Quickies in a Dream State...

Sunday nights are bittersweet. I'm sitting here, deciding whether to go to bed with my ever-available Nicholas Sparks, or watch Desperate Housewives. I really don't want to go to sleep. If I do, that means the weekend is over, and it's back to my simply chaotic life. If I don't, I'll wake up tired and groggy in the morning, wishing I had opted for a quickie with Nicholas, and then turned out the light, escaping to my vividly romantic dreamland. In all honesty, I rarely remember my dreams, but I know they are vivid from the few I have remembered.

A few years ago I had a dream that Eminem took full advantage of me, just like the hot French guy who took advantage of Diane Lane, in the steamy bathroom scene in Unfaithful. Although I had never thought of Eminem as hot, he became a short-term crush, solely based on his seemingly perfect bathroom love-making skills. I told my husband about it. He found it to be hilarious. Even now, if Eminem ever comes up in conversation, which very seldom happens, I see amusement in his eyes. It's been a while since the rapper has come up, but I'm sure I'll never live it down. My crush has long subsided.

I think it's incredible how our imaginations work when we're not even aware of it. I once bought a dream journal. I had good intentions to leave it by my bedside, and after a dream, I would open the book, scribble my dream details, and then look in the back to see how I should interpret them. I didn't even think about the fact that I am so muzzy when I wake up, there is no way I would take the time to write in a damn dream journal. I'd rather sleep. Jeez! What was I thinking? It sounded like a good thing to do at the time...

I do think it would be neat to have a compilation of all the dreams I've had, whether I've remembered them at some point or not. Maybe when I get to Heaven one day, I'll ask for the DVD. Actually, that surveillance alone may send me directly to the subterranean vault. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut, and hope that God doesn't judge us on our subconscious thoughts.

Alright... I'm off to have that quickie now...

Quote of the Day: “Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”

We're All Nuts! Even You!

I often wonder why people do the things they do. I try not to judge... I would be judged infinitely if individuals were judged on the things we do, think and say.

I was at my wonderful Activity Director conference a couple of months ago, and one of the speakers was fabulous! Her name was Kat. Kat spoke about not judging patients at work, and people in general (the conference was for nursing home activity directors... that's me!).

Kat mentioned that she enjoys pajamas from LL Bean, because they look so cute on the models in the catalogs. When she received her own jammies, she put them on, looked in the mirror and decided they did indeed look cute (she's adorable by the way!)... However, after crawling into bed, the pants rode up. She pulled them back down. They rode up again. Pretty soon she was standing in the middle of her bed, ripping off her pants and throwing them directly onto the floor, not taking the time to get out of bed.

Kat asked us what we would think if we walked by a patient's room to find them standing in the middle of their bed, tearing off their pants in a fit of rage. What would you think? Before her speech, I would've thought the patient was insane. During her speech, I realized that she was brilliant!

Kat's speech made me realize how quick we are to categorize people. It's really amazing how things just click. What she was saying was so blatently obvious! I guess this way of thinking is where the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover' came from. So smart! We people can just be so damn dumb (no offense)!

This brings me to today's story. Mom & I took Abbi out shopping again. Mom & Dad leave on vacation next weekend, and this was our last opportunity to get together. Plus I have been cooped up in the house for a few days, and I was ready to get the hell out!

We had a less-than-lovely dining experience at Max & Erma's. Abbi kept saying her belly hurt (this is drama... not real belly aches) and decided to curl up in a ball and lay down on her chair, while singing loudly for all to hear. As usual, I found the whole situation amusing. Who cares if people think my daughter has issues? She does! She gets them from her mother! So proud... so so proud!

So after our bizarre lunch, we went to Target! I love Target! The shopping experience was fine. Abbi was a bit crotchety, but we dealt. She found a darling purple purse she just HAD to have, so that brightened her spirits a tad. After our shopping excursion, we went to pay. The guy at the register was quite friendly. It was nice! And so unusual! I just don't get pissed at dim-witted cashiers or brainless waiters anymore. It's just the norm. It used to piss me off that I would say hello to the greeters at Walmart and they wouldn't respond! HELLO?!?! Should you be paying me?! You are PAID to GREET! GREET ME! Okay, maybe they irk me a little, but it's just not worth the effort... they aren't going to become nice just because we smile at them. It pisses them off actually... that's part of the reason I say hello! The bigger you smile, the deeper the frown. It's comical.

After we did a little more shopping, we went to Coldstone Creamery. If you have never been, go! It's exceptionally lickable! I've indulged on 3 occasions now, and I have decided it's the best ice cream I've ever had. YUM!

We waited a long time in line. Abbi tried to strike up a conversation with a little boy her age, and his sister, who was probably around 7 or 8. They weren't having it! How rude! I understand not talking to strangers, but Abbi is 4! She didn't know how to take their indifference to her, or their dirty looks. I didn't know how to take them either! Is this how other kids are going to treat the twins when they start preschool this fall? How bad will it be once Logan (2) starts school? I get a little panicky when I think about people being hateful with my kids, and when I actually catch a glimpse of it, boy does it piss me off!

While we were waiting in the very long line (it's worth it people!), Mom & I noticed that the 2 guys working were in slow motion. I have never seen 2 guys make ice cream with their mouths hanging open, stoned out of their minds. These guys were stoned... stoned beyond stoned. WOW! Again, I found this terribly amusing. When Mom placed our order with one of the high guys, he literally stood there for a long while staring at the toppings. Then when he reached for the brownies, it was very much in slo-mo. Mom & I were looking at eachother, while Abbi looked anxiously at the mean kids. I was trying not to laugh, and then I realized high guy wouldn't care. He'd probably laugh with me. Mom had ordered our lickable ice cream in waffle bowls (heaven... I'm tellin' ya!) and 2 hours later (only a slight exaggeration) when high guy was finally done mixing our concoctions, he placed the first one in a regular bowl. Mom politely asked if we could have the other one in a waffle bowl. He asked if she wanted him to put the first one in a waffle bowl. LOL. So, he proceeds to scoop the second concoction into a regular bowl. Mom corrected him. I cracked up... out loud... I laughed at him... with him! As I predicted, he started laughing, too. He was so obviously stoned. It was so unprofessional and so hilarious at the same time. The poor kid needs help... or maybe not... he didn't have a single care in the world. People lined up around the block? Oh, well! He'd get to em when he got to em.

I do wonder why people go to work stoned. I wonder why little kids are so mean to other little kids. I wonder why children like to push other children they don't even know down the slide at the playground, and why the parents don't yell at them. I'm not judging... honestly, I'm not. I just wonder... why, oh, why do people do the crazy things they do?

Bad Dreams, Hot Dreams, Daydreams & Never-ending Dreams...

I started thinking about dreams tonight. I sometimes have dreams so vivid, I wake up in a sweat, thinking they were true! If I have a really good dream ;) I often think of it throughout the day, proving the fact that women think about sex just as much as men do!

I fell asleep at 8pm tonight. I just couldn't make it to bed, so I slept on the couch... all kinked up and uncomfortable, but it was much easier than starting my bedtime ritual (read recent posts for details on this topic). I just ignored it all and went to sleep... nice, distressing, awkward couch sleep.

I woke at 11pm in a daze. I dreamt that I screamed at one of my friends... I screamed at her to the point we would never be friends again. It was real. It felt real. It took me a good 20 minutes to focus enough to realize it really wasn't real. What a dream! And before 11pm, too! I wanted to call my buddy to make sure we truly were still friends. But I didn't. I know now that I will be able to tell her the full, over-the-top story tomorrow and we'll get a good laugh out of it. But tonight it's real.

When I was little I had a recurring dream. I dreamt over and over that my sister and I were playing out in the front yard. Sis was swinging and I was doing cartwheels (God, I loved cartwheels!), and this man in a station wagon (a woody) would pull up and kidnap us. It was a very vivid, chilling dream. I bet I dreamt that same dream 30 times as a child. I never looked into my dream dictionary to see what it meant. By the time I got a dictionary I was onto a new, equally frightening recurring dream...

As a teenager I would dream that I was on a freeway... a never-ending freeway. There were 2 lanes, one going in each direction with a partition. There were no exits. There were absolutely no opportunities to stop. You were forced to drive forever... forever and ever... I still think about that dream occasionally when I'm on a freeway. Thank God for exit ramps and rest stops! They were nowhere to be found in my nightmare. That's a better word for these bad dreams.

I don't normally have recurring dreams anymore. I daydream a lot. I have huge goals... goals I think of frequently and with great expectation. I like to think I've replaced the good with the bad. I've heard several times that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I tend to agree... although some days I believe it much more than others.

So, I just looked up my recurring childhood and teenhood dreams. Being kidnapped/abducted means you are in fear of something... losing your most familiar surroundings or something close to you. That makes sense. I'm a worrier.

My never-ending road dream signifies anxiety related to "my path"... that also makes sense. I've never been 100% sure of myself or my course. Maybe it's a good sign I don't have that dream anymore!

Driving dreams also suggest a pattern in your sex-life! WOW! I won't comment on that, but WOW! That's a lot of never ending love!

Dreams can affect us in so many ways. Nightmares may stick with us throughout the day, and have an impact on everything we do that day, only to be forgotten the following day. Sweet dreams may put a spark in our step and a smile on our faces for hours or even days! Daydreams can push us forward or hold us back, depending on the subject matter. Ex. Daydreaming you are going to have wild, passionate wall sex with a famous actor may hold you back... but daydreaming about the same type of wall sex with your significant other can push your sex-life to a whole new level!

I think dreams are amazing. They are like little movies in our minds. Some are rated G, family-friendly and generally clean. Some may be PG... there may be some innuendos, but no full-blown bad language or butts hanging out. Many may be rated PG-13, (these days) you may see a butt or a boob. Bunches may be rated R, depending on how dirty-minded you are. Some may be rated NC-17, just like my website.... and I won't go on, but you get my drift...

I will continue to dream... I'm sure of it. Without the dream that I may become an author, I would have never started a blog. Without the dream that I would be able to have children, I truly believe I'd be kidless. Dreams matter... big and small. I choose to dream big!

Kelly:0)

Confession: I sometimes feel like Izzy Stevens when I blog. LOL!

Brusha Brusha Brusha

I once talked about my bedtime ritual, and my OCD tendencies, which seem to be magnified in the late night hours.

Tonight I'm reminded of them again. My children are fast asleep, but every now and then I hear a cough... and then another cough... followed by a whimper. Silence. The silence is what makes me a crazy woman. I realize that the cougher has been quiet for several minutes, and I run back to make sure everything is okay. It's a me thing... or maybe a Mommy thing. I don't think this can be blamed exclusively on OCD...

Along with my babies, my husband is also soundly sleeping. Earlier I mentioned some options for this evening. We could watch TV, or he could play his game and I could catch up with my Young & the Restless episodes from this week (I've been watching since I was 4). He said, "I was thinking about some sleep." He kissed me and went to bed. I stared at him in awe. How wonderful to just be able to go to bed when you say you are going to!

After the words "I'm going to bed now" escape my lips, I start my ritual. The ritual takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, depending on the next day's events. If I have to work the next day, I pick out clothes (scrubs, thank God! Either Hello Kitty or Betty Boop... it's often a difficult decision for me).

After picking out my clothes, I choose clothes for the 3 kids. I check the weather first to see if we can get away with short sleeves. After weather-check and rummaging through three dressers for 3 complete semi-matching outfits, I take my medicine. As I've mentioned in previous posts, during this nightly routine, I check the door to make sure it's locked a minimum of two times. I know it's locked after the first. I do. But I always double check. It's a habit... a habit that makes me feel better. After a door check, I contemplate picking out lunch for the kids for the next day. I've become a slacker about this. I used to get out bowls, spoons, forks, can opener, etc. Now we just wing it. Even kids need some spontenaity, right?

After blowing off lunch, I brush my teeth, wash my face, check on the kids, try to remember if I took my medicine, then fear an overdose, so I think really, really hard and realize, Yes! I did take my medicine.

Then I normally check my blog, my Twitter, Facebook, occasionally MySpace, my Hotmail and then my blog... just one more time...

I put up the baby gate, so the kids don't sneak out (you never know... they're starting young these days), check on the boys and then Abbi (just one more time), plug in my cell phone, check to make sure my alarms (yes, I have to set 2) are on, and my ringer is loud enough.

Then I pull out my book (I'm currently reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks... fabulous!) with every intention of indulging myself in some 'me time'. I realize I'm too tired, lay my book on my nightstand and then close my eyes. I think for a bare minimum of 15-minutes, making lists in my over-crowded head that I will absolutely never remember in 5 hours when I wake.

Then I think about checking on the kids again, but in my hazy daze fall to sleep... normally to wake just a while later to a cute little pee-smelling baby crawling into bed with me. If you wish to read more about the pee-smelling baby, click here: http://kellysoriginals.blogspot.com/2009/01/amidst-this-chaos-we-find-our-happiness.html#links.

Recently my husband & I talked about being more spontaneous. I love to go on trips, decide to go out to dinner at the last minute rather than cooking, etc. My husband is perfectly okay with enjoying quiet nights at home. I love him for that... it saves us money... but I love the mix-up sometimes, too!

For such a spontaneous person, I sure do obsess over my nighttime routine. Maybe tomorrow night I'll skip brushing my teeth... hmmm... we'll see...

Talking Myself Through It...

I'm avoiding bed. When I go to bed, I know that in the blink of an eye I'll be awake... then off to the center... to have my surgery. I'm so extremely tired tonight, but I just can't make myself go in there... the bedroom... it's normally one of my very favorite places. Not tonight.

I often live my life in quotes. I think of uplifting sentiments constantly throughout my day. It helps. It's similar to positive affirmations with one whopping difference... I don't have to talk to myself in a mirror. That's just strange. Strange for me. If you enjoy talking to yourself in front of yourself, by all means, do your thing... say hi for me!

Anyway, I strayed from the topic a bit there... where was I? Mirrors... affirmations... quotes... oh yeah... avoiding sleep!

So my surgery tomorrow is outpatient. It's supposed to be a 30-minute procedure. I have had 3 surgeries in my lifetime. I have had 2 cesereans, which produced 3 beautiful babies, and I have had my wisdom teeth extracted... one caused pain... wait... they all caused pain... but the cesereans brought me beautiful blessings! The extractions just left me with big holes in my mouth.

The operation I'm having is common. It could be a quick in and out thing, or it could rock my world. I won't know tomorrow. It will take a bit to find out I'm sure. Results like that rarely come back quickly. They prefer for you to sit and stew and brew and turn blue. Then, normally, in my experience, after not hearing from the doctor's office on the day they tell you to expect to hear from them, you sit and stew and brew, and even begin to turn shades of purplish blue, until you finally break down and call them, and they nonchalantly say, "oh yeah... everything was fine. We received your report two days ago."

I am praying for that nonchalant phone call, which at the time will piss me off, but in foresight, I know I will be breathing an exaggerated sigh of relief, while bitching to my friends about the incompetence of the would've been caller.

I have had some issues which have led up to this itty bitty operation. The wonderful news is that the pain I've been having should go away. The bad news is, it's a short-term fix for a long-term problem. We'll probably have to make a decision in a year or two, but right now I'm perfectly fine with just a patch up! It allows me to hang out for a while longer in my state of denial (or my personal lala land, as I enjoy calling it).

In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is not a big deal. It has been a big deal to me, because it's there... going on within my body. It's a strange feeling knowing I'm 'off'... I mean, I have always known I'm 'off', but more mentally so... at least that's what my buds tell me. My physical self has always been pretty much okay... great blood pressure, low cholesterol... nothing to report... well, some poundage to lose, but... I'm straying again...

After typing this, I realize that the goods of this situation outweigh the bads. Whether I avoid bed or not, I still have to be at that center at 7:15am. I might as well go in there well-rested.

Sleep tight!

Pure Profoundness

Okay, so believe it or not, this entry is going to be completely genuine and possibly profound. It's a reminiscence. When I find myself in one of these moods, I roll with it... not only because I enjoy the nostalgia, but also because it makes for fabulous writing!

As you can see by my last blog entry, last time I checked in I was NOT feeling nostalgic, nor serious. That was over a week ago. The blog feeling has just not been with me. Call it's bloggers block or typers thwart. Whatever it is, it sucks. I literally sat down at my computer every single night to type to all of my (4) loyal fans, only to find I had nothing intriguing to blog about. I tried. I truly did. I looked to other blogs for inspiration. I checked my other online outlets often, but no revelations came to me. Until today...

I recently ordered a book from Amazon, entitled More List Yourself. I remember having the original book a few years ago, and not writing in it, after deciding that it required way too much thought. Back then, I fought every single feeling I had, and refused to entertain any idea of improving myself from the inside, afraid that I might accidentally find a repressed feeling that I may not be able to deal with.

Today I embrace these feelings. If I remember something hurtful I FIND a way to deal with it. I have been very blessed, and have come to realize that I am not beyond asking for help.

Some forms of assistance I may require on any given day:

-Friends

-Texting

-Family

-Prayer

-Sleep (10-12 hours please)

-Alcohol

-Anti-depressents

-Anti-psychotics

-Anti-anxiety medications

-A cocktail of the above listed ingredients

-A good book

-A vacation

-Sex

-Dr. Christian Troy, the remote & my bed

-A good workout

-Again... a cocktail of the above mentioned items & man

-A bubble bath

-A hot shower

-A mani/pedi

-A dozen pillows, my bed & a stack of good magazines

-Catalogs & endless money

-Panera

-Vente Mocha

-A love letter

-Music

-Cool, crisp air

-Hot, steamy sex dreams

Add your own to create your own happy list. Just making the stupid list will enlighten you, and listening to Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' with your kids. Pure bliss!

See, I told you it would be profound!