Prove It Kell!

I don't like it when someone tells me I can't do something. I really don't like to be questioned, and when I am questioned, I tend to question right back. You know what's funny about this whole issue with people telling me I can't do something? I'm the guiltiest of them all!

I normally have a very optimistic attitude. I see the good in people. It surprises me sometimes how quick people are to put others down. Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy gossip. I do. I especially enjoy the gossip which I am not a part of. I just don't like to flame people... well, there are a select few... but I do believe in respecting others.... now onto myself...

I was talking to my husband tonight about my book. We were talking about how authors have deadlines. I have read celebrity blogs stating that they have to have their book written by blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The difference between them and I? They can write ANYTHING! I mean ANYTHING and have it instantly published. I have no one telling me I need to have it done by a particular date, nor do I know if my work of (what I call) art will even be published. I could assign a completion date myself, but instead, guess what I'm telling myself? You betcha! "You can't do that Kell... you have way too much going on"... bad self-talk I tell ya... positive affirmations gone... right out the window!

I find it much easier to sit down to my blog each evening. It's partially the instant gratification... and partially the fellowship. Of course I always feel prouder than proud after certain posts, and a little unsure after others. I'll feel unsure tonight. Give me some IG (instant gratification), K? ;)

I am quite sick and tired of holding myself back. I procrastinate. While I'm known at work and at home for being giddy, silly and fun, I am not known for my close attention to details and deadlines. I'll work on this. I'll work on my book. I do believe I need to purchase a chalk board and write that 1,000 times. Of course, that would just give me one more excuse not to sit down with my book... more procrastination.

This is going to take a lot of effort on my part... I mean A LOT! I need to believe in myself... believe that I can make this happen, and quit telling myself that I can't. I can! Now I'll prove it!

Scooters and Selfishness

Read ahead for the okay to be a selfish person...

Well, Joel has the kids outside. They have been anxiously awaiting scooter-time all day! Grammy & Papa got them the cutest scooters for Easter. Logan's is a Radio Flyer, Aiden's is Spiderman & Abbi's is Disney Princesses... imagine that!

I love this, because I can watch them out the window, and see their happiness from a distance, but I'm also free to indulge in some Kelly time! It's priceless.

I was talking to someone the other day (they shall remain nameless), and this person mentioned how women can be so self-centered... spoiling themselves with extracurriculars, such as pedicures, nights out with the girls, massages, shopping after work, etc. I kept sitting there thinking, 'that is how I keep myself sane'... but I didn't say it. I just said that we all need some pampering time... some time for us.

The economy being the way it is has put a halt to some of those extracurriculars, but I still think it is so important for we, as women, to find time for ourselves, and to truly enjoy it. I'm not saying that the time we spend with our kids is not truly enjoyable... it is... but the small things we do for ourselves are the primary reasons we have happiness to share... with our kids, our spouses, our friends, etc.

Here is a list of some of the things I do for myself. Selfish or not, I truly believe they make me a more enjoyable person to be around!

1) I have my nails done every 3-4 weeks and my toes done on occasion.

2) I read... a lot. I love to read in bed with a mound of pillows and big, fluffy blankets!

3) I listen to music... a lot! I burn CD's and have music for any kind of mood. Music is one of my outlets.

4) I write. Since starting my book, and my blog, I find it to be amazingly therapeutic and fun! And the fact that people are actually interested enough to read it is a major ego boost! (so don't stop reading, k?) :)

5) I collect Betty Boop and Hello Kitty goodies. Thanks to my friend Anne, my entire desk area at work is decorated with a Betty Boop theme. It makes me happy to walk in to the activity room each day I have to work!

6) I sing. I have a karaoke page on MySpace and it is the primary reason I leave my account open. I absolutely love to sing!

7) I Facebook. It's a great way to keep in contact (or to get back into contact) with friends from school. It's also a fabulous gossip chain, whether subscribers like to admit it or not. :)

8) I enjoy a girls' night out every now & again. Drinks are optional, because we normally act & feel drunk whether we actually are or not.

9) I go on dates with my husband. Just because you get married, you don't have to stop dating ladies!

10) I take a bath when I'm extremely stressed out. A book... candles... the ultimate luxury.

I don't feel guilty (unless money is tight) and I enjoy all of these things so much, I have no desire to give them up. It may make me a little selfish, but I think we should all give ourselves the go-ahead to indulge a bit, and to let ourselves be a little self-centered now and then. Being selfless is a wonderful trait, but what's wrong with being selfless and selfish? Nothing!

Happily Foul Mouthed

Well, I just found out my blog is rated NC-17.

That means no children under 17 should be reading it. It made me feel a little guilty at first, because I have been known to say piss and ass right here on my apparently very adult page. I decided to let go of the guilt though... the book I'm writing also has a couple of swear words... okay, a handful...

I guess I just enjoy ruffling some feathers, and throwing in a 'bad' word every once in a while... one of the reasons older people do not watch TV anymore or read blogs or magazines... just too much swearing! Bad, bad people! I suppose I should be blocked on the computers of children 17 and under... although I do know that 17-year olds these days are more like 30-year olds. Not much is sacred anymore... I suppose I'm just following in the path of the other joyfully foul-mouthed people out there. I don't like to be a follower, but in this case, throw the book at me... I'm guilty!

The good news is that I'm not rated X, or even R (although I believe NC-17 is considered to be worse than R... hmmm). I think the Xiest thing I've ever written about is hot, steamy sex with Dr. Christian Troy, but dreams don't count... especially with extremely good-looking famous people!

I just figure my blog is to put my thoughts and feelings out there, and if I ever really get back to it, to promote my book... or the 5 chapters I have written at least. Sometimes I curse in my head, so it just comes out. I'm sorry if that offends anyone... okay, I'm not THAT sorry.

Later... :0)

To Serve & Protect

We have had some delicate situations happening simultaneously lately. It has caused me to put my book on the back burner, not only because I have had to deal with these personal concerns (although those seem to be pushed aside as well), but also because the book brings up emotions I sometimes find difficult to feel back to back. Chapters go much more quickly than life.

It's interesting writing. If you have an emotional connection with the topic you are writing about, or the characters, you automatically feel their sorrow, happiness, nostalgia, etc. When you have emotional events going on in your personal life, writing can either take your mind off the personal gloom, or it can put a damper on your private joys.

My husband is currently sitting in a meeting with his coworkers and the sheriff, finding out the fate of his employment. He has been a loyal, non-discriminatory, stand-up deputy sheriff for nearly five years now. The rumor is that the office will be laying off 15 employees. Eight cuts have already been made. Joel is the fourth deputy from the bottom of the hiring list. He does not have much seniority. He just sent me a text, telling me that the meeting is not even close to being adjourned. Those poor men and women have been in that room for four hours now. Like Joel, many of the deputies have families, homes, car payments and many other expenses, and like Joel, they thought, until two days ago, that their positions as DEPUTIES were safe and secure.

I was stunned when Joel first told me. I am still stunned. Hopefully tonight we will have some answers. The waiting is the worst part. Every time I have heard about a company laying their workers off, I have pictured our family in that position, and have felt so terrible for those workers. I never truly understood the severity of their situation until now. Now I get it. Now I understand why people go to extremes. We are not the type, but I understand.

Whatever Joel finds out, I am going to be there for him. We will get through this. My pay will not support our family. Thankfully my dad owns his own business and Joel can help him out. How long will the layoffs be? Maybe we'll have some clearer picture at some point. I do know that if Joel is laid off, they have to give us two-weeks prior notice. I also know that we will have some trying times ahead.

My book is going to find it's way right back up the "Thing To Do" list. I'm sure many great writers have trials and tribulations, and still manage to find time and courage to write. I just need to be stronger... for my family and me.

Update: Because of my husband's awesome coworkers (don't read previous post about them being cheaters, etc.), Joel and the other deputies will be KEEPING their jobs. Joel is STILL in the meeting five hours later, and will probably be there until his shift begins at 11pm, but he is satisfied. Pay cuts will be happening, but because of the wonderful commodore, the deputies all agreed to forego their raises this year in order for everyone to keep their jobs. Now THAT'S a team!God Bless You All!

Some Cop Humor: A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"