Monday, April 13, 2009

Guest Blog: Presenting Joel Thorpe, my husband

A note from Kelly: I have been reading about blogging all day today. I revamped my blog (thanks to my friend Sarah for her blogging expertise) and keep logging on to it, just to look at it's new beautifulness. I feel quite inspired today, but have decided to turn the spotlight over to my husband. His recount of his day yesterday is very amusing, and I knew you would enjoy... read on...
I have been suffering through a bout of bronchitis since the thursday before Easter. Plagued with constant fevers I have been off work laying around on the couch, whining like a school yard sissy. When it comes to illness, I am pretty much a pansy.

Since I have been moping about on the couch, lamenting my pitiful exsistence, I had to miss out on the Easter festivities with the families. Of course like most family gatherings it can be a crap shoot on how it plays out. My wife took the kids and left me to my box of tissues and cold medicine. I certainly wouldn't want to pass this off to the rest of the family... well maybe one or two depending on the day. I slept some while they were gone and watched a movie when I woke.

I had just taken a shot of that putrid toxic waste that my Dr. prescribed as a cough medicine when my wife arrived home. The kids came in all excited to show me the new scooters they got from the "Easter Bunny", aka grammy and papa. My youngest son was astride his scooter when his face got a funny look upon it. He looked to me as though his stomach was rolling, and sure enough he vomited on the living room carpet. I will never understand why I never have the luck of the children hitting the linoleum, which was to his immediate right. I am really starting to wonder what is going on at my wife's parent’s house. At the last family gathering, all three of my children were decorating the carpet when they got home. I know it really has nothing to do with the in-laws food but a matter of coincidence. If this keeps up my kids are never going to want to go to any of the family gatherings, especially if they start purging their dinner every time they get home.

My two boys both ended up having fevers so they were given children's pain reliever and put to bed. Thankfully so far so good… none of them have required a change of sheets and clothes.

My wife and I decided to try to watch a movie and relax a bit before bed. We purchased a movie on pay-per-view called Fireproof. I had heard it was a decent movie and so had my wife. As we watched the movie, my wife and I kept looking at each other and finally we decided to call it quits on that movie. I don't think we made it a half hour. To me it seemed like the acting was about as pitiful as a porno. Now I'm not one for pornographic movies, but I'd be lying if I said I've never seen one. I believe I may have even seen one with better acting than that waste of $3.99. So we decided to try again. We purchased a movie called Body of Lies. This movie was more up my alley.....action thriller. Unfortunately my wife lost interest pretty early and decided she didn't want to finish it. She gave me her blessing to continue watching and advised me she was going to go to bed.

I was feeling pretty tired and crummy, so I decided I would join her. Because I am a third shift worker, I rarely get to sleep in bed with my wife. Being that I am sick, I decided to say screw the sleep schedule, it's all jacked up anyways. We sat in bed for a while talking and the next thing you know my night actually got a little better. ;D We both drifted off to sleep, which for me lately has been in half to one hour increments.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up and it was 7 am. The kids woke me up as usual, for when one gets up so must the whole house. Not quite ready to get up, I got out of bed with the intention of shooing the children back into their beds. I dodged the rocking chair blocking the hallway which served no barrier but to me. This struck me as odd because I put the baby gate up before I went to bed. Hard to say for sure, but who knows what my children are thinking sometimes. I figured they did it.

Just after I get the kids back into their beds, I heard a knock on the door. I made a quick dash toward the door, with my shortcomings exposed to anyone who could see into my house. In the window at the top of the door I could see the top of my dad's head. My wife was off today so he wasn't supposed to be here to baby sit. I opened the door a crack to explain it to him when I see my mom walking up the sidewalk being trailed by my aunt and uncle from New York and my deceased cousin's wife and kids. “Surprise, surprise” my dad says. I tell him to hold on while I get dressed and dashed back to the bedroom to wake my wife.

About that time I bolt upright in bed, head pounding and feeling like I was roasting from within. An oddly vivid dream. Feeling a bit dazed I looked at the clock....7 am. I got out of bed, this time remembering to grab some pants and checked on the children....all snug in their beds asleep. The baby gate was where I put it. I hopped across the gate and went towards the front door. I peered out the window just in time to see a mass infiltration of cars into my driveway. WTF?! Did I just have some strange psychic dream? My dad's entire side of the family must have all synchronized their watches because they all arrived at the same time. That also struck me as odd because in my dream, it was my mom's side of the family. I opened the door just as the family arrived, and groggily bid them welcome. I told them I would be right back and went to wake my wife. She was less than thrilled at hosting an unexpected family gathering at 7 in the morning. We both started to get dressed and just about the time I am about to go back to the living room, I bolt upright in bed again, head pounding and feeling like I was roasting from within.

Now I was really dazed. I looked at the clock and was relieved to see that it was 2:30 in the morning. I felt like I had just taken a journey beyond sight and sound. I knew now that I was safe from visiting relatives. It was a very strange feeling to be having a dream and to wake up in a dream, to waking up from a dream within a dream. It all seemed so real, right down to the red Ohio State t-shirt I had put on. I don’t know if the fever had anything to do with it or not, but I don't think I will ever wear a nicotine patch to bed again. I had heard they can cause vivid dreams, but damn, it was scary in its' own way. Now its 4 am, I am too weirded out to sleep......guess I will go finish that movie.

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