Happy Tears

As many of you know, we are moving. The garage is packed with bunches and bunches of yard sale items, which will be traveling with us to our new home (bigger town... bigger yard sale turnout). We also have a crazy amount of trash bags filled with items not even a 1 cent price sticker would make someone feel guilty enough to buy, and we have been adding these into our regular trash pile on Tuesdays when those hulk-armed trash truck guys, bless their hearts, come to visit our curb.

So we have a big section of yard sale items, a bigger section of black plastic & a medium-sized "keep pile" filled with trinkets and necessities and impulse purchases we have learned to love, and can't part with.

This "keep pile" gets me into trouble. I reminisce. I sit and look at old purchases and get weepy. The can is what REALLY gets me in trouble. No, I'm not talking about the commode, though that subject has ventured to the surface quiet frequently in my blog-life. I'm talking about the photo can. You know those popcorn tins you can buy at Christmas for people you a) really don't like or b) have no idea what to buy, and don't feel like spending any real amount of your hard-earned money on? Well, we have one of those tins, popcornless and full of old pictures.

I can't tell you how many times this week I have made excuses to go out to the garage. I go out there and pull up two of our extra-ugly old dining room chairs (yard sale pile, if you're interested). I use one chair to sit on, and one to pile photos on. They depress me.

I seriously used to be a bean pole... a tiny little thing with a nice rack (the rack remains), pretty blonde hair and a wardrobe I was proud of. Because face it, when you are a size small/medium, you can buy just about anything you dream of in the clearance section.

I felt truly depressed all day today. This should be one of the happiest times of my life. We are getting out of the renting cycle by buying our first real home, I'm going to Vegas in a couple of months with good friends, my babies are starting preschool and we survived a week of VBS, my husband is on day shift after many, many moons of thirds and on and on and on....

So why am I feeling so blue? I go through these phases. I suppose people who jump for joy at the mere glimpse of an oven mitt they haven't seen in ages, or an extra box of Christmas decorations they find in July, are gonna find a valley every now & then.

I decided to just let myself bask in my blues today... stay in my jammies, take a few naps, pack only when I wanted to pack and leave the mundane household crap to my husband. After all, every day isn't like this... but once in a while I think it's forgivable.

In all honesty, I would be happy to sit here & pinpoint my problems for the whole world (or at least my 35 loyal readers) to see, but I can't. I know the few problems I do have are nothing compared to the issues other folks are going through.

I'm going to post some of my pictures now... some of the photos that make me sad. It's my way of soaking it in, sucking it up and letting it go. Enjoy...

In Windsor, Canada... see Detroit?
This was my first real trip away from Joel after we got married.
I went with my friend Linda. We went to a strip club called "Danny's".
I'm still looking for the pic of me with my stripper.

This Santa was a perv, and I had bad hair... but I was happy...

What in the hell was I thinking?!?!?!



Teddy & I. I still miss Teddy... a lot.



This was me ready for my Junior Prom in my room at Mom & Dad's house.
My fascination with hot famous men started really young...
I loved this Prom dress.



Mom putting my veil on before the wedding.
CROCODILE TEARS..... Wahhhhhhhhhh!



Chris & I with our Cabbage Patch Kids.
I believe in the end, we probably all owned 25 Cabbage Patch Kids.



At my thinnest... a few years back.
Would ya believe I still thought I was fat?
Duh!



I thought I had a huge fat roll in this picture.
Double Duh!



On our honeymoon




Why didn't anyone tell me how terrible my hair was? :P




This was when I was running, doing the WW thing & in the best shape... oh, and orange from self-tanner :P



Joel with Teddy...
More sobs....... Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!




Fishing with Dad on vacation In PA.

I'm going to go burn the can now. Goodnight.

Back Bumps... Cleavage From Behind...

I saw back cleavage today. I didn't realize it existed. It gave me an overwhelming urge to research the condition... was the woman I saw just carrying weight in her back, or was she blessed with two sets of funbags? I may never know...

This happened at the bank. I was in line... the window I was standing at closed, so I had to step behind people who had just walked up to the other line. It irritated me slightly, but me being me, and the fact that it was Friday made me realize that it was in fact, no big deal.

The woman I'm speaking about was facing me when I first changed lines. She was talking to her very thin friend, and they appeared to be annoyed with the bank worker. I found it slightly humorous. When the woman turned around with her back to me, my eyes grew. Those big huge puppy dog eyes I've always wished for appeared. Then they turned into saucers... I had to look away or there were going to be after-4th fireworks right there at the bank! I thought my eyes may explode. Back cleavage! Who knew?! I was amazed!

This poor lady was wearing a very tight, low-cut tank top and her back and front sides looked identical! I couldn't help but wonder if she had two butt cracks. I am not so rude as to take a picture of this... although I really wanted to! In all honesty, I was just afraid I would get caught. If there hadn't been people standing behind me, I so would've had a picture of that cleavage. I've never been into cleavage, or boobs for that matter, but back boobs are really quite amazing!

The front crack and back crack had no dissimilarities! I wondered if they made bras for this poor lady... bras that have front and back cups... and where would the bra fasten? On the sides maybe? Talk about an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder! I soon realized that it didn't really make a difference... this woman obviously didn't believe in bras at all. No bra straps to be found. I looked on in wonder...

I couldn't help but ponder if this woman would be considered a God-send among men. So many guys love boobies! Did it matter that she had bulges protruding from other areas? Guys, tell me, if you knew a woman with four tits, would you really care how the rest of her body looked? It's exactly like the butter-face scenario... "everything's hot butter face".

I've never understood the boob fascination, whether they're front boobs or rear boobs. It's amazing to me how much men love these bags of fat. Seriously! If we were carting around fat bags like that on our arms, we would be considered hideous! Is it the nipples that make the difference? If women had big fat bags hanging from their ass cheeks and they had nipples, would men find that attractive? I'm not so sure they wouldn't... the male population is obsessed with titties.

I was once involved with a leg man. I understand the leg thing. Legs are hot! But the breast thing throws me for a loop... I guess the good thing about having a boob man... we don't have to shave em. Keeping up with my stems for the ex was quite a chore! The boobs are easy. Either hide em away or flop em out & you're good to go. Men don't care... they'll take em any way they can get em.

I'm a little disappointed right now. I just looked up the definition of back cleavage on Urban Dictionary (a funny site by the way if you haven't been to visit) and this is what it says:

Back Fat: When a fat lady (particularly old), wears a swimsuit or bra that is too tight in the back and it squishes the back fat together to give the illusion that there are boobs on their back.

I did some further investigating, as I was not satisfied by the definition above. I found a photo of the beautiful Alicia Keys, who believe it or not, had back cleavage at the Grammy Awards! So even hot chicks can have back breasts! How strange!

I also found a video on YouTube with a song dedicated to back cleavage. You must see it! If you enjoy stupid humor like I do, you'll giggle and maybe even snort a bit. I did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S0oqCk6sRI

I wonder if women with back cleavage enjoy their extra pair? I wonder if the men who love them look at their back breasts longingly when they are behind them, and their frontal breasts when they are facing them.

Men, please weigh-in here and let us ladies know if you enjoy a nice pair of back boobs.
Inquiring minds want to know...

Off to look at my back in the mirror...

Ladies, be thankful for your knockers, and gentleman, be thankful you have women who are ready & willing to share their pillows with you. Yes, we are all blessed.

Shrinking :)

A while back I mentioned the fancy vitamins I've been taking. I had been wanting to lose some weight & was feeling extremely lethargic. I was absolutely tired of being tired! I would come home from work exhausted, with no energy to play with my babies or my husband. ;)

While my hectic schedule had a lot to do with it, I knew my diet needed attention, I needed to start exercising and taking my vitamins again. Then I met an AdvoCare distributor and started using their products.

Within a week I was absolutely hooked! Not hooked like you get hooked on drugs. :) I was hooked in the best way possible! I had an immediate increase in energy, and I started dropping weight instantly. Within the first 4 weeks I lost over 16lbs and my motivation sky-rocketed. For the first time in a long time, I truly started to believe in myself! I knew that with the amount of success I had already seen, I could continue to find the courage and motivation to continue a healthy lifestyle... something I sometimes lack.

I started faithfully taking my vitamins, exercising more consistently and eating right, with a few splurges along the way. :)

As excited as I am with my short-term success, I know the long-term effects will be amazing! I'm so anxious to run again! I used to run like a crazy woman pre-babies. I want that back!

As you all know, I normally throw my slap-happy humor into nearly every blog post. I really wanted to tell you about AdvoCare today!

Check out the website: https://www.advocare.com/09064465/default.aspx
You can help me earn a little money :)
I recommend the MNS for appetite control if you have weight to lose. You can also check out the MNS for energy. And if you need instant energy, the SLAM is awesome!

Alright, no more sales calls ;) I just had to let my readers know! I'm stoked!
Let me know if you have any questions.

-Kelly :)

Nailing, Screwing & Glass Licking...

I can never find a hammer. Our laundry room is full of pictures & doo-dads I wanna hang up. I procrastinate, not only because I think it's incredibly frustrating to hang a picture & it quickly becomes crooked, but also because of the fact that the hammer is never anywhere to be found.

Losing things happens a lot around here. I can never find my glasses. I can't tell you how many times I've vowed to put them in the same spot... it just doesn't happen. It's a bit ironic, really... blind girl looking for glasses which make her not quite so blind.

Feeling for them is more like it. It's really too bad glasses don't have a scent. I suppose scratch n' sniff glasses would be pointless, since one would have to find them to scratch them to sniff them. Hmm... that covers three of the senses. I guess taste is out. Licking around for anything just doesn't sound fun unless you are under the influence or in hot, steamy mode... though I have known some to enjoy a good glass licking (see above photo).

I won't even mention hearing... that would just be weird... talking glasses. Actually, it could be fun... after pondering... imagine your glasses yelling "YOU SUCK" or "Lick Me Baby" at a particular time each morning. Alarm clock glasses. Man, I could totally patent this stuff!

Back to the hammering now, cause I like that subject... the children know that I'm always hammer-less. I know right where the screws & nails are. I don't screw as much as I nail.. I prefer nailing for sure.

Aiden, bless his little heart, has offered me his plastic hammer from his tool kit on occasion. Last time he offered, I thought "why not?" ... it worked. It mis-shaped the plastic a little, but it did do the job. I've also been known to use random household items to nail something.. a can of peaches (no puncture wounds to report), the 'other end' of a screwdriver (why is it that the driver is always nearby?) and a baby doll head (no rude comments please... the plastic was VERY hard and the doll's head remained intact).

Other items I lose consistently include, but are not limited to:

-My cell phone

-My keys

-Brain cells

-Money

-As of late, my ass, thankfully :)

-Shoes (seriously, who loses shoes?)

-My kids (KIDDING!)

-Respect (for comments made, such as the one above) ;)

I'm going to set a goal to spend less time looking for things. Rather than having to trouble myself with putting things in their own little place, if I lose my glasses, I'll just go blind and pray I don't hit anyone or sign my life away. If I continue to lose the hammer, I'll just start screwing instead. If my keys are missing, I'll just steal the neighbor's motorcycle. If I lose my shoes, I'll wear my Betty Boop slippers and if I lose those, I'll stop at the nail salon... barefoot... and ask if I can get a pair of those pretty disposable pedicure thongs. If I lose my kids, I'll be thankful for a little vacation. If I lose my phone, you can't bother me. If I continue to lose brain cells, right on! ... I'll be even more closed off from the dark realities of this world... and if I lose respect, that's okay, cause I won't have the brain power to comprehend any of it.

To all of you fellow losers out there, let's drink to that! I'm buyin' a round of test tube 'skittles' shots all around...

And I wonder where my money goes...

Risky Business & Late Night Picnics

I've drank both nights this weekend. After Friday night's solo drinking, I had no next-day side effects. Unfortunately my luck didn't carry over into today. I'm so tired. My head hurts. And I now know that Jack Daniel's Down Home Punch is not the best beverage for a calorie-counting weight loser. I've concluded that skinny girls who drink every night must not eat... they drink their calories. I've realized that unless I can bite into it, it's probably not worth the calories... unless it's a cappuccino, or some other type of fancy coffee. I think I'll stick to my natural high-on-life perspective. It's much cozier here.

I was quite amused when one of my best friends stopped by at 1:30am yesterday. We had a middle of the night picnic outside. These are the activities that can only be truly appreciated while intoxicated. We laid there & talked... I drank my punch. She drank her Koolaid. We act drunk even when we're not, so the picnic wasn't much of a stretch for either of us. We ate Doritos together, and attempted to play Marco Polo with other drunken neighbors. We thought about fishing in the creek next to my house, but resorted to just laying there... I love laying in the grass... whether I'm under the influence or not. It's a strange fixation of mine. I could probably sleep outside every night & be perfectly peaceful... if it weren't for psycho serial killers & the crazy neighbor lady who asks us to petition for big trucks to be moved from the immediate area. Yeah, she sucks.

On a happy note, I'm starting to be able to feel a difference in my clothes since I've been losing weight. It feels good! I am appreciating the ride... I decided to do that... to enjoy the process, rather than only appreciating the end result. I feel better about myself after a straight month of journaling and hard work. And, other than this day-after-drunkenness setback, I have had very few days where I go to bed or wake up feeling exhausted. I'm much more energetic, and that makes me one seriously happy loser!

I've gotten away from posting a quote each day. I'll try. No promises, but I do promise to try ;)

Today's Quote:

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

-Rodney Dangerfield

Have a great day! I'm off to drink lots of water now... need to stock up on the ripply goodness of Cottonelle.

Kell ;)

The Come Back...

I have been so incredibly goofy this week. I can't focus. I'm taking these fancy vitamins, and I think that has something to do with it. I'm also watching my calories, drinking lots and lots of water and exercising. The difference in my mood, energy and the almost instant lack of bloat has been fabulous! The lack of focus is a bit disturbing, but I can live with that. I'm a ball of energy from sun-up to sun-down and beyond!

I'm not drinking energy drinks and taking caffeine tablets or anything... I'm just eating right and taking vitamins... and the exercise... oh the exercise. My calves are still quite sore from my last fast-paced walk. I'm walking with a friend, which helps. Although we enjoy taking breaks, laying in the grass, and we often text while walking. It's good to have large open areas if you are a text-walker. Trees can be dangerous, and holes in the ground can cause a twist of the ankle knobs. But we do it anyway!

I've lost 6.4lbs in the past 2 weeks... and a total of 12... it makes me feel good. I want to lose quite a bit more, but I feel like I am becoming the healthy chick I want to be. If I get a hot bod in the process, I'll enjoy shopping much, much more!

Pure craziness is the most fun side-effect from my weight-loss and new found energy! I talk even louder than usual, sing on the intercom at work (wait, I did that before!), try to steal glasses of Diet Coke from the Chinese restaurant and scream at innocent bystanders from car windows.. even if the car belongs to somebody else. Summertime is perfect for car to car fun! In the winter, you have to be a bit more creative... like last holiday season when I threatened that I'd beat people while riding down State Route 95, holding a giant roll of wrapping paper out my window, and shaking it at more innocent people creepily.

I know a lot of people in my immediate world can't stand my happiness and pure wildness. I also know that I have a few appreciators, and that's all that really matters... plus the fact that I'm so silly most of the time, my mind can't focus, so I just assume everyone loves me. I love you all, too!

I'm thankful for the uniqueness we all possess... not so much for the bitchy, mean types, but I still love you... I just think you need to dig out that squirrel that sucks all of the happiness out through your bung hole. You would be much happier without squirrel droppings taking the place of your happy cells.

I thank you for your patience in reading this. I'm foggy, and while I enjoy the fog, you may be lost in space by now. Confusion is blissful... trust me!

You can check out my fancy vitamins here... and all kinds of other goodies!

www.advocare.com/09013719

Weighty

So I've been watching what I eat. I haven't been exercising lately, due to not feeling well. In all honesty, for about a week I didn't have an appetite, which greatly boosted my weight loss efforts. I lost 6lbs that week. Unfortunately my appetite is back in full swing, and I'm finding it much more difficult to 'watch what I eat' now that I'm focused on it. I've lost 16lbs total, and I don't care to share how long I've been attempting to shave off that very small tip of my incredibly overwhelming iceberg.

Back in 2001 I lost a little over 72lbs on Weight Watchers. I greatly enjoyed the process, and managed to break out of my comfort zone to become a Weight Watchers leader after losing my weight. Leading the meetings, I believe, is when I truly began to get to know myself. I had always been a bit of a funny hermit. I enjoyed going out with friends, and often made them laugh, but I also found great joy in avoiding life, not answering the telephone and living in my awkward state of confusion.

After losing my weight, and leading the WW meetings for about 2 years, my focus changed, and Joel & I began trying for a baby. I remember I was working down in Columbus at the Weight Watchers corporate office one day when one of the seasoned, very prominant leaders and motivational speakers called me into the conference room and asked me what was going on with my weight. I stared at her in disbelief. Sure, I had gained a few of my pounds back, but I was nowhere near my start weight, and I still looked damn good. She had no idea that, behind the scenes, Joel & I were having fertility problems, and I was a nervous wreck, peeing on sticks constantly, only to be disappointed month after month. Her words stung, and obviously, six years later, I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday. I sat there patiently, and then told her we were trying to get pregnant with no success. She didn't get it. It was all about how you looked in front of the group. How motivational could I be if I had gained 5 or 10lbs?! How obvious that would be to my loyal members. I was quite certain they wouldn't quit attending their weekly meeting, full of friends and encouragement, to find a leader that was a bit thinner than me. Looking back, it is quite amusing. Back then, it was not.

Many months, positions and legs in the air later, we found out we were finally having a baby. I was still working down at the corporate office, and leading a few meetings a week. Although you are not supposed to follow the program while pregnant, I continued to lead the meetings. My members still didn't quit. I guess my huge, beautiful pregnant belly was not a motivation killer for them. I was so extremely sick I actually didn't gain much weight throughout my pregnancy. I threw up the entire 9 months. I blamed it on the fact that I was actually pregnant with twins, but after having another sickly pregnancy 2 years later (a singleton this time), I realized I'm just not very good at being pregnant! I now realize that is why God blessed me with 2 at once. He didn't want me to have to go through that over and over again.

I quit working at the Weight Watchers corporate office shortly after I became pregnant the first time. I can only imagine the comments I would have received regarding my weight from my 'motivational' friend at almost full-term, with nearly 13lbs of baby in my belly!

After I gave birth to the twins, I lost a lot of weight. Then, more quickly than I could have ever imagined in a million years, it came right back! I have been struggling with this ever since.

When I started Weight Watchers again a couple of months ago, I felt that same motivation. Although my circumstances are much different now (3 kiddos four and under, a full-time, often stressful job and making our marriage a priority while working different shifts), I knew I was ready to get back to it, and look at my weight loss journey as a more positive experience this time. No one would be hounding me (except me) and I would take it in stride. I even started another blog, dedicated to my journey. I soon realized that keeping up with one blog was quite enough. After all, I am the girl who buys beautiful journals, writes in them for a week, and then every few months, only to give up and buy a new journal, promising to get to bed earlier each night so I just might have the energy to reflect on my day, and jot down a wonderful story, which would later become a bestseller!

My motivation comes and goes now. I have a great urge to find the thin body within my fatter body again. I remember looking so good, and still feeling fat. I won't make that mistake again. Just this week, a resident at work asked me if I was losing weight (at high volume in front of several others). I answered honestly, and said 'yes I am' proudly, rather than making some snide remark like I would have my first time around. He then went on to tell me that his sister had also noticed. WOW! What a compliment! A good friend I work with also asked me, in that same week, if I had lost weight. I've decided to soak in the compliments and let my chest fill up with pride this time! Why not? I have heard enough put-downs and jerk-face remarks for a lifetime! Plus, the puffier my chest gets, the less you will notice my iceberg belly!

Although it may take me a long, long time to lose what I wish to lose, I know, through this experience, I will gain a better perspective and learn (even more) to be thankful for my amped-up view of life and living.

I posted a new picture above my original 'Red' picture on here, because I see a bit of a change in my face. I am seeing a shape form... a nice shape... replacing that beach ball shape. How fabulous! Please know this is my face I'm referring to... my body will take a bit to catch up!

I know, I know... it's only 16lbs (I refuse to round down to 15). I would like to lose a much larger amount, and need to, as I long to fit into some of my most beautiful, Kelly-ish clothing again. I'm just taking it a day at a time... no promises to blog on this tomorrow.... or ever again... but tonight it's on my mind, so I'm putting it out there! Sooner or later, I'll have much less to 'put out there'. You just wait & see!

Later on...