Pink Casket & Denis Leary Sitting on my Desk

Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. You cum, you smoke the butt, you eat the cookie, you go to sleep, wake up and go back to fucking work the next morning, THAT'S IT! End of fucking list! -Denis Leary

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0248752/quotes

I tend to agree with Denis (about everything really). Happiness truly does come in small doses. I normally wouldn't drop an F-bomb in my blog, but hey! It's a quote... I didn't say it... Denis did :D

I am so utterly excited about several things right now!

1) We move into our new house September 1st. Bigger house, bigger yard, a sun room with skylights (I believe this will become my new happy place), closer to work (sorry Joel... further for you), kid-friendly neighborhood, buying rather than renting & a full basement to banish the kids to (do NOT call CPS... this is a JOKE :)

2) My babies start preschool this year. This makes me jerk with tears and giggle with happiness! On one hand, I am losing my lovies. They won't need me anymore. They are already shunning hand-holding and insist on scooping their own food onto their big-people plates. It makes me teary thinking about it. On the other hand, we are THAT much closer to 18 and freedom. NO I'm not trying to get rid of my kids... but it's good to have things to look forward to. As you roll your eyes, you know you're secretly agreeing with me.

3) Vegas! I'm going to Las Vegas in October with girl friends from work. OMG! The excited feeling I get when I think about Vegas is over-the-top, out-of-control, higher-than-any-illegal-drug CRAZY happy! We are on a strict budget due to the fact that I am not happy with ONLY a new home, but I also need a VACATION. Viva Las Vegas Baby!

4) The Beach! I don't know when. I don't know how. I don't know why, but I LOVE THE BEACH! The beach is literally my very favorite place in the world. I have many, many places I want to visit (and yes, I will see all of them cause my Bucket List says so), but the beach will, to me, will always be the most beautiful place in the world. And I'm not talking about a beach on the Scioto River... I'm talking about the OCEAN! The ocean people! I'm tellin' ya.... I love it! If I could fondle it and grope it I would! It's just that damn irresistible.

5) Vacation Bible School. Yep, I realize I'm a curser. I love it. That's one of those small things that makes me happy. Foul language. I have an English friend who curses like a sailor (do you know how much I wanted to add an F-bomb there?), and it cracks me the hell up! The thing is, my kids are going to be hanging out with other cool kids (and some bullying twit-peeps, I'm sure) next week at VBS... this is the first event where we will be dropping them off & leaving them. They are so excited, and Mom is too... I'll cry that entire week. Bang boom badalada... just give me narcotics, cause I'll be a weeping willow tree the whole freakin' week. Double my meds. That's what I'll do.

6) The beach in my new house! I will be decorating our new sun room in beach decor. Know what that means? I can go to the beach every damn day! Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah! I'm thinking of sand instead of carpet... and a big tank people can swim in. Hmmmmmm.... brb... calling the decorator now.
Damn, he told me I was crazy... back to square one.

So moving on, if you were to see me on an every day basis, you would realize that the smallest things in the world amuse me! Here are some of those things:

1) The copy machine at work, get this, STAPLES and SORTS! It's freakin' awesome!

2) The coffee pot, get this, can be PRE-SET! So when I wake up in the morning, my coffee can be sitting there ready to burn my tongue! It's fabulous!

3) We aren't even close to being to the end of the 22 episodes of Rescue Me this season! Just this show alone could make me run after rainbows & find the end & drop kick a martial artist with the adrenaline alone.

4) My new house has a 4-car garage! I don't even own that many cars. In all honesty I don't even own one of my vehicles. The van still has many moons of payments on it, and the car is Dad's. I'm 30. It's good to have the bills paid :P

5) Budgeting to go to Vegas, go to the annual craft show (hey, I buy Christmas gifts there!) and buy a new house... even if it means we eat rice, bread, soup beans and corn from the field for the next few months :P

6) My computer at work has an absolutely amazing picture of Denis Leary on it, and my screen saver is Rescue Me. I say goodnight to Denis before I leave work. He loves me.

7) Good hair days. If my head is full of curly-cues and they are all over the damn place, I'm fanatically happy! If it's straight, dull and blah, the happy level is kicked down a notch. I'll stick with the kinks ;)

8) Catalogs! Oh my God, give me a catalog and I'm on cloud 9! Put me to bed, give me a stack of catalogs, a 6-pack of Down Home Punch, a telephone and a credit card with a fabulous limit, and I'm in heaven! I'm not high-maintenance at all. I just happen to like stuff, money and booze.

9) When I am caught up on paperwork, I literally think my co-workers should throw me a party, buy me a male stripper and have him feed me strawberries of the chocolate-covered variety. I like to be praised. And I like to be praised well. :P

10) Turning 30. Yes, I turn 30 in December. December 1st actually. I expect gifts... and a surprise party. Please? I act like I dread 30, but I really just want all the attention attached to it. Didn't you know? I like to be the center of attention... I want people to remember me when I'm gone. Oh, and I want a pink casket, so anyone who is still alive when I kick it, help me out with that. i also want Gavin DeGraw to sing at my funeral. See, even my funeral excites me!!!!!!

I have to tell you... it's good to be delusional. It's good to be amused by the teeny tiny perks in life. As I've said before, my thought process may not be healthy, but I'm happy, and that's all that really matters. Oh, that & my kids... I like them to be happy occasionally too.

Pink Casket! Don't forget...

Come Into My Bedroom...

I love my bedroom. It is by far my very favorite room in the house. It's amazing how a box of a room can be transformed into a beautiful get-away.

Now, to the average rich bitch or the pimpin' mac daddy, my bedroom probably holds no fascination. For me, it's pure bliss. I have little treasures and trinkets... things I absolutely love & lust (see Denis Leary & Gavin DeGraw below). I'll explain in pictures... it's the easiest way! The pics are a bit grainy... they were taken with my cell phone... but I think they capture what I see when I walk into my little oasis. Enjoy!

Our bed is so comfortable, I just look at it and literally feel my eyes start to flutter, and a little bit of drool starts coming out of my mouth...
My mom introduced me to 600+ thread-count sheets a few years ago, and I'm now truly a sheet whore! I love them! I can't get enough! My birthday is December 1st... sheets please! I'll love you forever! ;)

As many of you know by now, or are about to find out, I am in absolute lust with Denis Leary. I can't help it. I look forward to Rescue Me like it's a drug, I have The Asshole Song on several of my mixed CDs, I have Denis on my desktop at work (HA! I wish... I mean my computer) and when his book Why We Suck came out last year, he was in my bed... a lot! :)
As I've mentioned before, his beautiful wife, Ann, was the author who encouraged me to start blogging. I read her blog, and fell in love with it. I still read it daily. I sent Ann an email praising her blog, and she quickly responded with nothing but encouraging words. When I do publish my book one day, Ann will be mentioned...
So, anyway, back to my bedroom... Ann Leary was sweet enough to have Denis send me an autographed picture earlier this year. I have it proudly displayed in my bedroom...
He is the cause of my one deadly sin... lust. ;)

Believe it or not, this is my wedding bouquet. I had a small bouquet at our wedding, and we had it freeze-dried and framed. It was pricey, but worth it. I think it's beautiful. And it has remained beautiful for over 10 years now. Good investment.
Th sconces hanging on each side are Home Interiors, which I purchased at a dirt-cheap yardsale for 50 cents each... I love them. I love all things dirty & cheap...

This doesn't appear to be a very interesting corner, but for me, it's my little library, among other things... You can't see the mirror above my night stand, but it's gorgeous... another yardsale find... as were the crazy flowers (they reminded me of me). I love my little book basket, or magazine rack, as most folks call them.
My Grandma Pat gave me the night table years ago. It's beautiful. I now also have the hutch that matches it, which will be a focal point in our new home. We don't have room for it at the current house. It sits in the garage, waiting patiently.
My Nicholas Sparks collection is in my little book basket, along with my lovely book "Book Lust" which is a journal for readers. Nicholas Sparks spends lots of time in my bed, too. I heart him.
I think my lamp is absolutely adorable. My scroll calendar was a Christmas present to myself last year. And my mom gave me a beautiful music box last year, which holds all of my hair thingies. :) Little hiding spaces make me happy!

Whenever someone goes on a vacation to the beach, I ask them to bring me back shells. I love shells. I love the beach. I truly don't want to have to ask anyone for anything... I'd much rather curl up in a ball and ride along in your suitcase to the beach itself.
I found some great shells in Atlantic City last November! Mom & Dad go to Myrtle Beach a lot, and they bring me back colorful shells from the gift shops. I'm not picky... but I do LOVE my starfish and my sand dollar.
As you can also see, I have a headless woman holding my necklaces. I thought it was rather strange at first, but headless chick has grown on me. I'm sure her head would be very pretty if she had one.
I can't take it anymore! I MUST talk about Gavin! The picture in the very pretty frame, is me holding on for dear life to Gavin DeGraw, and completely ignoring my husband.
Gavin is a sweetheart, and Joel is an even bigger sweetheart for putting up with my mad crushes. This picture was taken in August of 2008. I was then blonde. I now... am not. ;)

Here is a closer look at the picture of the picture of Gavin & I... and Joel. LOL
You can also see my stack of paperclips, which I tend to leave in my scrub pockets at work.
I always take them back! Jeez! Give me a freakin' break... and please keep this on the down-low :0) That's how rumors start people! Hehe...
The box below the picture & paperclip population is full of seashells from Atlantic City.
I wanna go back... right now...

I was once an Avon lady. The mirror and shadow boxes are from my Avon days. The vine going up my wall is from Uppercase Living. I absolutely love their stuff! I have a friend who sells it.
It's difficult to see in the pic, but my perfumes sit on a very pretty mirrored tray.
I really like oil warmers... I have several... and my candle, in all it's prettiness, has pink sand surrounding it. A beach with pink sand would be my dream location.. I don't even need a house... I'll just sleep on the pink sand & jump in the ocean when I start to stink... It would be lovely!

My jewelry chest is one of my most prized possessions. It's gorgeous, and I've had it for several years now. It's packed with jewelry (most of it isn't real, so no thievery please...)
The mirror is also awesome! It was an Odd Lots special years ago...
and my candles were a freebie from hosting a PartyLite party... they have the greatest incentives! I used to host a party once a year & get hundreds of dollars worth of smell-goods for next to nothing!

Last, but certainly not least, is my "Be Yourself -Everyone Else is Taken" embellishment from Uppercase Living. This is one of my favorite sayings.
I live by it. I love that it says it's okay to just be me...
Good rule to follow... cause I really can't change the facts.
Acceptance is the first step, right?

Okay, hope you enjoyed the tour...

I'm going to my room.

Over the River & Through the Woods...

Our Seemingly Normal Family :)
Read on...

This past couple of weeks has been just a trip at our house! As I previously posted, my children had a wonderful time with everything cold... the refrigerator incident... http://kellysoriginals.blogspot.com/2009/06/water-coffee-creamer-baby-carrot.html

We have also had a hotdog & Cheez-its flushed down the toilet... I'm so thankful it wasn't a braut or a steak, cause I'm not sure it would've flushed without assistance, and I sure hate having toilet water splashed up at me...

The kidlets also took a sneak peek into my purse, ate all of my 3-hour mints (they should be minty fresh for the next 5 days), made a swimming pool out of orange drink, little people & a bowl... not to mention they found my new unopened pack of gum and impacted their mouths with it.

The joys of being a Mother...

Here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks. I will add captions for the full Kelly-esque experience... I'm not adding pictures of the toilet, because that would be, well... weird...
Enjoy...

Gavin DeGraw Concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This was our 3rd Gavin concert within the past year. We were lucky enough to get front row again, which is just absoluely awesome for a blind gal like me...
I could actually see him... and grope him... and bite him... ya know, if I wanted to. ;)

I came back from my 9-day hiatus from work to a brand new computer, which I immediately decorated with Denis Leary. It's so nice to have him at the office every day! We've really bonded...

The kids & I played house. I was the baby. Abbi was the Mommy. As you can see, my sons do not like to be dressed. They like to show off their abs day in & day out... SO into themselves... ;)

Aiden being absolutely illegal. Abbigail does not like anyone in her room. Everything is very neat & tidy, and princess-y... If things are out of order, her toddler OCD kicks in & she goes through the roof.
Aiden likes it...

My friend Amy & I had a girls' night out. I was thankful. Amy chose my drink for me... a peach Sangria. It was a little piece of heaven.

I'm adding this photo because I know my husband reads my blog, and he likes boobies.

My wild babies before the 4th of July Party. This was the day of the Cheez-It incident AND the gum/mint incident.

The party we went to was just absolutely awesome! They had a pond with a little beach for the kids to play on & Mommy's to relax on. In my mind, I was on the beach... sunning in a lounge chair (no sun that day), enjoying the sand (most-likely bought at Walmart), having hunky waiters bringing me fruity drinks (my Diet Coke tasted better than ever!).

We took a walk down to the river through the woods at the party. That reminds me of a song...
Anyway, Logan was taking in all of the wild life, mosquitos, scenery, etc.

At the party, we also played Cornhole (that sounds SO Ohio!, bounced in the blow-up 'castle', jumped on the trampoline and when we got home, we enjoyed the Prospect fireworks right from our front yard.

Ups & downs, and ins and outs... it has really been a great past couple of weeks!
It just took me typing it all out to realize it.
:) -Kelly

Toxic TV

I am easily amused. I love most anything, as I've mentioned in previous posts. The mere sight of Denis Leary makes me a silly, giggling basket case.. similar to a school girl with an erotic fascination for her much older teacher.

I won't bore you with a list of the 100,507 other things that make me swoon, sing and sweat... but I will share with you that one of my favorite pastimes is watching TV. I understand that some very influential people do not have televisions in their homes. I think that's odd, but I'm not one to judge, so I just assume they either can't hear or see, they are afraid they may reenact the scenes on CSI or The Girls Next Door, or they simply enjoy meditating at home for hours, praying for their deep-seeded anger over not having a television to go far, far away.



I don't watch TV for hours on end. I have my favorite shows, I record them and enjoy watching them and fast-forwarding through the commercials. If I happen to see a commercial with Denis Leary on it, I rewind (imagine that!), but otherwise, I don't like to waste time on them. I am thankful for the invention of the DVR.

We don't deprive our kids of the evil, mind-altering cartoons either. They have actually learned a lot from the dreaded television. We do all of the other stuff, too.. we play outside, read, play games, blah blah blah... but they love their Noggin and Scooby Doo, and I'm quite alright with that. Sure, Abbi has said damn-it (which was disappointingly hilarious), but I figure when preschool starts this Fall, the twins will hear a lot worse... probably from the non-Tv-watching kids whose parents scream ass and shit and damn constantly, due to their pent up non-Tv-watching frustration. Assholes. ;)

I will now tell you about some of my favorite shows and why I love them so:

1) Rescue Me -Main reason I watch this show: Denis Leary, the occasional appearance of his cute little butt, fireman in uniform, cryptic humor, lots of cursing, lust, a hot show I can watch with my hot hubby.

2) Grey's Anatomy -Main reason i watch this show: Hot doctors, namely Mark Sloan, hospital sex, good acting, more lust... occasional love thrown in.

3) The Young & the Restless -Main reason I watch this show: Watched it since I was 4. Nick Newman is freaking hot! He & Sharon are hot together, it's always there, it never goes away. ;)... I do miss Ryan.

4) American Idol -Main reason I watch this show: The auditions are priceless, and I can't get enough of terrible singers who think they are incredibly talented, the transformation from week 1 to the finale, hot guys that can sing, a show I can watch with hubby (although he makes fun of it), Adam Lambert.

5) Desperate Housewives -Main reason I watch this show: Gabby's clothes, more cryptic humor, the fact that the last show sucked, but the next one just might be better, Marcia Cross's hair.

6) Jon & Kate Plus 8 -Main reason I watch this show: Kate is evil, I feel bad for Jon, I love that they make my life look easy, I feel blessed when I watch this insane show, the fact that we may get some gossip on Kate's evilness towards Jon, and the cheating accusations, pure craziness!

I could go on & on, but I'll close for now. For those of you who enjoy your television shows, I bow to you. For those who don't have TV's... enjoy your chair yoga (if you allow chairs in your home) and your bird watching. The rest of us use binoculars for other things.

Quote of the Day: (if you watch Grey's Anatomy, you'll understand this. If you are TV-less, you won't have any idea who this Meredith Grey person is, or what in the hell this quote means. Maybe you'll understand tomorrow's quote :)

Meredith Grey: You don't know this yet, but life isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s not supposed to be this hard.

PS: For all of the people who now think I'm evil, this was posted all in good fun. No hate mail please... well, it's okay if you send hate mail... I can take it! I might report you on TV... you'll never see it! Hahahahaha!

Puffy Clouds and My Love of Stuff

Quote of the Day:

There must be more to life than having everything! Because where would you put it all!

I like stuff. Lots & lots of stuff. I don't like to have clutter. I like everything to be neatly put away - or at least thrown into closets and rooms not viewable by others.

When I buy new uniforms, I wash them all so I can see my dozens of pretty scrub outfits hanging in a row. I have several pairs of shoes to match them as well. I'm a 'stuff' person. I love jewelry and books, my computer and gifts.

I don't particularly want to be this into stuff. I just am.

I do appreciate the free pleasures in life, too. Family, friends, the beach, etc. I don't let my love for my favorite stuff overshadow my love for natural and beautiful non-stuff.

I realize that when I die I can't take stuff. I do like to believe that God makes Heaven our own, and I may have a big screen TV with endless new episodes of Rescue Me, while Denis Leary and I sit together on our puffy cloud and watch each and every episode while eating Chinese food and 7-layer cake, all the while not gaining an ounce of weight, because food in Heaven has absolutely no calories, and people that get through those beautiful gates are granted pecks and guns as they cross the magnificent threshold.

My whole point in this babble of a blog is to tell you that while stuff is often the source of my amusement and happy-go-luckiness, it is not the source of my contentedness and happiness.

Stuff just can't do that.

My Own Worst Enemy

At this very moment I should be in bed. It's 12:31am and, once again, I will be waking up tired tomorrow. Okay, I'm tired whether I have had 4 hours of sleep, or 10. I just love sleep. It makes me happy.... along with fancy coffee, flip-flops (or slip-slops as my Abbi calls them), Denis Leary and my family & friends, not in that order.

I have come to the realization that I am my own worst enemy. I will often tell a resident at work how pretty she looks, or how nice he looks in his new shirt. I often get the replies, "Oh, I'm so old... I'm not pretty", and they shrug me off with a chuckle. I always tell them that they are their own worst critic. WOW, I've never put MYSELF in that position before. Sure, I receive compliments now and again, but do I accept them with a simple "thank you" and move on throughout my day, a little spark in my step from their nice words? Hell No! I pick it apart, and wonder if they were just sucking up... to the point where I don't even enjoy it. Huh... I guess I should practice what I preach...

I am genuinely a nice person. When I tell someone they look nice, I mean it. As I've mentioned before, I see the good in people. The bad sneaks in every now & then, but that is just being realistic. I often wonder what people truly think of me? I won the award for the "Happiest Employee" at work last year. I wonder if that's how people see me... as "happy"? Most generally I am. I like to think people believe I have a kind spirit, and I'm fun-loving and easy to talk to. I like to think that my less-than-perfect physical attributes (I'm quite pale and practically blind) are less seen because of my sparkling personality.

The problem is... I may be able to figure out what others truly think if I allow them to think it... to me. If I stop pushing the kind words aside, and take them to heart. If I let the nice things people say get to me as much as the mean things they do and say, I'd be a new woman! Why is it we remember the bad remarks so much more easily than the good? Why are we honestly our own worst enemies, our own worst critics?

I may not receive a compliment tomorrow... but if I do, I'm going to take it to heart. I'll let it put a smile on my face, and an extra spark in that step. I may even say "thank you" without laughing or shaking my head.

I have learned something today... I need to allow people to like me... in order to like myself. I am a good person, and I'm going to let the world see it. And those who don't? Well, they have issues of their own, so they need not worry about mine.

Don't be your own worst critic or enemy... join me and mean it! You are wonderful, and so am I!

My TV Boyfriends... one of my favorite topics!

Celebrity Hotness

(Read on for a look at my beautiful TV boyfriends, in order from most current to long ago...) Note: Not all of my famous men are pictured.

Mr. Leary (Past, Current & Future Crush)

Mr. Leary with his fabulous wife, Ann

Julian McMahon, aka Dr. Christian Troy

William Peterson, aka Grissom

Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing

That is me with him in the photo ;)


Don Johnson in Miami Vice

There is just something about cops & fireman

Steve Guttenberg
My first celebrity crush

I love my husband very much. I have for many years. We met when I was an infant... just kidding... but I was in my early teens. I had one serious and one semi-serious boyfriend before, and in between Joel & I. The poor guy put up with my indecisiveness... bless his heart! I just couldn't make up my mind!
After the upcoming story, you may wonder why Joel loves me and puts up with me at all. I'm just thankful that he does!

Joel 'won' because I eventually came to my senses (okay, maybe not, but I did choose him), and realized that I would have a much more stable life with him, and I loved him in a healthy way. The other guy (evil boy as I now call him) and I broke up often, and I later learned that there were many other girls in his life. Aw, young love... it's amazing how relationships at such a young age can affect the rest of your life.

So... my whole point is... I never had a ho period. I was never a club girl, and I certainly never jumped into the beds of guys I didn't know.

Joel and I married when I was 18... 6 months out of high school. I don't regret it, but...

The one very bad side effect I have suffered with, since I was never a ho, is my insatiable lusty infatuations with celebrity men. I have always had a TV boyfriend... even since I was little. So, maybe this celebrity syndrome, or whatever it's called, is just a condition I was born with. I don't know. Luckily it's not a stalker-type obsession. It's just a 'healthy' lust, if there is such a thing, for certain celebrity men. I'm very particular in my choices, and have been since I was a little girl.

My first TV boyfriends were Steve Gutternberg and Don Johnson. I remember kissing my pillow, imagining I was actually kissing one of them. I was five.

Throughout the years I have had equally maddening crushes on many celebrities. In my tweens I fell deeply in lust with the very high-pitched, saprano-singing NKOTB member Joey. Shortly thereafter I enjoyed the company of Patrick Swayze My oldest, dear friend Amy and I would watch the 'dancing' scenes in Dirty Dancing over and over again, wishing we were Baby. I would've even settled for that hussy pregnant chick... anything to be close to Johnny.

A few years ago I had a major daydream fling with William Peterson, better known as Gill Grissom of CSI. I think it was the whole distinguished thing. I didn't even mind his slight limp. In my mind it was sortof hot!

I also lust after Julian McMahon, Nip/Tuck's Dr. Christian Troy. I really need to say no more about him. He is just tall, dark, handsome.... a lovely specimen!

My longest and lustiest crush is Denis Leary. He probably always will be. I had heard of Denis before Rescue Me... my husband listens to a lot of stand-up comedy, and I had heard Denis' raunchiness, but never truly appreciated it, or him for that matter, until we started watching his fabulous firefighter show.

WOW! Denis is just hot! Of course this is my opinion, as I'm sure it's the opinion of his beautiful wife Ann, whom I adore. Ann has a wonderful blog I read daily, and what a beautiful couple those two make! I just love him... and her... in different ways of course!

I also have a slight crush on Gavin DeGraw... okay, it's a little more than 'slight'. As I've mentioned in earlier entries, I have had the pleasure of meeting Gavin on two occasions in the past year. I realize that I'm not hot like the many girls belonging to the boobs he signs (just a guess), but a girl can dream... not that I want him signing my boobs... okay, if my husband is reading this, I am sooo digging a hole right now!

Speaking of Gavin, his Columbus, Ohio concert is friday night. I'm having a minor surgery on thursday, and thought the concert would be a wonderful get well gift! I was so excited, happily typing in my information on ticketmaster.com when the evil screen popped up telling me the concert is sold out. What a disappointment! Oh well, we'll catch him next time... I guess a girl in lust can't expect to see one of her celebrity flames in person three times in one year!

So, anyway, now you know my dirty little secret... I'm a wannabe celebrity ho!
What will people say?

With a chuckle,
Kelly :0)

PS: Tell me about your celebrity crushes!