Twists & Turns, Moo-Cow Roads & Positivity

I went to a conference today. My friend & I managed to talk so much, we got lost on the way there, as well as on the way home. We had fun. Spoiling-wise, it came nowhere close to my last conference (see earlier blog post about my wonderful annual activity conference experience... already looking forward to next year). The seats were not of the swivel variety this time, and had no smoosh to them whatsoever. There were no decadent coffees to choose from... in fact, I didn't see any coffee at all. There was no dining room set up with cloth napkins, sparkling water glasses and a choice of 3-4 buffet tables (although the boxed Arby's lunch was rather good)... but the company was fantastic! I was a bit disturbed that the tables were so low, there was absolutely no way to cross my 5'10" legs... add a head & torso... you do the math. I always sucked at math.

I have always had a great fear of getting lost. If I had been alone today, driving through small towns I had only heard of (the conference was an estimated 2 hours away... hahahaha!), I would have had a complete nervous breakdown. This is no exaggeration... I would have freaked the hell out! You see, I am blind... of the legal variety... if you do not know me, you most-likely have no idea that I have a daylight-restricted license (due to vision problems, not legal problems). If I ever must drive to a town I've never been to, I either beg for a ride, or my husband... my wonderful husband... will take me for a 'run-through' the day before. The summers are fantastic! I can stay out until 9pm on the longest day of the year! Winters-not so much fun... curfew is at 5pm at best!

I'll share more about my visual impairment at a later time. It's really not important here... except to tell you that I do believe this is why I have such a fear of getting lost.

I remember odd things from my childhood. I remember a lot of funny, goofy times... but I also remember the times I got lost. I remember being at Sioux St Marie one year, staying in a cabin with my mom and dad, sister and brother. My brother was out fishing and a storm rolled in. I remember worrying about him, and running out to find him. When I looked back at the cabins, I realized they all looked alike! I had no idea which one was ours. My heart began to beat rapidly, and I had visions of being lost forever... on the beach... without my family. Then I heard my mom calling me. I couldn't see her, but I could hear her. Somehow I made it back to the cabin, as did my brother... it was a scary experience for me, but it also taught me to stay close to those who loved me.

During our 'lost' time today, I thought about the curvy moo-cow roads we were on, and how the twists and turns are just like life. My friend & I talked about how the swine flu began, and how it is becoming increasingly scary, not only for Mexico and the US, but now for many, many countries. We talked about our healthcare system, and the changes that are coming... we had wonderful conversation, and it swayed me to focus on our chitchat, and not the hills and curves that would normally scare me.

I was enlightened today. I think it's very easy to be afraid right now. There are so many variables... so many changes... I have not watched the news for years now, because of the depressive factor. I think the events and issues causing global panic, and citizens being scared out of their minds is largely caused by our peers. It was refreshing today to be with a friend with a positive perspective. I am not at all saying my circle of friends is negative... we tend to laugh off what we can't change, and I find that incredibly refreshing, too! It was just nice to have these circumstances explained to me in a way I understood... and in a way that did not make me grip my seat in panic!

I think it's extremely important to surround ourselves with positive people right now. Some negativity is a given... it's always going to be there. But as a whole, if we focus on our positive relationships, and the people who truly care for us, our happiness and the fact that we don't want to be scared shitless, the world, or at least a few of us in it, will be more positive and able to help others.

Humor is great. Realism not so much. But if we see our situations and our lives a little differently, I think we could make our part of the world just a little bit better.

Swine? What Swine? It's All About the Flamingos!

Warning: Once again, must warn you... if you are not clinically insane, or close, you should stop reading now. This message will cut down on the amount of hate mail I receive. Thank you for your time... and read on if you're one of the fun ones, like me!
About the Central Ohio Flamingo Flu: DO NOT FREAK OUT PEOPLE! Media coverage will make this a water cooler discussion leading to heart attacks and anorexia. Don't get sucked into these antics. This is a serious case, but nothing Bob the Builder and some stick-poking admission charges won't cure:

There are so many bugs floating around out there... the Plague (hey, we'll all be plagued with something eventually, right?) and now the panic-causing swine flu. It is quite scary if you hang out with people who sleep in barns with their piglet friends, or have a swine fetish. I personally am not a huge fan of pork. I do enjoy bacon on occasion. Whether on the plate, or waddling around in a field, pigs are not my friends. I feel for them with this flu... no one is thinking of the pigs' feelings and the need for pig hospitalization. It's all about the humans! Just leave the pigs out of it, why don't ya? They invented it! Give em some credit.

So, tonight I was very distraught watching our local Central Ohio news station. We are now being overtaken by the incredulous FLAMINGO FLU! That's right! When coming in contact with a Central Ohio Flamingo, you will immediately notice symptoms unlike any other. It is a horrible disease, one that we should slap the flamingos right off their foot for.

Those affected by Central Ohio Flamingo Flu have contracted this disease by having hot, steamy make out sessions with pink flamingos, and by nestling with the birds on swan lake. These voluntary acts are not advised. On the other hand, if you wish to contract Flamingo Flu, consider the two items above your instruction manual.

Symptoms of Central Ohio Flamingo Flu Include:

-Involuntarily standing with one leg in the flamingo position

-Instant craving for crustaceans

-A curvature of the neck which cannot be treated, even by the most holistic chiropractor

-A light pink tint to the skin, eventually becoming a fabulous shade of hot pink!

-Involuntarily singing Coca Cabanna at the top of your lungs, out of tune, whether you have musical ability or not

Precautions:

-Be prepared to enjoy friends and family showering you with affection, hoping to add some color to their winter white skin.

-You may never switch legs. You are in a statuesque position now.

-Your leg will constantly feel as if it is on pins and needles, and once people notice this, they will be swatting at it with sticks and switches. Pretty soon people will be paying admission to see the Pink Flamingo Flu People.

-All proceeds will go directly toward Flamingo Flu research, and my children's college tuition.

Treatment:

-There is no treatment or cure for Central Ohio Flamingo Flu. You may drink large amounts of hard liquor to mask symptoms.

There is Hope!

-If the money raised does help us to find a cure, we will put you on a mailing list. You will likely receive a response within 365 days of the cure.

Contact Information:

If you have any further questions, please contact The Central Ohio Advocates for Flamingo Flu Research. Check your local listings.

The Sweetest Blessings

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When I sit down to type a new blog entry, I often go with the feeling I am having at the moment. Yesterday's entry about the 80s and 90s was so much fun for me... and I have to admit, I'm extremely amused with the feedback I have received following that post! I love that there are so many people out there with crazy personalities, or lots of folks who at least appreciate the maniacs out there! We appreciate your appreciation! :0)

Tonight I find myself feeling extremely blessed. While my three young children are tucked into their beds, sleeping soundly without a care in the world, I sit here thinking about how incredibly fortunate we are to have 3 healthy, happy, very lively children.

When I pick up the newspaper and read an obituary for a child, I immediately get choked up. I can't stand to think of little ones hurting in any way... and the realization that children truly are hurting is overwhelmingly sad. I often have the urge to turn off TV shows if they pertain to children being abused, young ones with illness, babies dying, etc. But then I realize how these stories move me to hold my children tighter, tell them I love them even more, offer hugs and kisses when they're in the mood to snuggle, and play with them when they ask. Oh, how I would regret it if I ignored a request to spend time together, and later learned that it had been my last opportunity.

My heart goes out to parents and other family members and friends who have a terminally ill child, who have to worry every day whether their little one will need to go to the emergency room or worse. It breaks my heart. I want to protect both the child and the family from their hurt and heartache, and I know that isn't possible. While miracles do happen, small blessings do pass and leave behind those who love them. It is heart-wrenching for me to think about.

Grey's Anatomy inspired this post tonight. The little girl with terminal illness who drifted off to sleep forever in her daddy's arms brought instant tears to my eyes, and an instant throb to my heart. I cannot even imagine going through something so horrible. I cannot imagine letting one of my babies go... I just can't fathom it.

This episode of Grey's has reminded me to literally count my blessings, hold them close and to never, ever let myself forget how incredibly special they really are. For the smallest blessings leave the biggest impressions on our hearts.

Talking Myself Through It...

I'm avoiding bed. When I go to bed, I know that in the blink of an eye I'll be awake... then off to the center... to have my surgery. I'm so extremely tired tonight, but I just can't make myself go in there... the bedroom... it's normally one of my very favorite places. Not tonight.

I often live my life in quotes. I think of uplifting sentiments constantly throughout my day. It helps. It's similar to positive affirmations with one whopping difference... I don't have to talk to myself in a mirror. That's just strange. Strange for me. If you enjoy talking to yourself in front of yourself, by all means, do your thing... say hi for me!

Anyway, I strayed from the topic a bit there... where was I? Mirrors... affirmations... quotes... oh yeah... avoiding sleep!

So my surgery tomorrow is outpatient. It's supposed to be a 30-minute procedure. I have had 3 surgeries in my lifetime. I have had 2 cesereans, which produced 3 beautiful babies, and I have had my wisdom teeth extracted... one caused pain... wait... they all caused pain... but the cesereans brought me beautiful blessings! The extractions just left me with big holes in my mouth.

The operation I'm having is common. It could be a quick in and out thing, or it could rock my world. I won't know tomorrow. It will take a bit to find out I'm sure. Results like that rarely come back quickly. They prefer for you to sit and stew and brew and turn blue. Then, normally, in my experience, after not hearing from the doctor's office on the day they tell you to expect to hear from them, you sit and stew and brew, and even begin to turn shades of purplish blue, until you finally break down and call them, and they nonchalantly say, "oh yeah... everything was fine. We received your report two days ago."

I am praying for that nonchalant phone call, which at the time will piss me off, but in foresight, I know I will be breathing an exaggerated sigh of relief, while bitching to my friends about the incompetence of the would've been caller.

I have had some issues which have led up to this itty bitty operation. The wonderful news is that the pain I've been having should go away. The bad news is, it's a short-term fix for a long-term problem. We'll probably have to make a decision in a year or two, but right now I'm perfectly fine with just a patch up! It allows me to hang out for a while longer in my state of denial (or my personal lala land, as I enjoy calling it).

In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is not a big deal. It has been a big deal to me, because it's there... going on within my body. It's a strange feeling knowing I'm 'off'... I mean, I have always known I'm 'off', but more mentally so... at least that's what my buds tell me. My physical self has always been pretty much okay... great blood pressure, low cholesterol... nothing to report... well, some poundage to lose, but... I'm straying again...

After typing this, I realize that the goods of this situation outweigh the bads. Whether I avoid bed or not, I still have to be at that center at 7:15am. I might as well go in there well-rested.

Sleep tight!

Weighty

So I've been watching what I eat. I haven't been exercising lately, due to not feeling well. In all honesty, for about a week I didn't have an appetite, which greatly boosted my weight loss efforts. I lost 6lbs that week. Unfortunately my appetite is back in full swing, and I'm finding it much more difficult to 'watch what I eat' now that I'm focused on it. I've lost 16lbs total, and I don't care to share how long I've been attempting to shave off that very small tip of my incredibly overwhelming iceberg.

Back in 2001 I lost a little over 72lbs on Weight Watchers. I greatly enjoyed the process, and managed to break out of my comfort zone to become a Weight Watchers leader after losing my weight. Leading the meetings, I believe, is when I truly began to get to know myself. I had always been a bit of a funny hermit. I enjoyed going out with friends, and often made them laugh, but I also found great joy in avoiding life, not answering the telephone and living in my awkward state of confusion.

After losing my weight, and leading the WW meetings for about 2 years, my focus changed, and Joel & I began trying for a baby. I remember I was working down in Columbus at the Weight Watchers corporate office one day when one of the seasoned, very prominant leaders and motivational speakers called me into the conference room and asked me what was going on with my weight. I stared at her in disbelief. Sure, I had gained a few of my pounds back, but I was nowhere near my start weight, and I still looked damn good. She had no idea that, behind the scenes, Joel & I were having fertility problems, and I was a nervous wreck, peeing on sticks constantly, only to be disappointed month after month. Her words stung, and obviously, six years later, I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday. I sat there patiently, and then told her we were trying to get pregnant with no success. She didn't get it. It was all about how you looked in front of the group. How motivational could I be if I had gained 5 or 10lbs?! How obvious that would be to my loyal members. I was quite certain they wouldn't quit attending their weekly meeting, full of friends and encouragement, to find a leader that was a bit thinner than me. Looking back, it is quite amusing. Back then, it was not.

Many months, positions and legs in the air later, we found out we were finally having a baby. I was still working down at the corporate office, and leading a few meetings a week. Although you are not supposed to follow the program while pregnant, I continued to lead the meetings. My members still didn't quit. I guess my huge, beautiful pregnant belly was not a motivation killer for them. I was so extremely sick I actually didn't gain much weight throughout my pregnancy. I threw up the entire 9 months. I blamed it on the fact that I was actually pregnant with twins, but after having another sickly pregnancy 2 years later (a singleton this time), I realized I'm just not very good at being pregnant! I now realize that is why God blessed me with 2 at once. He didn't want me to have to go through that over and over again.

I quit working at the Weight Watchers corporate office shortly after I became pregnant the first time. I can only imagine the comments I would have received regarding my weight from my 'motivational' friend at almost full-term, with nearly 13lbs of baby in my belly!

After I gave birth to the twins, I lost a lot of weight. Then, more quickly than I could have ever imagined in a million years, it came right back! I have been struggling with this ever since.

When I started Weight Watchers again a couple of months ago, I felt that same motivation. Although my circumstances are much different now (3 kiddos four and under, a full-time, often stressful job and making our marriage a priority while working different shifts), I knew I was ready to get back to it, and look at my weight loss journey as a more positive experience this time. No one would be hounding me (except me) and I would take it in stride. I even started another blog, dedicated to my journey. I soon realized that keeping up with one blog was quite enough. After all, I am the girl who buys beautiful journals, writes in them for a week, and then every few months, only to give up and buy a new journal, promising to get to bed earlier each night so I just might have the energy to reflect on my day, and jot down a wonderful story, which would later become a bestseller!

My motivation comes and goes now. I have a great urge to find the thin body within my fatter body again. I remember looking so good, and still feeling fat. I won't make that mistake again. Just this week, a resident at work asked me if I was losing weight (at high volume in front of several others). I answered honestly, and said 'yes I am' proudly, rather than making some snide remark like I would have my first time around. He then went on to tell me that his sister had also noticed. WOW! What a compliment! A good friend I work with also asked me, in that same week, if I had lost weight. I've decided to soak in the compliments and let my chest fill up with pride this time! Why not? I have heard enough put-downs and jerk-face remarks for a lifetime! Plus, the puffier my chest gets, the less you will notice my iceberg belly!

Although it may take me a long, long time to lose what I wish to lose, I know, through this experience, I will gain a better perspective and learn (even more) to be thankful for my amped-up view of life and living.

I posted a new picture above my original 'Red' picture on here, because I see a bit of a change in my face. I am seeing a shape form... a nice shape... replacing that beach ball shape. How fabulous! Please know this is my face I'm referring to... my body will take a bit to catch up!

I know, I know... it's only 16lbs (I refuse to round down to 15). I would like to lose a much larger amount, and need to, as I long to fit into some of my most beautiful, Kelly-ish clothing again. I'm just taking it a day at a time... no promises to blog on this tomorrow.... or ever again... but tonight it's on my mind, so I'm putting it out there! Sooner or later, I'll have much less to 'put out there'. You just wait & see!

Later on...