact Information:

If you have any further questions, please contact The Central Ohio Advocates for Flamingo Flu Research. Check your local listings.