Shake the Glitter Off Your Clothes (The Vegas Experience)

Oh Vegas. Vegas was a few weeks ago, and I've been quite on the fence about blogging our adventure, because a) I was a bad girl, and b) because of a, the memories, fabulous memories, are a bit of a hazy blur.

Angie, Beth, Linda and I started our vacation at (I believe it was) 6:30am on Saturday, October 24th. At that point, I was in a sleepy, splendid, excited stupor, awaiting the plane ride, and the landing in Vegas, where I would see PALM TREES! My love for these amazingly funny-looking trees is almost overwhelming... so much so that, at one point during our vixen vacation, I hugged one. I attempted to hug others, but that would have required climbing over fences and bushes, and quite honestly, I was too drunk to walk in a straight line... let alone traipse through any type of obstacle course. But the trees were lovely. If I could have afforded it, I would have uprooted one, and bought an extra plane seat, just so I could bring the fabulous f'in palm home with me. For now, I'll have to settle for pictures and fabulous video footage. One day I WILL have palm trees. ;)

So back to the beginning... the girls picked me up to go to the Columbus airport way before the sun woke up. Once we got to the airport it was EASY! I expected scary dudes saluting each other, and cavity searches. Instead, checking in our bags was extremely simple, and drinking giant margaritas for breakfast seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do. Linda was pushing the Airborne and while some of the crew tried it to make miss Cream Puff happy, I couldn't force myself to drink the stuff, so I enjoyed my margarita, and not so long after, we were on the airplane to Las Vegas.

The plane trip was fun! Linda was generous and offered me the window seat. We flew over the Grand Canyon, which I'm thankful we didn't visit more closely ;) and a very odd, friendly, compulsive-lying plane-mate bought all of us fabulous chicks a round of drinks on the plane. It was very nice of him. I learned that I really enjoy Bailey's liqueur. It would be quite simple to sneak it into a cup of lovely coffee, and no one would be the wiser. Hmmmm.....

Landing was not so fun for me. It was bumpy. I freaked out a bit, but I was so happy to be in Vegas, I didn't care if I landed with all of my limbs and digits or not. I would've been just as chipper to hobble at that point. Some of the shoe choices I made resulted in hobbles anyway.

Before leaving for our trip, we did extensive research. Our hotel seemed to be famous for it's ancient rooms, which were said to smell of farm animal farts and stale cigarette smoke. It was said that the layout of the building was like a maze... I was admittedly a bit worried, because I have absolutely no sense of direction and I'm of the legally blind category... so the thought of a maze of hallways that looked alike and elevators that would only deliver us to certain floors was disturbing.

Luckily the hotel was just fine. No, it wasn't the Bellagio, or even the Flamingo, but it was a comfy place to rest our heads. Angie and Beth even had a pet bird visit them in their room, and Linda and I got to enjoy the luxury of our feet being soaked while showering (not together of course), as our bathtub filled up with water instantaneously. I had to rush to get my stems shaved before the tub went into full-on overflow mode. I'm sure some transvestite decided to wash his/her hair and there was a giant clump of he/she hair clogging the ancient drain. I wasn't about to stick my hand down there... hair grows in so many areas.... eww...

Moving on...

Each day in Vegas is a blur. The days blend together. Although I had my cell phone glued to me at all times (talkin' to someone special ya see), I had no concept of time whatsoever. I remember which day it was by which outfit I had on. Seriously.

Khakis/Purple Shirt/Flower Flip-flops = Day 1: I believe we went to a water show and volcano show today, but I don't really remember. I don't really remember much at all from this day. I think I must have been hammered. Angie, Linda, Beth? Was I hammered? Fill me in on what we did, cause I just don't know...

Orange Dress = Day 2: Okay, orange dress day was very blur-ish and naughty quite honestly. I don't really remember what I did or said. I do now know that the reason people say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" is because people who are smashed like I was, don't remember shit. I just remember liking that dress, and twirling on the strip. Apparently I was asking my friends to take pictures of my boobs. And, being the loving friends that they are, they did! And yes, the tits were covered... kinda.Strip Twirl ;)


The Convertible Dress

Drunken Nonsense :P


More Drunken Nonsense

Black Dress = Day 3: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh black dress day! Actually, we didn't change into our little black dresses until the evening, before we went to see the Chippendales. Earlier that day we went to PF Changs, which was fabulous! We ate outside on the patio and watched the loons go by. Actually, we just talked a lot, and I believe this was the first meal I didn't drink at. I was pretty liquored-out at that point. That would soon change.At PF Changs

I drank a couple of Amaretto Sours, because I knew I couldn't face nearly naked presumably gay men without alcohol. Beth told the bouncer that it was my birthday (it wasn't, but will be soon... 30 in 10 days...... wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!). Let's just say we got front row seats, and yes, I was pulled up on-stage, and tied to a chair, wound up with a surgical mask tucked into my bra, and we'll just leave it at that... those boys are naughty!
The Bartender at Chippendales. Nice guy, but he wouldn't give me free booze. Ass!

After the Chippendales, Linda and Angie went back to their rooms to change. Beth and I promised to wait for them, and then we made a mad drunken dash to the strip. Yes, the 2 of us, alone and drunk.. and I believe we hit on some homeless men. Is that bad? Doesn't it make everything ok if alcohol is involved to the extent it was?

That night, we were invited to a lovely non-American man's hotel room. He had a red eye. He wanted to dance for us. I am sure he was quite disappointed and disturbed when Beth and I were very friendly with him but laughed uncontrollably at the thought. THAT is how people wind up on CSI. No, we did not go back to red eye's room. We did, however, sit there, hundreds of people walking by, deciding what to do next.

Yeah, he likes boys


Sneaking out to the Strip


We went for a limo ride, all four of us. We saw the Vegas sign. I'm leaving it at that. Mainly because thinking about it is similar to the clouds we seemed to be breezing through on the plane... I was in a fog.

Miscellaneous Moments: (Because I have no damn idea which damn outfit I was wearing, what day it was, what time it was or what in the hell was going on. Period)...

1) The Shoes: I wore cute black shoes. They suck. I wore them all afternoon and evening. I got to the hotel room that night and couldn't get in. Damn key card. So I sat by our hotel room door, unable to move. I was talking to someone special again. Then my phone started beeping, telling me it was going to die. I could have slept right there on that ancient hotel carpet, outside of the room. But I didn't. Even in my drunken state, CSI still flashed through my mind. Damn pervs and predators. They ruin everything!

2) Porn: There are men and women standing all along the strip handing out hooker cards. The chicks are naked or near-naked and there is a price on each card. I wonder if the girls have a bar code? Hmmm... Anyway, we were all on a mission to find male hooker cards, until one of the girls decided to ask where they were, and the little man looked at us like we were insane. Apparently they don't make happy-hooker cards in the male version. Asses! How sexist! :P Admittedly I came home with an entire deck-size stack of horny-hooker female cards and gave them to my soon-to-be-ex-husband as his souvenir. He appreciated! :D
At Dick's Last Resort

3) The Girl in Yellow Lace: On a lovely drunken Vegas day, I spotted a tall girl walking down the strip wearing a beautiful yellow lacy dress. She was lovely. She was carrying a little bouquet, and looked to be absolutely blissful. I wanted to be her. Eloping in Vegas! How romantic! Especially when she was obviously so very much in love. I want that. When I marry again one day, I want to be that blissfully happy (and the eloping bit appeals to me greatly too!)...

4) The Sickness: I woke up the last day we were in Vegas with a cough and sore throat. I felt like shit, and was wishing I had taken Cream Puff up on her Airborne offer 3 days earlier. The airplane ride back... not so fun. I sat in between two old chatty women, one with horrid halitosis. I did, at one point, go to the restroom just to see what an airplane restroom looks like, and I admit to wondering how people join the mile-high club in such an impossibly small space. It would be hot I imagine! It takes me to that bathroom scene in Unfaithful... *fans self*

So, the trip was awesome. There is TONS I'm leaving out, but this entry would go on forever and ever and ever.

I hope to go back to Vegas one day. I want to ride the $14-a-ride rollercoaster. I want to see the dueling piano players again. Next time I think I'll skip a few of the free glasses of Martini and Rossi so I remember a bit more...Champagne Breakfast

This trip was the beginning of a new start for me. And it was a fabulous kick-off! I just wish I remembered it ;)

Poop on You

This has been a rather interesting weekend. I took Friday and today off to allow myself a much-needed short-little-teeny-tiny vacation. I realized I have been going full speed ahead since long before we moved into the new house. I haven't had much down time, and I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing, peaceful long weekend. I forgot something important in this cozy little plan...

I have kids.

The crazy train came right along, picked us up for a mini-holiday, and I've been riding the rails & bumps all damn weekend. It's one of those stay-cool-or-you'll-haul-off-and-hit-something-or-worse-yet-someone long weekends, where the kids are literally playing tug-of-war over a stupid little pirate eye patch, sticking out their evil little tootsies just to trip one another on purpose, and screaming at the top of their lungs because they want the pizza man to bring pizza... noooo, homemade pizza just won't do.

Another factor I didn't take into consideration before my spa-like lovely weekend was the fact that we were having a yard sale Friday & Saturday. For future reference, I plan to write myself a hate note scolding myself for having a yard sale two weeks after a big move, and threatening myself that if I ever do plan a yard sale again, I just may have a nervous breakdown, and the insane asylum will be quick to follow.

The pricing was the worst. I had no help, which I won't get into, and the pricing process took a total of 5+ hours, and I'm a damn fast pricer! I'd truly be an asset to the retail world, with my nervous energy and my fast-paced talky ways. Any chance those retailers ever had of me coming to work for them, they are long gone. The yard sale did me in.

We made decent money. We sold quite a bit, and have shit-loads of crapola still sitting in the garage. The rest will be donated. That makes me feel a little better about the psychosis behind having a sale in the yard/driveway. If you think about it, the whole idea is quite odd. I won't get into that now... displaying your crap for the whole neighborhood to see is a blog post in itself.

My friend Candise came to help me with the sale. The actual sitting and selling was quite fun. Our most interesting customer showed up in a huge blonde hair piece, an off the shoulder shirt with her bra straps hanging out proudly, a tiny little skirt and silver sequins shoes, which would have rivaled Dorothy's if they were red. Not only did she saunter around the sale looking quite delirious (she had obviously had work done... bad work), at one point she answered her cell phone and proceeded to say "there ain't no one prissier than me". It was awesome! I wanted to take her picture, get her autograph, interview this large woman with enough self-esteem to fill North America. But I didn't. I just stared at her with fascination. I'm sure she thought I was checking her out. After all, who could resist this hunka hotness?

Anyway, today was house-cleaning day. I slept in (thank you Joel!), and then woke up full of spunk and energy. I banished my lovely children and husband to the basement, as to not be disturbed (except for kids screaming at me from the basement and Rock Band playing at alarmingly high call-the-police volumes). I managed to clean the entire house (minus the basement of course) and get some laundry moved from the dirty mountain to the clean mountain.

The hardwood floors are decidedly very difficult to keep clean. I treated myself by buying a Swiffer Sweeper yesterday. Thank God for Swiffer! I already have the Wet Jet (although I can't find the pads right now), and believe it is one of the best inventions I've been introduced to! Brooming and dust-panning are not my thing. I think sweeping is a big stupid waste of valuable time. But the Sweeper is actually fun :) I zipped around the house today, and managed to sweep the entire upstairs before this little perfect piece of machinery finally died of exhaustion.

Among the other events which made up my weekend... I dropped my cell phone in the toilet. Mind you, I have been wanting a new cell phone desperately, but I would have never went to the extreme to dropping my old, ugly, stupid cell phone into poop water. Baby poop, water and cell phones do not mix, just so you don't make the same mistake. I was phoneless for 12 hours, and thought I could die from loneliness. Joel was out for the night, the kids eventually went to bed, and I was at a loss. Not even my computer could keep me occupied and happy. What if I had to call 911? Oh my God, I forgot to tell my mom something! Jeesh, I can't even text my texting buddy... what ever will I do?

Well yesterday, Joel and I meandered into Verizon, and I upgraded to a beautiful pink, shiny Blackberry Curve. I'm falling in love with it. There is no way I will ever learn all of the ins and outs, but the whole idea of having my email, facebook, messanger and countless other apps at my beckon call.... priceless!

Because the phones were buy-one-get-one-free, Joel wound up with a free Blackberry (though he opted out of the pink). He loves it just as much, although he wouldn't admit in the beginning that he wanted one. When the guy said "free" he perked up a bit. I'm afraid I will have to watch for him to make sure he isn't about to run into a pole while walking, or a dog while driving... he's rather lovey-dovey with his phone as well.

So, the crazy train weekend is quickly coming to a close. The twins start preschool Wednesday. I took the day off work, so I can take them, cry, pick them up, cry some more... and spend the rest of the day wallowing in self-pity. My babies are getting old.

I hope you had a nice weekend. I hope you didn't have a yard sale. I hope you shipped your kids off to Grandma's and I hope you were graced with the presence of a hot-shot hunka-burnin-love.

Until next time... just shoot me.

Kell ;)

Vegas Vixens...

Four of my friends & I leave for Las Vegas October 24th. That would be 51 days away. I once visited Vegas when I was a wee tot... as I believe I've mentioned before, my family took a wild and wooly drive out west and, while I'm sure it was a fantastic experience, I don't remember much of it. I don't remember Vegas at all. See previous vacation posts to read about my father trying to pick a cactus out of the ground in Arizona. Good read. Good times.

So anyway, as if having a new house isn't enough to be thoroughly excited about, I'm over the edge about Vegas! The nurses I'm going with made a paper chain like you see at Christmas-time... a countdown chain of sorts. We take turns ripping off different colored rings each day, and we all get a big kick out of the chain becoming shorter & shorter. There is a Vegas shrine involved too, but I won't go into that. :)

Thinking of the plane trip is extremely exciting for me! I haven't been on an airplane since I was 4 years old. I don't remember that either. Apparently I flew to Florida with my mom. I wish I could remember, because I'm sure I would have loved the experience!

So, between the plane ride, landing in Vegas (where I hear there are slot machines right at the airport), the lights, the Chippendales and the free beverages, I'm sure we will all feel like we're on top of the world! I love the girls I'm going with! One of them even offered to give me her free drinks! I think this could be the experience of a lifetime.




Joel is a bit jealous I believe. He would like to go to Vegas as well. Unfortunately for him, this is a girls only trip (except for the Chips and the hot Vegas men), but I have promised him that we can go back to Sin City next year for our anniversary. I think I can hold him over til then. Besides, he has a prior engagement each weekend in October that I'm sure he wouldn't want to miss just for **VEGAS**!

Three blissful nights away from screaming kids, Ohio weather, farmland and Ohio's best toothless wonders.

I can hardly wait to see the horny guys handing out flyers for prostitutes, and I do plan to have my picture taken with a homeless hunk and a cooterific call girl. I wonder if they'll charge me?

A Facebook "friend" told me she visited Vegas and she advised me that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me chick, compared to Marion, Ohio, just the THOUGHT of Vegas gives me that high on crack feeling (not that I'd know what that feels like)... the actual experience WILL be all it's cracked up to be! Cause we won't waste a minute.

For my man whore readers:

What happens in Vegas...

Come Into My Bedroom...

I love my bedroom. It is by far my very favorite room in the house. It's amazing how a box of a room can be transformed into a beautiful get-away.

Now, to the average rich bitch or the pimpin' mac daddy, my bedroom probably holds no fascination. For me, it's pure bliss. I have little treasures and trinkets... things I absolutely love & lust (see Denis Leary & Gavin DeGraw below). I'll explain in pictures... it's the easiest way! The pics are a bit grainy... they were taken with my cell phone... but I think they capture what I see when I walk into my little oasis. Enjoy!

Our bed is so comfortable, I just look at it and literally feel my eyes start to flutter, and a little bit of drool starts coming out of my mouth...
My mom introduced me to 600+ thread-count sheets a few years ago, and I'm now truly a sheet whore! I love them! I can't get enough! My birthday is December 1st... sheets please! I'll love you forever! ;)

As many of you know by now, or are about to find out, I am in absolute lust with Denis Leary. I can't help it. I look forward to Rescue Me like it's a drug, I have The Asshole Song on several of my mixed CDs, I have Denis on my desktop at work (HA! I wish... I mean my computer) and when his book Why We Suck came out last year, he was in my bed... a lot! :)
As I've mentioned before, his beautiful wife, Ann, was the author who encouraged me to start blogging. I read her blog, and fell in love with it. I still read it daily. I sent Ann an email praising her blog, and she quickly responded with nothing but encouraging words. When I do publish my book one day, Ann will be mentioned...
So, anyway, back to my bedroom... Ann Leary was sweet enough to have Denis send me an autographed picture earlier this year. I have it proudly displayed in my bedroom...
He is the cause of my one deadly sin... lust. ;)

Believe it or not, this is my wedding bouquet. I had a small bouquet at our wedding, and we had it freeze-dried and framed. It was pricey, but worth it. I think it's beautiful. And it has remained beautiful for over 10 years now. Good investment.
Th sconces hanging on each side are Home Interiors, which I purchased at a dirt-cheap yardsale for 50 cents each... I love them. I love all things dirty & cheap...

This doesn't appear to be a very interesting corner, but for me, it's my little library, among other things... You can't see the mirror above my night stand, but it's gorgeous... another yardsale find... as were the crazy flowers (they reminded me of me). I love my little book basket, or magazine rack, as most folks call them.
My Grandma Pat gave me the night table years ago. It's beautiful. I now also have the hutch that matches it, which will be a focal point in our new home. We don't have room for it at the current house. It sits in the garage, waiting patiently.
My Nicholas Sparks collection is in my little book basket, along with my lovely book "Book Lust" which is a journal for readers. Nicholas Sparks spends lots of time in my bed, too. I heart him.
I think my lamp is absolutely adorable. My scroll calendar was a Christmas present to myself last year. And my mom gave me a beautiful music box last year, which holds all of my hair thingies. :) Little hiding spaces make me happy!

Whenever someone goes on a vacation to the beach, I ask them to bring me back shells. I love shells. I love the beach. I truly don't want to have to ask anyone for anything... I'd much rather curl up in a ball and ride along in your suitcase to the beach itself.
I found some great shells in Atlantic City last November! Mom & Dad go to Myrtle Beach a lot, and they bring me back colorful shells from the gift shops. I'm not picky... but I do LOVE my starfish and my sand dollar.
As you can also see, I have a headless woman holding my necklaces. I thought it was rather strange at first, but headless chick has grown on me. I'm sure her head would be very pretty if she had one.
I can't take it anymore! I MUST talk about Gavin! The picture in the very pretty frame, is me holding on for dear life to Gavin DeGraw, and completely ignoring my husband.
Gavin is a sweetheart, and Joel is an even bigger sweetheart for putting up with my mad crushes. This picture was taken in August of 2008. I was then blonde. I now... am not. ;)

Here is a closer look at the picture of the picture of Gavin & I... and Joel. LOL
You can also see my stack of paperclips, which I tend to leave in my scrub pockets at work.
I always take them back! Jeez! Give me a freakin' break... and please keep this on the down-low :0) That's how rumors start people! Hehe...
The box below the picture & paperclip population is full of seashells from Atlantic City.
I wanna go back... right now...

I was once an Avon lady. The mirror and shadow boxes are from my Avon days. The vine going up my wall is from Uppercase Living. I absolutely love their stuff! I have a friend who sells it.
It's difficult to see in the pic, but my perfumes sit on a very pretty mirrored tray.
I really like oil warmers... I have several... and my candle, in all it's prettiness, has pink sand surrounding it. A beach with pink sand would be my dream location.. I don't even need a house... I'll just sleep on the pink sand & jump in the ocean when I start to stink... It would be lovely!

My jewelry chest is one of my most prized possessions. It's gorgeous, and I've had it for several years now. It's packed with jewelry (most of it isn't real, so no thievery please...)
The mirror is also awesome! It was an Odd Lots special years ago...
and my candles were a freebie from hosting a PartyLite party... they have the greatest incentives! I used to host a party once a year & get hundreds of dollars worth of smell-goods for next to nothing!

Last, but certainly not least, is my "Be Yourself -Everyone Else is Taken" embellishment from Uppercase Living. This is one of my favorite sayings.
I live by it. I love that it says it's okay to just be me...
Good rule to follow... cause I really can't change the facts.
Acceptance is the first step, right?

Okay, hope you enjoyed the tour...

I'm going to my room.

Nailing, Screwing & Glass Licking...

I can never find a hammer. Our laundry room is full of pictures & doo-dads I wanna hang up. I procrastinate, not only because I think it's incredibly frustrating to hang a picture & it quickly becomes crooked, but also because of the fact that the hammer is never anywhere to be found.

Losing things happens a lot around here. I can never find my glasses. I can't tell you how many times I've vowed to put them in the same spot... it just doesn't happen. It's a bit ironic, really... blind girl looking for glasses which make her not quite so blind.

Feeling for them is more like it. It's really too bad glasses don't have a scent. I suppose scratch n' sniff glasses would be pointless, since one would have to find them to scratch them to sniff them. Hmm... that covers three of the senses. I guess taste is out. Licking around for anything just doesn't sound fun unless you are under the influence or in hot, steamy mode... though I have known some to enjoy a good glass licking (see above photo).

I won't even mention hearing... that would just be weird... talking glasses. Actually, it could be fun... after pondering... imagine your glasses yelling "YOU SUCK" or "Lick Me Baby" at a particular time each morning. Alarm clock glasses. Man, I could totally patent this stuff!

Back to the hammering now, cause I like that subject... the children know that I'm always hammer-less. I know right where the screws & nails are. I don't screw as much as I nail.. I prefer nailing for sure.

Aiden, bless his little heart, has offered me his plastic hammer from his tool kit on occasion. Last time he offered, I thought "why not?" ... it worked. It mis-shaped the plastic a little, but it did do the job. I've also been known to use random household items to nail something.. a can of peaches (no puncture wounds to report), the 'other end' of a screwdriver (why is it that the driver is always nearby?) and a baby doll head (no rude comments please... the plastic was VERY hard and the doll's head remained intact).

Other items I lose consistently include, but are not limited to:

-My cell phone

-My keys

-Brain cells

-Money

-As of late, my ass, thankfully :)

-Shoes (seriously, who loses shoes?)

-My kids (KIDDING!)

-Respect (for comments made, such as the one above) ;)

I'm going to set a goal to spend less time looking for things. Rather than having to trouble myself with putting things in their own little place, if I lose my glasses, I'll just go blind and pray I don't hit anyone or sign my life away. If I continue to lose the hammer, I'll just start screwing instead. If my keys are missing, I'll just steal the neighbor's motorcycle. If I lose my shoes, I'll wear my Betty Boop slippers and if I lose those, I'll stop at the nail salon... barefoot... and ask if I can get a pair of those pretty disposable pedicure thongs. If I lose my kids, I'll be thankful for a little vacation. If I lose my phone, you can't bother me. If I continue to lose brain cells, right on! ... I'll be even more closed off from the dark realities of this world... and if I lose respect, that's okay, cause I won't have the brain power to comprehend any of it.

To all of you fellow losers out there, let's drink to that! I'm buyin' a round of test tube 'skittles' shots all around...

And I wonder where my money goes...

It's Amazing How Something Flat Can Make Life So Bumpy

Do you realize how difficult it is to keep a straight-face in a professional meeting when you know that, sitting out in the parking lot, your car looks like this? That the main event of the work day is people asking what the hell happened to your car? It's quite hard.

I started my day yesterday on quite a bright note. After working my 7 hours and 15 minutes, or whatever we're cut back to right now, I was outta there for 9 full blissfully work-free days! Even through the torrential downpour, I smiled on my way to work, thinking of how clean my house would magically become over the next week and two days. I daydreamed of sitting in a blow-up boat on the lake, sipping something fruity through one of those itty bitty stirrer straws, and being in the front-row at the Gavin DeGraw concert, he'd wink at me, then pull me up on-stage with him to sing a beautiful duet.

I daydream like this a lot... especially in the car... if people look in my window while driving down the highway, they probably wonder if I just got laid. I'm quite smiley anyway, but in the car, it seems that my imagination takes over. I'm either at the beach, in bed with Denis Leary or sitting in my beautiful mansion, telling Esther to get my sleeping mask & my flask.

Well, my daydream was rudely interrupted yesterday morning when I realized I had a 'flat' tire... or something like that...

Almost to my exit ramp, I felt a thump... thumpity thump... then I realized I was driving 5mph... the car wouldn't let me drive any faster, and at this point it was no longer thumpity thump... it was bing bang bitch BOW! I truly didn't even freak out. Sure, it pissed me off that I had a flat, but I handled it very well.

I pulled off to the side of the exit ramp and called my husband. He calmly told me that since I was so close to work, I may as well drive it the rest of the way there. HA!

So I did.... bing bang bitch BOWing all the way! I drove 5mph, and what would normally take me 3-4 minutes to get to work from this point, I made it in no less than ten :)

I knew something wasn't right when I looked out the passenger side window while driving around a curve, and noticed that rubber was flapping in the wind... all the way up by the windshield. I was laughing so hysterically, I had tears in my eyes. I kept driving... the BOW became Clunkity BOW BOW Clunkity BOW BOW! I wondered if I'd make it into the parking lot. I did. YAY!

So I parked way out... where hopefully no one would notice. HA! Pretty soon, I'm sitting at my desk, trying to get organized for my last day of work, and I get a picture message from a coworker on my cell, asking me what the hell happened to my car. Along with it was a picture of my tire. I later found out that, due to previous experience, staff assumed that I was unaware of the jacked-up tire. See, I normally listen to my music so loudly in the car, while daydreaming, they must have concluded that I did not hear the thumpity thump clunkity BOW BOW clunkity BOW BOW over my thoughts & music.

The car is still sitting where it was sitting yesterday... there in the parking lot... it's amazing how many people noticed it... and scolded me for driving to work on a blown-up tire. My husband told me to people! Blame him! :)

So... as you can tell by the photo, there is now a lot more wrong with this car than a flat. I don't think we'll be patching that tire. I'm not even sure we can attach a new tire to the old hole it's supposed to fit firmly into. What I do know is, I don't really give a shit.... I'm on vacation baby!

Take Me There...

Summer Vacation. The phrase sounds just like a little piece of heaven! My family & I went on vacations each summer when I was a little girl. I've been to many of the states in the US. I remember bits & pieces, but wish I remembered more... Here are some of my accounts from past vacations, which I have touched on in recent posts.


One of my more vivid vacation experiences is when my family went out west when I was around 7 years old. We took a 3-week trip and saw several states. I can clearly remember my dad, while pulling a travel trailer, driving on excruciatingly scary curvy roads. The 'curves' were much more like sharp turns, and most of the time, there were no guard rails to be seen.



I remember Dad having to honk the horn while going around these 'curves' and the horns still honking in my head long after we stopped driving.



I have 2 very clear memories from this trip... the first being absolutely amazing, in my opinion...



We were going around one of those sharp turn-curves I mentioned, and when we looked down, hundreds of feet, there were old cars piled at the bottom of this huge drop. I could not believe it! This was in Arizona. I believe there should be a name for this spot, and it should definitely be a tourist attraction to promote better driving. Those people that sped over the huge cliff learned their lesson... but they learned it a bit too late to change their ways. I like to think that the people survived, but there was no possible way of pulling the cars out of the pile-up hundreds of feet down. This was educational for me, and I still think about it. It was awful and amazing at the same time.



The second memory I enjoy recalling also took place in Arizona and has to do with my father, who can be extremely funny and impulsive! My brother wanted a cactus. He wanted a cactus really bad. My dad finally got so tired of hearing about the cactus, he pulled over on the side of the road in Arizona, walked right out to a small cactus and tried to rip it out of the ground. Dad's hands were covered in spines and I knew, although he had very rough and tough hands from years of work, he had hurt himself. It was an experience... I promise you that! And I still bring it up to my dad! Impulse cacti-picking is not for the weak or faint of heart. :0) We did not come home with a cactus. My poor brother. My poor dad's hands.



Now, I would like to share with you a wonderful memory from a summer vacation with my family when I was in the 4th grade. Our family went to Hocking Hills to camp in Ohio (a couple of hours from home). There were many activities going on at the shelter house, and when we camped, I tended to get involved in the activities taking place, and liked to make lots of friends (and boyfriends)...



I heard through the campground grapevine that there was going to be a singing contest! My love for singing pushed me to enter. I sang "Somewhere out There" from The American Tale. I won! I remember being so excited! My prize consisted of riding on a golf cart to the campground store, and picking out any t-shirt of my choice, on the house! I chose a pink Garfield shirt. I wore it to bed for YEARS! I'm sure it still resides in my parents' attic. I may even see it again one day! I remember Garfield was half gone last time I saw it, from repeated wash & wear. I was extremely proud of that t-shirt!



The following story is my first real vacation memory with my husband... and I still ache to go back:

Last November, my husband and I went to Atlantic City, New Jersey for our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was amazing! We budgeted and planned, and it was 4 days and 3 nights of bliss! Although it hovered between 50 & 60 degrees while we were there, and the sun didn't come out until the last day we were there, it was magical!



Joel, my husband, is very laid back... so laid back that I often get discouraged, because he is perfectly content to sit at home and stick to the routine of life. I am not this way. I like to experience things! To be impulsive (thanks Dad!) and try new, fun things! Vacations have always been on the top of my list of things to do, but Joel has always been nonchalant about vacationing, so I have pretty much let it sit on the back burner, just keeping it warm enough to know that one day I'd fire it up, and we'd finally escape Ohio!



When we started planning our trip, I was so extrmely excited! Joel didn't seem so excited. He had never seen the ocean. That shocked me! I couldn't wait to show it to him, and although he was not doing cartwheels at the thought of seeing a hugely beautiful body of water, I knew he'd be impressed once we got there.



I was right. Joel loved the vacation experience just as much as I did. I remember one night we had returned to our hotel room after walking on the boardwalk, having a homeless man yell at us (and others) to "GO DIE", eating pizza on the beach and checking out the strip of casinos. Once we got back to our room, I washed my face, got ready for bed and settled in. Joel looked at me and said, "you wanna go down to the casino?" I was in heaven! Such a shock for me! Joel was finally doing something on a whim! Atlantic City was bringing out the best in my husband. I liked it! I loved it!



We did a lot of things the 4 days we were there. I was so happy. I missed the kids, but knowing they were safe, I was able to truly enjoy myself and relax... and so was Joel. I can't wait to go back... whether it be Atlantic City or another city... I am looking forward to a WARM trip to the beach!



My dream vacation is to rent a house right on the beach... to watch the kids playing in the sand, building sandcastles and screaming with joy! My husband will write "Joel Loves Kelly" in the sand big enough for passing airplanes to see. I will sit on the beach with my collection of books, my notebook for future blogs, my babies surrounding me and my husband staring out at the ocean, that he once didn't care about, in awe... I want to start making our own vacation memories... ones the kids can laugh about and blog about one day...

I hope to be there soon...

Pure Profoundness

Okay, so believe it or not, this entry is going to be completely genuine and possibly profound. It's a reminiscence. When I find myself in one of these moods, I roll with it... not only because I enjoy the nostalgia, but also because it makes for fabulous writing!

As you can see by my last blog entry, last time I checked in I was NOT feeling nostalgic, nor serious. That was over a week ago. The blog feeling has just not been with me. Call it's bloggers block or typers thwart. Whatever it is, it sucks. I literally sat down at my computer every single night to type to all of my (4) loyal fans, only to find I had nothing intriguing to blog about. I tried. I truly did. I looked to other blogs for inspiration. I checked my other online outlets often, but no revelations came to me. Until today...

I recently ordered a book from Amazon, entitled More List Yourself. I remember having the original book a few years ago, and not writing in it, after deciding that it required way too much thought. Back then, I fought every single feeling I had, and refused to entertain any idea of improving myself from the inside, afraid that I might accidentally find a repressed feeling that I may not be able to deal with.

Today I embrace these feelings. If I remember something hurtful I FIND a way to deal with it. I have been very blessed, and have come to realize that I am not beyond asking for help.

Some forms of assistance I may require on any given day:

-Friends

-Texting

-Family

-Prayer

-Sleep (10-12 hours please)

-Alcohol

-Anti-depressents

-Anti-psychotics

-Anti-anxiety medications

-A cocktail of the above listed ingredients

-A good book

-A vacation

-Sex

-Dr. Christian Troy, the remote & my bed

-A good workout

-Again... a cocktail of the above mentioned items & man

-A bubble bath

-A hot shower

-A mani/pedi

-A dozen pillows, my bed & a stack of good magazines

-Catalogs & endless money

-Panera

-Vente Mocha

-A love letter

-Music

-Cool, crisp air

-Hot, steamy sex dreams

Add your own to create your own happy list. Just making the stupid list will enlighten you, and listening to Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' with your kids. Pure bliss!

See, I told you it would be profound!