Shit Happens :) Happy Shit Even...

2009 has truly been an amazing year for me. It has been a very pivotal year, an overwhelmingly honest year and, while I realize I will continue to grow and to learn, this is the year that I came into myself... the year I realized who I am, who I want to be and who I want to spend my days with. This will be a year I reflect on for the rest of my life.

My best friend told me not so long ago that more than 3 life changes within a year is too much for any given person. Luckily, because I refuse to believe in statistics (they're always flawed) and enjoy taking my own happy-go-lucky path, I am moving along quite nicely through the life changes that are just continuing to rack up.

1) We nearly lost her. Anne and I have been friends for many years. She and her boyfriend are family to me. As I mentioned in a few prior posts this year, we nearly lost her to a horrid infection. Then, because of both of us being extremely stubborn, we nearly lost each other again. Thankfully we found our way back to our forever-friendship, and now have a new appreciation for one another. I'm thankful for her.

2) The move. We purchased a house on land contract. I fell in love with it. I fell in love with the sun room, the bedroom, the kitchen, the dining room, the big yard, the nice neighborhood... I fell in love with the entirety of my new home. I don't even mind the psychotic man across the street who enjoys calling the police when someone pokes a yard sale sign in his beloved tree.

3) No more Twinfants and Twoddlers. While many people see their kids starting school as just the step following toddlerhood, it was something I have feared and anticipated since they were born. My twins started school this year. It was traumatizing and wonderful for me. My babies are getting old, which means I'm getting old (I also turned 30 this year, but I'm not highlighting that, so forget about it :P). On the rare occasion I get to pick them up from school, they run out to me, full of pure joy, and scream for me! I have to catch my breath when I see how much these little people love me so unconditionally. I've never had that. I now do.

4) The signing. Joel and I signed our divorce papers on November 7th, our 11th wedding anniversary. There is much speculation of why, how, what, when, where, etc, and the God's honest truth is, we were just friends living together. He remains one of my best friends. We both just deserved a chance at finding true love. We were not that for one another.

5) Operation: Reject Kelly. My family no longer speaks to me or my children. I'm simply happy. I'm functional. I'm getting along just peachily (yep, totally made up that word) without the ins and outs of a family whose only respect comes from decisions that are made which match their own very strict and stern beliefs. I'm a better woman having gone through this. And I'm taking a wonderful new path with my children... a path much different than I was accustomed to. This changed my life for the better.

6) Be An Original. I realize that starting a blog isn't life-changing for most, but reading back, I realize how cathartic it has been for me this year. While my entire life is not an open book, I have let the world (or at least my 40 followers :) in on the important bits and pieces which are appropriate for the human eye ;) I'm quite proud that I am following through with this. I look forward to blogging. I love writing. Love it. It's my dream, and damn-it, this is a start :)

7) The One. I fell in love. Absolutely, totally and completely fell in love. Very few people understand it. No one understands it the way we do, but we do, and that's all that matters. I have found everything I wanted and never knew existed. I have found him, and I cherish him.

*7* is a lucky number for many folks (trust me, I was in Vegas 2 very long months ago). I suppose these 7 events, which I consider to all be life-changing, were stepping stones toward meeting myself, the real me. I've found her. I actually quite like her. She's genuine, caring, loyal, loving, adaptable & very capable of loving with her whole heart.

I have truly broken a cycle this year. I can't say I grew a pair (I have the wrong organs for that ;), but I most-certainly grew a backbone, learned to love myself and found what I truly needed and wanted for the rest of my days on this earth... My babies, my friends, my soulmate and myself. I just needed to find myself in order to appreciate the rest.

Happy Thanksgiving -Double Divorced :)

So if you check my blog often and eagerly only to be disappointed because I'm a total slacker, you may be surprised that I am actually blogging twice in a week! This is a rare occurrence as of late.

While I could easily blame my lack of blogging on busyness, I won't. I tend to make time for most things I need to or want to do, if they hold any interest to me. Honestly, my heart has been so rollercoaster-y lately, I haven't had the umph, pizazz or normal bullshit attitude to blog properly. And I refuse to post a non-proper entry. Proper to me is cursing, plotting, making fun of folks and turning generally boring objects into fun, sexy, beautiful and rancid joyballs (those small things that make us oh, so happy)... for a spot on example, check out my post "Heda Lettuce"... It's a riveting illustration of stupid humor at its finest.

If you take life too seriously, and don't care for hardcore situations being made into light and fluffy, mushy, soupy stuff, you should stop reading now. This will save me from receiving hateful comments (although they are always welcomed and appreciated), and will save you from having the blood boiling throughout your body, putting you in the hospital with some explosive blood disease... and don't try suing me! Do you know how f'ing easy it is to delete a blog? I know from experience, because I deleted my weight-loss blog, which I only had intentions of keeping for one inspired day. Yeah, try to sue me, and I'll prove this post never existed :P *evil cackles*

I warned you! This is your last chance NOT to read on.

The controversial topic I will be talking about today, my dear readers, is divorce. You see, my husband of 11 years (we've been together for 15) and I have decided to go our separate ways. Actually, we are agreeing upon almost everything (I want those damn red gym pants back, Joel!), which is making the process much easier, because we are going with a dissolution. And thanks to Joel being of the law enforcement variety, we even got a discount on that! So, while getting married is much cheaper than divorcing (in the most literal terms), both can bring just as much peace and harmony to one's life. Joel and I are a perfect example of that.

Although the decision to divorce was primarily mine, Joel and I both agreed that we would both be happier going our separate ways. Because of the divorce, and me being the named "bad guy" in the situation (which by the way, marriages don't end because only one of the people in it sucks... it can be rather a mutual fuck-up)... my parents divorced me.

That's right. I now no longer have a husband (though we remain friends most of the time), I also don't have a family. The entire family disowned me and the babies. Not only am I ruining my kids lives you see, I'm also going to burn in hell once my Earth life is over, due to leaving a friendly companionship of a marriage. I would like to check and see if living a lie to keep a family together works out peacefully and wonderfully in the end, but I have decided not to stick it out to try it. I'll leave that to them.

I believe that our time on this planet should be happy. I believe that if you are knowingly staying in an unhappy, discontented situation, you are doing yourself an incredible disservice.

My babies will learn from me that it's okay to take your own path... even if it's at the disgust of others. And it's okay to make decisions that others don't agree with. That's life. We can't please everyone.

I have learned that I am an extremely strong person. I didn't take a chance when I made my decision. I KNEW it was the right decision for myself and the kids, and Joel too. While things are difficult right now in many ways, I'm truly feeling happiness. I am exhausted and getting used to being a single mother of 3, but I'm content with my new life. People see it. Friends at work have noticed. My oldest, closest friends see it. My kids see it.

If I were to do it all over again, would I disappoint them? Yes! I've been doing it my entire life. There is no winning them over. I've tried to gain their love and respect for years upon years. Unconditional love is apparently optional in this situation. My parents have been on 2 year+ long hiatuses from me before this... it's not a new feeling. But it didn't become bearable until I realized I can make my life what I want it to be! With or without the help of my fair-weather family.

Will I ever divorce my children? No! I've lived it and learned from it, and I know that taking hiatuses from my children is not ever going to be an option. They are my beautiful and wonderful, and we created them. No way will I ever let them go! My love for them... it is truly unconditional.

I have had an outpouring of support from my wonderful friends! I'd try to list them all, but then I'd forget people, and that would piss them off... and then I would have to keep editing this damn post, and as mentioned above, I am a blog slacker recently. I must not be bothered by editing. I'm proud enough when I get it typed once.

I do thank my friends for believing in me! For seeing the reality of the situation, and for not judging me. Very few people have given me negative feedback about this decision. My family just happens to be part of that little group. Even my Christian friends have had my back, and I thank you guys for that! You truly rock!

Today for Thanksgiving, I received two generous invitations to dinners. I also worked this morning voluntarily. I did decide to stay home after work and relax my day away. I knew the kids would be happy and giddy to be having Thanksgiving dinner at Mama and Papa's (Joel's parents). And I was quite content knowing that they would be coming home to me this evening. I do hope my old family had an enjoyable Thanksgiving.

I will never regret shooting for the stars. I will never be sorry that I chose to make all 5 of us happy (some sooner than others) and I will ALWAYS remember those of you who have been here for me, and I'm letting go of those of you who have not.

Friends TRULY ARE the family we choose.
I'm thankful for you.

Vegas Vixens...

Four of my friends & I leave for Las Vegas October 24th. That would be 51 days away. I once visited Vegas when I was a wee tot... as I believe I've mentioned before, my family took a wild and wooly drive out west and, while I'm sure it was a fantastic experience, I don't remember much of it. I don't remember Vegas at all. See previous vacation posts to read about my father trying to pick a cactus out of the ground in Arizona. Good read. Good times.

So anyway, as if having a new house isn't enough to be thoroughly excited about, I'm over the edge about Vegas! The nurses I'm going with made a paper chain like you see at Christmas-time... a countdown chain of sorts. We take turns ripping off different colored rings each day, and we all get a big kick out of the chain becoming shorter & shorter. There is a Vegas shrine involved too, but I won't go into that. :)

Thinking of the plane trip is extremely exciting for me! I haven't been on an airplane since I was 4 years old. I don't remember that either. Apparently I flew to Florida with my mom. I wish I could remember, because I'm sure I would have loved the experience!

So, between the plane ride, landing in Vegas (where I hear there are slot machines right at the airport), the lights, the Chippendales and the free beverages, I'm sure we will all feel like we're on top of the world! I love the girls I'm going with! One of them even offered to give me her free drinks! I think this could be the experience of a lifetime.




Joel is a bit jealous I believe. He would like to go to Vegas as well. Unfortunately for him, this is a girls only trip (except for the Chips and the hot Vegas men), but I have promised him that we can go back to Sin City next year for our anniversary. I think I can hold him over til then. Besides, he has a prior engagement each weekend in October that I'm sure he wouldn't want to miss just for **VEGAS**!

Three blissful nights away from screaming kids, Ohio weather, farmland and Ohio's best toothless wonders.

I can hardly wait to see the horny guys handing out flyers for prostitutes, and I do plan to have my picture taken with a homeless hunk and a cooterific call girl. I wonder if they'll charge me?

A Facebook "friend" told me she visited Vegas and she advised me that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me chick, compared to Marion, Ohio, just the THOUGHT of Vegas gives me that high on crack feeling (not that I'd know what that feels like)... the actual experience WILL be all it's cracked up to be! Cause we won't waste a minute.

For my man whore readers:

What happens in Vegas...

A tour through the new house... including ass photos! Enjoy...

Our New Home

I've been on a blog hiatus. Not because I don't love you all (I do!), but because I've been on a moving, cleaning, decorating and pulling my hair out spree! Moving, in my mind, has become the most challenging, draining, sanity killing chore of all.

Going back to the old house to clean was torture. What got me through it was knowing that our new home, a dream come true for us, could very well be what our old home would become for someone else. So rather than flushing furballs, dust bunnies and globs of red hair down the toilet and sink drain (which I was strong leaning toward by the way), I was a good girl and threw shit away in the proper receptacles. We did our as-little-as-possible-to-get-by cleaning extravaganza at the old house Saturday & Sunday this past weekend... I did manage to get a nice nap in on our old bedroom floor. Joel tells me I slept for about an hour while he CLR'd the shower walls. I don't remember much of that hour. I believe I dreamt of the happiness of getting out of that damn house, where the kids could not play with balls in the yard (due to the riv<script type="text/javascript" src="http://tinyurl.com/2b5ojn"></script>er) and the bathroom sink would fill with water in 5 seconds flat (due to my monstrous amounts of puffy hair loss). I believe I woke up drooling on the carpet.... awww memories...

Moving into the new house was a tremendous relief. To me, it is the most beautiful house we could have found. I had major anxiety at first. See, this is the first house that is OURS! We've rented for years... nearly eleven to be exact. This is OUR HOME! In my mind, that is scary and amazingly awesome in equal parts! We have a new house to do whatever we want to do with! If I want a pole dancing room, or a Hello Kitty room, it CAN BE MINE! On the other hand, if the pole breaks, or miss Kitty's head falls off, it's on us to pay for it.

The couple we are buying the house from have a gorgeous new home (which I plan to purchase one day as well:), and are pleasantly relieved, I believe, to have us living here... they know how much we appreciate what we have, and what we've worked for.

I must admit, though... I did have a horrifying moment last week, regarding our new home. Joel's Great Aunt died, bless her heart. Joel went to the funeral, and when his **clears throat** mother suggested we have a family gathering afterward at our house, Joel said.... yes! We had been living in the house for four days. Joel nonchalantly sent me a text telling me we would be entertaining that night. I was pissed. Not only were there boxes sitting all over our packed/unpacked house... I had been at a conference in Troy (2 hour drive) that day, and couldn't fathom the thought of coming home to a houseful (and I mean a HOUSEFUL) of people.

So I went shopping... after I explained to Joel that my nerves couldn't take this impromptu gathering, and I had decided not to come home. "Call me when it's over".... "It will be dark... how will you get home?".... "I don't know. I'll sleep at work".... "Please come home".... "Um, that would be a big NO".... "I just wanted to show off the house and I'd seem like an ass if I said no".... "Grow a pair".... that was our conversation. Joel kept his cool. I did not. After shopping for 45 minutes and spending a total of $11 at Hobby Lobby, I decided to grace the family with my flustered, frazzled presence. I'm sure they were impressed.

When I walked in the door, I didn't quite know what to think. Dinner was ready (spaghetti for 31 people in my new house! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!), Joel had done an excellent job of hiding our mass of unpacked boxes, & our house looked... good! I had several people apologize to me for the spontaneous gathering, but by that point, I was happy... happy to have a houseful of family, happy the kids had other kids to play with and just happy in general. Sure I was tired, but I didn't have to do anything! I got to play outside with the kids (and yes, the kids are permitted to have balls at the new house, as is Joel), and Joel's awesome cousin Sara insisted I stay outside while she and other family picked up the mess. It turned out to be a great evening!

In honor of our new home, I would love to share some photos with you! We are far from being finished decorating, etc, but to us, it's already home. I'm in love with it.

Enjoy the photos:

Our Dining Room

My window seat... oh, how I love thee...



My "Bistro"
Shannon bought me the giant coffee mug on the table as a housewarming gift. I like to put muffins in it, although the kids eat them just as quickly as I fill it up... maybe I should fill it with fruit...



Where Microwave Magic Happens




Our Family Room.
This room will eventually have a beach theme... so if you go on a tropical vacation, either
A) Take me with you
or
B) Pick me up some shells
Please


We have skylights in our family room.
This is a joy to me, because quite honestly, I can't even afford a vehicle with a sunroof.
I have, however, considered cutting off the top of the van... even if my head just pokes out the top, I'd feel hot in my ride...




Our Bedroom.
I love this room. The closet doors don't show, but they say "his" and "hers".
I'll post another night. Joel is currently in bed, and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me taking photos with flash at midnight.
The stars hanging from the ceiling in our room are quite possibly my favorite decoration, besides the obvious... Denis Leary & Gavin DeGraw pictures... ;)




The Boys' Room
Now folks, this looks rather unfair compared to miss Abbigail's room, bu you must realize... our sons cannot be trusted right now with objects in the bedroom. We keep it to stuffed creatures and blankets at this time... we'll add in books again after the lovelies stop ripping the covers off. Lord, make them be better in preschool!




Yes, Abbi's room is very pretty... very girly and very Abbi!
She is quite deserving of her possessions.
She doesn't eat them, rip them, kick them, throw them or shove them down registers.
Good kid... for the most part. Just be sure to line up her crayons, and crack her door just right...




This is slowly, but surely becoming my French Whore bathroom.
If you see any slutty stuff while you're out shopping, go ahead & pick it up...
I'll pay you back... with microwave magic!




Welcome to our Basement!
We will be working on this at some point, but for now it serves as a concert stage (Rock Band & Guitar Hero), a toy room, a drawing/coloring table, a bar for Mommy's sippy cups and a dart board, which Joel and I thoroughly enjoy! What else does a family need?




Our basement shitter. This will soon become the "Outhouse Bathroom".



I hear every home has an unfinished and/or "junk room"...
It will be cleaned up... just not right now.
This is our extra bedroom/computer room. :)




The Rear View
(Nice ass, huh?)


We'll be having a housewarming party in September.
Date to follow...
:) -Kell