Shrinking :)

A while back I mentioned the fancy vitamins I've been taking. I had been wanting to lose some weight & was feeling extremely lethargic. I was absolutely tired of being tired! I would come home from work exhausted, with no energy to play with my babies or my husband. ;)

While my hectic schedule had a lot to do with it, I knew my diet needed attention, I needed to start exercising and taking my vitamins again. Then I met an AdvoCare distributor and started using their products.

Within a week I was absolutely hooked! Not hooked like you get hooked on drugs. :) I was hooked in the best way possible! I had an immediate increase in energy, and I started dropping weight instantly. Within the first 4 weeks I lost over 16lbs and my motivation sky-rocketed. For the first time in a long time, I truly started to believe in myself! I knew that with the amount of success I had already seen, I could continue to find the courage and motivation to continue a healthy lifestyle... something I sometimes lack.

I started faithfully taking my vitamins, exercising more consistently and eating right, with a few splurges along the way. :)

As excited as I am with my short-term success, I know the long-term effects will be amazing! I'm so anxious to run again! I used to run like a crazy woman pre-babies. I want that back!

As you all know, I normally throw my slap-happy humor into nearly every blog post. I really wanted to tell you about AdvoCare today!

Check out the website: https://www.advocare.com/09064465/default.aspx
You can help me earn a little money :)
I recommend the MNS for appetite control if you have weight to lose. You can also check out the MNS for energy. And if you need instant energy, the SLAM is awesome!

Alright, no more sales calls ;) I just had to let my readers know! I'm stoked!
Let me know if you have any questions.

-Kelly :)

Kissin' the Curb

I really don't remember ever blogging when I'm pissed off. I thought this could bring a new perspective to my oh-so-sweet image! HA! As I've mentioned in previous posts, I smile sweetly at people, say hello to everyone who crosses my angelic path, and think only good of others. Tonight this is not the case. I'm just irked. Mad, pissed, angry, evil... whatever ya wanna call it. I'm just AHHH! It's definitely NOT the night to mess with the Kelly. I may scream in your face or start laughing uncontrollably. You just never know when circumstances like these arise.

I'll start at the beginning...

I was visiting my best friend Sunday night. I took a trip down to the gas station to grab some Subway. We've both agreed in the past that deli meat sandwiches are not at all fun, nor a treat, but it was that or Taco Bell. The choice made itself.

So anyway, I get to the gas station & I'm feeling a bit woozy. This isn't too different from my usual state, so I don't think a lot of it. I stepped out of my car and immediately twisted my ankle. I then fell over a curb, fell onto my knees and then onto my nose. I had my glasses on, so the middle section decided to cut into my face. It was fabulous. And to top it all off, I then fell onto my forehead. Priceless!

To rewind this scene, I'm sure I would laugh hysterically, along with the rest of my friends & acquaintances, who all assume I had been drinking when this incident occurred. Just so you are all aware, I was not inebriated. I was, however, drinking grape sugar-free Kool-Aid, which I hear causes green bowl movements. How interesting! I'll get back to ya on that one!

So after falling in slow motion, I then sat on the pavement, unable to get up. A guy walked out of the gas station, looked at me, didn't say a word and got into his car. I smiled at him. How nice that he stopped to make sure I was okay. Asshole!

Then a lady ran to me and asked if I needed some napkins. I felt my face, and when I looked at my hand, I freaked out just a little more. I was bleeding! A lot! Sure lady... bring me some napkins. I stared at her blankly. What I thought had come out of my mouth hadn't. But she went to get my napkins anyway.

When she got back, she asked if I needed help up. I explained to her that getting up at that point wasn't gonna happen. I think she thought I was crazy. She was right :0) Hehe.. okay, so a little smile just emerged from my irritability. Dam it.

So, after I was holding some napkins, I put the contents of my purse back together, grabbed my evil glasses (I will soon be a full-time contact wearing diva) and stood up. Oh woozies.. it woulda felt good if it didn't feel oh, so bad!

I got in my car. A man ran up to me and asked me if I was okay to drive. "Probably not, but I'm gonna" I said. I then drove back to the nursing home. I called my mom, who works there, to ask her if there was any way to get to my friend's room without walking by the nurses station. No such luck. I had an older resident compliment my purse (thanks, by the way, lady!) on my way to my friend's room. Of course, there were several people sitting at the nurses station, and although I was trying to cover my oozing face, they noticed. LOL. Damn giggles.

Nurse Jennifer took care of me. She asked me if I knew my name, where I was and what day it was. I felt so proud! I knew them all! I was secretly hoping for a sticker, but once again, no such luck.

So, to make a longer story a bit shorter, I went back to my friend's room, my husband & kids picked me up (I wasn't sure if I should drive, because although I wasn't drunk, I'm pretty darn sure I couldn't pass any cop tests.. you know, walk & turn, HGN, etc. I'm not even sure I could do those things on my best non-drunk day), and we came home. My mother, husband and best friend informed me I should go to the hospital. I refused. That's right. I refused treatment.

So I've had a killer headache for 2 days now. I know I should've went to the hospital, but it was Sunday night, and the thought of sitting at the Marion General ER just didn't sit well with me. I'd take my chances. If I went to the hospital, I'm sure they would've just told me I was dehydrated or I had an upper respiratory infection, and sent me on my way... I said a nice prayer just in case I didn't make it through the night. (Stifling more giggles as we speak.)

Well, I made it.. and still today (Tuesday) I have had a terrible headache all day. So I went to the doctor today, and they informed me they want to scan my cat. How fun! I've never had a cat scan before. I figure it's a couple minutes of quiet, right?! Who cares about the claustrophobia. I get peace! Bring on the machines!

Tonight when I got home, I explained to my babies that I needed quiet time. Mommy's head was pounding. Daddy had been up over 24 hours, and neither one of us had much energy. The kids decided to scream at me louder than usual (or maybe it just felt that way since I feel like my head is full of lead pipes) and Joel decided to play Rock Band. I tried to catch up on my Young & the Restless in the bedroom, but do you think that worked? Heck no! The kids follow me everywhere. I know I sound like a fantastic Mom right now. I love my kids dearly, and I don't know what I'd do without them (okay, so I do... I'd vacation... for a long, long time), but sheesh! Give me a break!

Well, Abbi now has to poop, Aiden is throwing an economy-size package of baby wipes around the living room and Logan is jumping on Aiden. I have to go. Please pray for me... and forgive my cursing. It's a bad habit... but I enjoy it.

Kisses to all. Hope you all are just swell.

Kelly ;)

My Own Worst Enemy

At this very moment I should be in bed. It's 12:31am and, once again, I will be waking up tired tomorrow. Okay, I'm tired whether I have had 4 hours of sleep, or 10. I just love sleep. It makes me happy.... along with fancy coffee, flip-flops (or slip-slops as my Abbi calls them), Denis Leary and my family & friends, not in that order.

I have come to the realization that I am my own worst enemy. I will often tell a resident at work how pretty she looks, or how nice he looks in his new shirt. I often get the replies, "Oh, I'm so old... I'm not pretty", and they shrug me off with a chuckle. I always tell them that they are their own worst critic. WOW, I've never put MYSELF in that position before. Sure, I receive compliments now and again, but do I accept them with a simple "thank you" and move on throughout my day, a little spark in my step from their nice words? Hell No! I pick it apart, and wonder if they were just sucking up... to the point where I don't even enjoy it. Huh... I guess I should practice what I preach...

I am genuinely a nice person. When I tell someone they look nice, I mean it. As I've mentioned before, I see the good in people. The bad sneaks in every now & then, but that is just being realistic. I often wonder what people truly think of me? I won the award for the "Happiest Employee" at work last year. I wonder if that's how people see me... as "happy"? Most generally I am. I like to think people believe I have a kind spirit, and I'm fun-loving and easy to talk to. I like to think that my less-than-perfect physical attributes (I'm quite pale and practically blind) are less seen because of my sparkling personality.

The problem is... I may be able to figure out what others truly think if I allow them to think it... to me. If I stop pushing the kind words aside, and take them to heart. If I let the nice things people say get to me as much as the mean things they do and say, I'd be a new woman! Why is it we remember the bad remarks so much more easily than the good? Why are we honestly our own worst enemies, our own worst critics?

I may not receive a compliment tomorrow... but if I do, I'm going to take it to heart. I'll let it put a smile on my face, and an extra spark in that step. I may even say "thank you" without laughing or shaking my head.

I have learned something today... I need to allow people to like me... in order to like myself. I am a good person, and I'm going to let the world see it. And those who don't? Well, they have issues of their own, so they need not worry about mine.

Don't be your own worst critic or enemy... join me and mean it! You are wonderful, and so am I!

Take Me There...

Summer Vacation. The phrase sounds just like a little piece of heaven! My family & I went on vacations each summer when I was a little girl. I've been to many of the states in the US. I remember bits & pieces, but wish I remembered more... Here are some of my accounts from past vacations, which I have touched on in recent posts.


One of my more vivid vacation experiences is when my family went out west when I was around 7 years old. We took a 3-week trip and saw several states. I can clearly remember my dad, while pulling a travel trailer, driving on excruciatingly scary curvy roads. The 'curves' were much more like sharp turns, and most of the time, there were no guard rails to be seen.



I remember Dad having to honk the horn while going around these 'curves' and the horns still honking in my head long after we stopped driving.



I have 2 very clear memories from this trip... the first being absolutely amazing, in my opinion...



We were going around one of those sharp turn-curves I mentioned, and when we looked down, hundreds of feet, there were old cars piled at the bottom of this huge drop. I could not believe it! This was in Arizona. I believe there should be a name for this spot, and it should definitely be a tourist attraction to promote better driving. Those people that sped over the huge cliff learned their lesson... but they learned it a bit too late to change their ways. I like to think that the people survived, but there was no possible way of pulling the cars out of the pile-up hundreds of feet down. This was educational for me, and I still think about it. It was awful and amazing at the same time.



The second memory I enjoy recalling also took place in Arizona and has to do with my father, who can be extremely funny and impulsive! My brother wanted a cactus. He wanted a cactus really bad. My dad finally got so tired of hearing about the cactus, he pulled over on the side of the road in Arizona, walked right out to a small cactus and tried to rip it out of the ground. Dad's hands were covered in spines and I knew, although he had very rough and tough hands from years of work, he had hurt himself. It was an experience... I promise you that! And I still bring it up to my dad! Impulse cacti-picking is not for the weak or faint of heart. :0) We did not come home with a cactus. My poor brother. My poor dad's hands.



Now, I would like to share with you a wonderful memory from a summer vacation with my family when I was in the 4th grade. Our family went to Hocking Hills to camp in Ohio (a couple of hours from home). There were many activities going on at the shelter house, and when we camped, I tended to get involved in the activities taking place, and liked to make lots of friends (and boyfriends)...



I heard through the campground grapevine that there was going to be a singing contest! My love for singing pushed me to enter. I sang "Somewhere out There" from The American Tale. I won! I remember being so excited! My prize consisted of riding on a golf cart to the campground store, and picking out any t-shirt of my choice, on the house! I chose a pink Garfield shirt. I wore it to bed for YEARS! I'm sure it still resides in my parents' attic. I may even see it again one day! I remember Garfield was half gone last time I saw it, from repeated wash & wear. I was extremely proud of that t-shirt!



The following story is my first real vacation memory with my husband... and I still ache to go back:

Last November, my husband and I went to Atlantic City, New Jersey for our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was amazing! We budgeted and planned, and it was 4 days and 3 nights of bliss! Although it hovered between 50 & 60 degrees while we were there, and the sun didn't come out until the last day we were there, it was magical!



Joel, my husband, is very laid back... so laid back that I often get discouraged, because he is perfectly content to sit at home and stick to the routine of life. I am not this way. I like to experience things! To be impulsive (thanks Dad!) and try new, fun things! Vacations have always been on the top of my list of things to do, but Joel has always been nonchalant about vacationing, so I have pretty much let it sit on the back burner, just keeping it warm enough to know that one day I'd fire it up, and we'd finally escape Ohio!



When we started planning our trip, I was so extrmely excited! Joel didn't seem so excited. He had never seen the ocean. That shocked me! I couldn't wait to show it to him, and although he was not doing cartwheels at the thought of seeing a hugely beautiful body of water, I knew he'd be impressed once we got there.



I was right. Joel loved the vacation experience just as much as I did. I remember one night we had returned to our hotel room after walking on the boardwalk, having a homeless man yell at us (and others) to "GO DIE", eating pizza on the beach and checking out the strip of casinos. Once we got back to our room, I washed my face, got ready for bed and settled in. Joel looked at me and said, "you wanna go down to the casino?" I was in heaven! Such a shock for me! Joel was finally doing something on a whim! Atlantic City was bringing out the best in my husband. I liked it! I loved it!



We did a lot of things the 4 days we were there. I was so happy. I missed the kids, but knowing they were safe, I was able to truly enjoy myself and relax... and so was Joel. I can't wait to go back... whether it be Atlantic City or another city... I am looking forward to a WARM trip to the beach!



My dream vacation is to rent a house right on the beach... to watch the kids playing in the sand, building sandcastles and screaming with joy! My husband will write "Joel Loves Kelly" in the sand big enough for passing airplanes to see. I will sit on the beach with my collection of books, my notebook for future blogs, my babies surrounding me and my husband staring out at the ocean, that he once didn't care about, in awe... I want to start making our own vacation memories... ones the kids can laugh about and blog about one day...

I hope to be there soon...

Twists & Turns, Moo-Cow Roads & Positivity

I went to a conference today. My friend & I managed to talk so much, we got lost on the way there, as well as on the way home. We had fun. Spoiling-wise, it came nowhere close to my last conference (see earlier blog post about my wonderful annual activity conference experience... already looking forward to next year). The seats were not of the swivel variety this time, and had no smoosh to them whatsoever. There were no decadent coffees to choose from... in fact, I didn't see any coffee at all. There was no dining room set up with cloth napkins, sparkling water glasses and a choice of 3-4 buffet tables (although the boxed Arby's lunch was rather good)... but the company was fantastic! I was a bit disturbed that the tables were so low, there was absolutely no way to cross my 5'10" legs... add a head & torso... you do the math. I always sucked at math.

I have always had a great fear of getting lost. If I had been alone today, driving through small towns I had only heard of (the conference was an estimated 2 hours away... hahahaha!), I would have had a complete nervous breakdown. This is no exaggeration... I would have freaked the hell out! You see, I am blind... of the legal variety... if you do not know me, you most-likely have no idea that I have a daylight-restricted license (due to vision problems, not legal problems). If I ever must drive to a town I've never been to, I either beg for a ride, or my husband... my wonderful husband... will take me for a 'run-through' the day before. The summers are fantastic! I can stay out until 9pm on the longest day of the year! Winters-not so much fun... curfew is at 5pm at best!

I'll share more about my visual impairment at a later time. It's really not important here... except to tell you that I do believe this is why I have such a fear of getting lost.

I remember odd things from my childhood. I remember a lot of funny, goofy times... but I also remember the times I got lost. I remember being at Sioux St Marie one year, staying in a cabin with my mom and dad, sister and brother. My brother was out fishing and a storm rolled in. I remember worrying about him, and running out to find him. When I looked back at the cabins, I realized they all looked alike! I had no idea which one was ours. My heart began to beat rapidly, and I had visions of being lost forever... on the beach... without my family. Then I heard my mom calling me. I couldn't see her, but I could hear her. Somehow I made it back to the cabin, as did my brother... it was a scary experience for me, but it also taught me to stay close to those who loved me.

During our 'lost' time today, I thought about the curvy moo-cow roads we were on, and how the twists and turns are just like life. My friend & I talked about how the swine flu began, and how it is becoming increasingly scary, not only for Mexico and the US, but now for many, many countries. We talked about our healthcare system, and the changes that are coming... we had wonderful conversation, and it swayed me to focus on our chitchat, and not the hills and curves that would normally scare me.

I was enlightened today. I think it's very easy to be afraid right now. There are so many variables... so many changes... I have not watched the news for years now, because of the depressive factor. I think the events and issues causing global panic, and citizens being scared out of their minds is largely caused by our peers. It was refreshing today to be with a friend with a positive perspective. I am not at all saying my circle of friends is negative... we tend to laugh off what we can't change, and I find that incredibly refreshing, too! It was just nice to have these circumstances explained to me in a way I understood... and in a way that did not make me grip my seat in panic!

I think it's extremely important to surround ourselves with positive people right now. Some negativity is a given... it's always going to be there. But as a whole, if we focus on our positive relationships, and the people who truly care for us, our happiness and the fact that we don't want to be scared shitless, the world, or at least a few of us in it, will be more positive and able to help others.

Humor is great. Realism not so much. But if we see our situations and our lives a little differently, I think we could make our part of the world just a little bit better.

My Friend Heda

Warning: This blog post is NOT for those folks who do not enjoy cryptic humor. You won't understand the humor in this at all if you were not born a neurotic, slap-happy goofball. You must have a very special mind to appreciate a head of lettuce talking to you... very, very special. Read on if you dare... but I warned you!



Dear Reader,

My name is Heda (pronounced Head-a). I was delivered at Meijer in recent days. I cannot tell you exactly which day I was thrown into the lettuce bin. I was buried beneath many other lettuce heads of all shapes and sizes (well, mostly round, but we all protrude in various areas). Some heads were rotting onto me, and I was so very thankful when I began making my way to the top of the bin. I would rather be eaten than to live like this... in my own private lettuce hell.



So today I reached the top! Oh, what a glorious day! I sat there for a while, glaring at shoppers choosing my fellow heads, and then I decided to change my attitude. After all, I was at the very tip-top, and pretty soon I knew I couldn't be ignored! It was MY TIME TO SHINE!


So I enjoyed the sprinkles of water the workers sprayed on me, and basked there, changing positions whenever possible to show off my succulent-ness and my fabulous figure. I had very few protruding areas. I was the perfect choice for the woman eye-balling me. I had almost perfect roundness. And so did she!


The woman picked me up and fondled me with expert hands. She fingered my rear and squeezed me like a juiced-up lemon. I was so sure she would pick me! I was so overly excited I could hardly take the suspense.


Just then, out of nowhere, my plump would-be friend dropped me onto the tiled floor. She stared at me for a minute, turned her head in all directions to make sure no shoppers had witnessed her clumsiness and walked away! SHE WALKED AWAY! I just sat on the floor in shock. Thankfully I was sitting in a come-hither position. I knew I couldn't be resisted for long. I had no heads to compete with! I just knew I would be the first one to be noticed. I stuck out like a.... well, a head of lettuce on the ground.


Just then it hit me! Nobody would ever choose me over the others. I was tarnished! Think of all the feet that had walked on the same floor I sat upon. My heart began to break... my leaves wilted a little at the thought.


And then I had a moment of hopefullness. A tall, redheaded silly-looking girl walked by. She looked at me, turned her head and told me she would be back. Was she coming back to buy me? Was I finally going to escape the evilness of Meijer? I prayed! I wanted to be adopted. If just for a short while. I didn't care... I wanted to scream "you can eat me! Just take me home!" But I didn't.


The redhead came back then. I had seen her giggling all the way down to the cheese section and back. She walked up to me, cell phone in hand, and just as she leaned down, I knew she was going to pick me up! ADOPTION DAY! I couldn't take the suspense! I was panting I was so excited! "Come on redheaded mama... take me home!"


As she knelt down, she giggled at me once more and snap! Took my picture. She stared at me for a moment, and at that very moment, I could hear her thoughts.... she was thinking "I want to run over you... over and over and over you with my cart, but I'll resist because you are a perfectly good head of dirty lettuce. I'll leave you here to be plucked up by some other poor sucker." It was terribe... mostly because this redheaded hag was staring at me with such amusement in her eyes, and yet she was thinking of mowing me down!


I stared after her, willing her to trip. She didn't. Little did she know that I would later be gathered by a rich old woman, and after getting me home and into the refrigerator, she would pass away in her sleep, dreaming of the fabulous garden she never had. She had picked me out and washed me, thinking that she would make homemade coleslaw, and impress her lazy garden-club friends with her 'special coleslaw' from her fenced-in non-existent garden she allowed no one near.


I gloriously rotted in her refrigerator for 9 months. No one ever found me until the house was sold. I prayed the new owners would keep me, but my moldiness and lack of lustrous leaves must have turned them off. I was thrown into a dumpster, and later into a huge heap of trash, where I would become even more rancid over time, finally disintegrating into nothingness.


I do not wish this upon any of my lettuce friends. Lettuce all get along. Lettuce not drop lettuce and cabbage and other garden friends at the store, and not pick them up to allow them another chance to find a home. Lettuce love one another... we lettuce know you will eat us. We are okay with that. We just want to be chosen. We just need a moment in the sun. Lettuce have peace... between human and vegetable... LETTUCE.


Your Putrefied Friend,

Heda Lettuce



A Note From the Redhead:


Dear Heda,
I do apologize that I did not pluck you from your sad place on the Meijer floor. I had no idea you were so distraught. I did laugh at you. I couldn't help it. And you read my thoughts correctly... I did wish to run over you with my cart... repeatedly... over and over... but I didn't. I simply took your picture. What harm did that do?

Heda, I need you to know that the reason I did not adopt you is because I did not need you. I needed no lettuce for the spaghetti and garlic bread we were having for dinner. I simply needed cheese.

When I first saw you, I didn't know what to think of the fact that you were sitting all alone in the middle of the floor. I don't believe I've ever seen a single head of lettuce on the floor at the grocery before. I have now! And that's why I laughed!

You DID shine today though... I must tell you... I sent your photo to my friends. We talked about you all evening! Heda, I hope you understand that I did not mean to hurt you. I just needed a laugh, and you provided that. I hope you enjoy your lettuce heaven. Lettuce have peace on Earth! God Bless and Goodnight.

Your friend,

The Redhead

The Sweetest Blessings

This blog post is proud to be linked to:


When I sit down to type a new blog entry, I often go with the feeling I am having at the moment. Yesterday's entry about the 80s and 90s was so much fun for me... and I have to admit, I'm extremely amused with the feedback I have received following that post! I love that there are so many people out there with crazy personalities, or lots of folks who at least appreciate the maniacs out there! We appreciate your appreciation! :0)

Tonight I find myself feeling extremely blessed. While my three young children are tucked into their beds, sleeping soundly without a care in the world, I sit here thinking about how incredibly fortunate we are to have 3 healthy, happy, very lively children.

When I pick up the newspaper and read an obituary for a child, I immediately get choked up. I can't stand to think of little ones hurting in any way... and the realization that children truly are hurting is overwhelmingly sad. I often have the urge to turn off TV shows if they pertain to children being abused, young ones with illness, babies dying, etc. But then I realize how these stories move me to hold my children tighter, tell them I love them even more, offer hugs and kisses when they're in the mood to snuggle, and play with them when they ask. Oh, how I would regret it if I ignored a request to spend time together, and later learned that it had been my last opportunity.

My heart goes out to parents and other family members and friends who have a terminally ill child, who have to worry every day whether their little one will need to go to the emergency room or worse. It breaks my heart. I want to protect both the child and the family from their hurt and heartache, and I know that isn't possible. While miracles do happen, small blessings do pass and leave behind those who love them. It is heart-wrenching for me to think about.

Grey's Anatomy inspired this post tonight. The little girl with terminal illness who drifted off to sleep forever in her daddy's arms brought instant tears to my eyes, and an instant throb to my heart. I cannot even imagine going through something so horrible. I cannot imagine letting one of my babies go... I just can't fathom it.

This episode of Grey's has reminded me to literally count my blessings, hold them close and to never, ever let myself forget how incredibly special they really are. For the smallest blessings leave the biggest impressions on our hearts.

Talking Myself Through It...

I'm avoiding bed. When I go to bed, I know that in the blink of an eye I'll be awake... then off to the center... to have my surgery. I'm so extremely tired tonight, but I just can't make myself go in there... the bedroom... it's normally one of my very favorite places. Not tonight.

I often live my life in quotes. I think of uplifting sentiments constantly throughout my day. It helps. It's similar to positive affirmations with one whopping difference... I don't have to talk to myself in a mirror. That's just strange. Strange for me. If you enjoy talking to yourself in front of yourself, by all means, do your thing... say hi for me!

Anyway, I strayed from the topic a bit there... where was I? Mirrors... affirmations... quotes... oh yeah... avoiding sleep!

So my surgery tomorrow is outpatient. It's supposed to be a 30-minute procedure. I have had 3 surgeries in my lifetime. I have had 2 cesereans, which produced 3 beautiful babies, and I have had my wisdom teeth extracted... one caused pain... wait... they all caused pain... but the cesereans brought me beautiful blessings! The extractions just left me with big holes in my mouth.

The operation I'm having is common. It could be a quick in and out thing, or it could rock my world. I won't know tomorrow. It will take a bit to find out I'm sure. Results like that rarely come back quickly. They prefer for you to sit and stew and brew and turn blue. Then, normally, in my experience, after not hearing from the doctor's office on the day they tell you to expect to hear from them, you sit and stew and brew, and even begin to turn shades of purplish blue, until you finally break down and call them, and they nonchalantly say, "oh yeah... everything was fine. We received your report two days ago."

I am praying for that nonchalant phone call, which at the time will piss me off, but in foresight, I know I will be breathing an exaggerated sigh of relief, while bitching to my friends about the incompetence of the would've been caller.

I have had some issues which have led up to this itty bitty operation. The wonderful news is that the pain I've been having should go away. The bad news is, it's a short-term fix for a long-term problem. We'll probably have to make a decision in a year or two, but right now I'm perfectly fine with just a patch up! It allows me to hang out for a while longer in my state of denial (or my personal lala land, as I enjoy calling it).

In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is not a big deal. It has been a big deal to me, because it's there... going on within my body. It's a strange feeling knowing I'm 'off'... I mean, I have always known I'm 'off', but more mentally so... at least that's what my buds tell me. My physical self has always been pretty much okay... great blood pressure, low cholesterol... nothing to report... well, some poundage to lose, but... I'm straying again...

After typing this, I realize that the goods of this situation outweigh the bads. Whether I avoid bed or not, I still have to be at that center at 7:15am. I might as well go in there well-rested.

Sleep tight!

Polishing-Up

I painted nails today... lots of nails. If you were to add all of the individual nails I painted, the total would add up to well over a hundred. Many ladies now have very pretty fingernails for Easter. It's amazing how a little coat of paint can bring such huge smiles... and wonderful stories!

I remember my great-grandmothers fairly well. Great Grandma Walker never let us leave her house empty-handed. She was always armed with those little cups of ice cream and other little treats. Plus she always gave dollar bills. I remember how sweet she was. She was very loving and giving.

I also remember my Great Grandma Timson. She was a hoot! She loved shoes. She kept them in the boxes. I've always thought that it's quite odd to leave shoes in their boxes. It's similar to stuffing clothing into the bottoms of drawers you rarely open. You forget about them. Not to mention the fact that if your shoes are lined up in front of you, it's so much easier to choose a pair to go perfectly with your outfit for the day. I don't get it. Obviously Great Grandma did, but I don't.

I also remember Great Grandma Timson, Grandma Pat, Mom, Tara and I going to the jewelry store to have jewelry appraised, and going to Mansfield to shop. I always thought having jewelry appraised was strange, too. The jewelry items being appraised were obviously important to my grandmas. If they had no intention of selling them, why did it really matter how much they were worth? i never quite understood. I still don't.

Today while I was painting nails, I thought of my grandmas. I remember their funny little rituals. Grandma Timson liked to shop, shop, shop, and then return everything she bought! I wonder now if it was buyer's remorse, or if she had OCD. I imagine that was the case. If so, I know who to blame for my quirky rituals. Thanks Grandma.

I heard so many stories today. I truly enjoyed the time I spent with each of the ladies. One lady confided that she had never had her nails painted before coming to the nursing home. Another lady told me how beautiful her nails were "for such an old woman." The women who are blessed enough to go out with family for Easter services told me they feel prettier with their nails polished. It's very sweet how such a small act makes them so extremely happy.

While I was filing and painting, I realized that almost all of the women asked about my family, and how I was doing personally. One of the women even asked me how the economy was affecting our family. I was amazed how interested they were... in my life!

I realized today that the generations of people ahead of us truly care about other people. They don't anxiously wait for us to finish our stories so they can one-up us, or reply with a story of their own. They just honestly enjoy listening.

I'm guilty of jumping in on occasion. I love telling stories. I have even been known to interrupt people. How rude I've been!

I decided today that I will no longer wait my turn while someone is confiding in me or telling me a story. I will just sit back and listen, enjoying the fact that they care enough about me to share with me.

I really think that the younger population is very self-centered. Feel free to send hate mail... I realize that I'm generalizing. There are some really good younger people out there... people that care about others, and don't focus on boosting their self-esteem and crowd appeal by over-exaggerating their own life stories. There are wonderful people who don't put others down to make themselves appear superior. I just don't believe it's the majority.

I am vowing to be one of those few good people. I want to one day be remembered for how much I cared for others... not for my amped-up tales. I want to be like those ladies with polished nails. They have taught me to listen, learn and give. Taking is so overrated. I want my kids and grandkids to not only remember my crazy antics one day (although I hope they do), but also my giving spirit. That is my wish.

Sometimes we all need a little polish.

My Personal Lala Land

So sometimes I find that I live in a state of denial. I justify things. I don't lie. I sugarcoat. I don't want to hurt people, and I don't want to hurt. I want to smile... all the time. I want to enjoy this one life we have. I want to exude the exuberance that has come to be expected of me. I enjoy being silly, and I do occasionally take pleasure in being the center of attention.

I also like to give other people the floor, and I love to hear the inspirational stories of others. I like to help people who are hurting. I think it's amazing to hear about people who have overcome astonishing obstacles, lost loved ones, have nothing left, and still they manage to go on.

I have been a rollercoaster of emotions lately. For the first time I am having a difficult time seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I have been in denial about even this. I have actually been living in this euphoric state, and although I have known for some time that it isn't healthy, it has been my coping mechanism. Today I am crying for no reason. I look at my children and feel so blessed. I look back at my life thus far and see a series of mole hills and mountains. It's beautiful reminiscing, and it aches at the same time.

My personality will not allow me to dwell on these feelings for long. I may post a blog entry tomorrow regarding my insane to-do list and my favorite types of alcoholic beverages (another effective coping mechanism for those who are pleasantly delusional like me). I just need today to dwell. Just one day... to actually allow myself to experience sadness without feeling guilty about it.

Amazing Little Phrases...

I've been at a conference these past two days. A fabulous conference. It's the type of conference you actually LOOK FORWARD to going to... good food, entertaining, informative speakers, comfy seats that spin AND recline and did I mention the food?! It was two days of bliss for me! (Plus I had my hair done after the first day! Bliss I tell ya!)

Some of the information discussed was so very deep, and above my head that it took me several minutes to process single sentences and phrases.

Hurt people hurt people.


Think about that.


I did. For quite a while. I texted the words to my assistant. She didn't get it either. Typing the words into my little phone sent a tiny little current from my fingers to my brain. Hurt people really DO hurt people.


I'm not going to drone on and on about how we hurt people and hurt ourselves. I just thought that was an amazing little phrase. No, I'm NOT chanting for anyone to go out and hurt people. That was how I first interpreted the phrase, too.


Sometimes we so quickly jump into a fit of rage with a coworker who didn't include our name in an email, a friend who didn't return a phone call or a salesman who didn't say thank you, but we have no idea what may be going on behind the scenes. That person may have just been diagnosed with breast cancer. They may have just lost a child in recent months. That individual could have just found out an hour before that he or she is being laid off indefinitely. Due to the economy and the financial crisis, your friend's cell phone may have been shut off, and she was unable to return your call.


One trait I pride myself on is my friendliness. I rarely meet a stranger, I treat people with respect and I enjoy the fact that people know I genuinely care for them, with all of my heart. I'm not saying I never fly off the handle. It happens. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I suppose) it happens more at home than it does in public, but I often laugh at myself after yelling at the kids or telling my husband to go to hell. I laugh mainly because no one on this God-given earth knows how in the hell to take me seriously.


Laughter helps me to make it through the doldrums of the every day. It helps me to put life into perspective. It helps me in my work, in my home life, in my novel, with my OCD (obsessively and compulsively delusional... (self diagnosed) and mainly when I begin to hysterically laugh at extremely inappropriate times.


It's so important and necessary to let the small things go (really, who cares if a coworker doesn't CC you on an email?), realize the possible reality (she could have a major crisis going on in her personal life) and remember to laugh really, really loud... and mean it!


Just Let it Go, Love & Laugh. It's THAT Easy!