Thursday, May 13, 2010

When I die...

One day, when I leave this world, I would like to be remembered for my great attitude and high-energy; not my crabiness and drama.

One day, when I leave this place, I would like to be thought of when someone hears "Legs" or "Shiny Happy People", not "Crazy Bitch" (well, maybe), or "Promiscuous Girl".

When I die, I'd like to be remembered as the girl who wrote funny stories and made a difference; not the girl who hurt people purposely and believed she was beyond beautiful, and all men wanted her.

When I leave this Earth, I want the people I loved to brag about how I spoiled them... how I loved them... and how I thought of them before even considering myself. I want to be remembered as the girl who loved to love.

And no, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon :)

-The End

Friday, May 7, 2010

A Year Since Damn-It: Happy Mother's Day!

I've been reading back through blog entries from 2009 today. I can't believe how many posts mention my children, and the crazy ass things they do! Many of the things they say and do are completely worthy of a blog... even if it's just for my own collage of memories. Some of the stories tend to amuse others, even outsiders, which makes me happy!
Here is a favorite of mine from June of last year. It walks the reader through the creative sundae-making process of 3 young children. Enjoy:

Now that Joel has a new home, and the kids spend just as much time there as they do here with Dan & I, I miss them like crazy when they are away. Let me rephrase that... the first day is like heaven... free as a bird heavenly. By day 2 I miss them like crazy. I will still never, ever understand how parents or grandparents can, by choice, spend months away from their children or grandchildren. Those kids, along with Dan and my friends, are my life.

Anyway, often after day one of having the babies back at our house, I'm usually ready to ship them back to Daddy's for a while. The feeling passes, and you may think I'm terrible for feeling that way, but the time we spend with them is precious time, and we both know that.
So, today I am reminded why I became a Mom. Two stories, two kids, one very amused me.

Story 1) Logan (3 1/2) is obsessed with bananas. He loves them. He loves to peel them, look at them, eat them... he's just a banana kid. I have no complaints... they are cheap and easy... just as I like em. Logan & I spent some quality 1:1 time together this morning while the twins were at preschool. I'm still banned from work until my eye has been drenched in antibiotics for 24 hours, and since the doctor prescribed me SULFA, which I'm crazy-allergic to, I'm back to square one. I'm not feeling too terrible at this point honestly, so being banned from work for a day isn't such a problem.
Okay, so I got off-track there... Before Logan & I left the house to pick up the twins from school, he asked if he couldn't have a banana (his second of the day). Me, being the push-over that I am, said yes. We got into the van and Logan peeled his banana, and quickly ate through 1/4 of it. While we were waiting in the parking lot, I took a picture of him happy with his nanner...

I cranked up some music so he'd have some tunes to go with his 5th snack of the day, and soon I hear, "MOM!" (in Logan-speak)... "Turn 'at down!" I looked back at him and he had the most annoyed look on his face. Once he saw I was paying attention, he got very serious and said, "Mom, this nana is igusting (that's Logan-speak). It has poop in it"... I started laughing like a hyena and watched as Logan spit out the pointy end at the bottom of his stick of fruit :P I'm not sure how many bananas will be in his immediate future. He was thoroughly "isgusted". Note to readers: Don't consume the point of a banana... it apparently has poop in it. :)

Story 2) Abbigail & Aiden ran out of school, armed with plants they had potted for me for Mother's Day, and cards with their pictures on them. I nearly started crying, but then remember that my "bad" eye would pay hell for that, so I sucked it up and gave them hugs (no eye contact involved thankyouverymuch).

As we were driving down the road, the kids and I spotted a few yard/garage sales (an everlasting weakness of mine... trash to treasure and all that jazz). I asked them if they would like to have a yard sale, because Mommy, Daddy and Dan all have some things they could probably sell. I also explained to the kids that if they wanted to put some of their toys, etc. in the sale, they could keep the money. They liked this idea, and immediately starting racking their kid brains for sellables :)

After they yelled out the names of a couple of toys, Abbi said, "Mom! I know! That blue blanket! I want to get rid of that. I'll sell it. All I use it for is to wipe my boogers on". Oh my God! The banana incident didn't even register in my brain after that very honest confession! I cracked up! Abbi did not understand why. As I laughed, she worriedly asked me if I was okay, and if I was still happy with my cards and plants. She was clueless... completely, honestly clueless.

These kids make me who I am. I'm glad the combination of our sick, twisted personalities are rubbing off on them. They will never been ordinary. They are kooks! And I love them just as they are.

One year ago Sunday, Abbigail said "Damn-it" for the first time. I look forward to what this Mother's Day will bring. The kids have a whole day to out-do themselves, although I'm not sure the blue booger blanket is beatable, honestly.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Sprawls and Snuggles

The other night I was talking to Dan about how making him and the babies, and people in general, happy makes me happy. I like to do things for other people, especially the people I love. I don't necessarily need credit (although a huge pet peeve of mine is someone else getting the glory for something I've worked very hard on), and I don't always need thanked. If I've done something nice for someone, it brings me real joy. I don't think the joy comes from the actual deed... I think it comes from the reaction and the feeling. Having someone do something to show you they care, appreciate and love you is an amazing feeling; Being the giver gratifies in equal measures.

While we were talking, Dan reminded me that making time for myself is important, too. I sort of blew off the comment (sorry Dan ;) and went about my merry way. But today, after being sent home from work due to a mean case of pink eye, and having time to think, I realize how much I've actually slowed down in the past few months. It's really hard to enjoy life's experiences when we're in motion constantly... especially when we're running 90-miles an hour with sweat pouring and life slapping us in the face, telling us to slow the hell down. That would be me on a frazzled day. ;)

Anyway, not too long ago, I would feel guilty for just sitting down and watching a TV show. I would have to fold laundry, clip coupons or be busy doing some other random task, because I didn't want to "be lazy"... Don't get me wrong, I still multitask (I wouldn't be me if I didn't), but my very favorite thing to do now is just veg, snuggle, watch a show, maybe have a drink and dinner... just be totally & completely content with doing nothing. I realized today that this (and the occasional nap) is what I do for myself.

When I got home today, the kitties greeted me at the door, and when I went to nap my pink eye away (it didn't work damn-it!), Sasha curled up at the end of the bed, and shortly thereafter, began snoring happily. I took a peek at her, and she was completely sprawled out, happy and content.

The moral of my story? It's okay to be like a cat sometimes. They do nice things for people without even trying. They bring joy just by being present. They nap and are completely okay with being utterly comatose. While we can't spend all of our days that way (and let's face it, how boring would that be?), it's okay to be free like a feline now and again.