My Own Worst Enemy

At this very moment I should be in bed. It's 12:31am and, once again, I will be waking up tired tomorrow. Okay, I'm tired whether I have had 4 hours of sleep, or 10. I just love sleep. It makes me happy.... along with fancy coffee, flip-flops (or slip-slops as my Abbi calls them), Denis Leary and my family & friends, not in that order.

I have come to the realization that I am my own worst enemy. I will often tell a resident at work how pretty she looks, or how nice he looks in his new shirt. I often get the replies, "Oh, I'm so old... I'm not pretty", and they shrug me off with a chuckle. I always tell them that they are their own worst critic. WOW, I've never put MYSELF in that position before. Sure, I receive compliments now and again, but do I accept them with a simple "thank you" and move on throughout my day, a little spark in my step from their nice words? Hell No! I pick it apart, and wonder if they were just sucking up... to the point where I don't even enjoy it. Huh... I guess I should practice what I preach...

I am genuinely a nice person. When I tell someone they look nice, I mean it. As I've mentioned before, I see the good in people. The bad sneaks in every now & then, but that is just being realistic. I often wonder what people truly think of me? I won the award for the "Happiest Employee" at work last year. I wonder if that's how people see me... as "happy"? Most generally I am. I like to think people believe I have a kind spirit, and I'm fun-loving and easy to talk to. I like to think that my less-than-perfect physical attributes (I'm quite pale and practically blind) are less seen because of my sparkling personality.

The problem is... I may be able to figure out what others truly think if I allow them to think it... to me. If I stop pushing the kind words aside, and take them to heart. If I let the nice things people say get to me as much as the mean things they do and say, I'd be a new woman! Why is it we remember the bad remarks so much more easily than the good? Why are we honestly our own worst enemies, our own worst critics?

I may not receive a compliment tomorrow... but if I do, I'm going to take it to heart. I'll let it put a smile on my face, and an extra spark in that step. I may even say "thank you" without laughing or shaking my head.

I have learned something today... I need to allow people to like me... in order to like myself. I am a good person, and I'm going to let the world see it. And those who don't? Well, they have issues of their own, so they need not worry about mine.

Don't be your own worst critic or enemy... join me and mean it! You are wonderful, and so am I!

To My Blog...

Okay, I'm gonna be completely honest here... I've been avoiding you. I'm sorry, blog, if I've hurt your feelings. Quite frankly, it annoys me that over the past 3 months, only 175 people have visited you, probably half of those visitors being me. I love you. I do. I find myself thinking about you often. I continue to read other blogs. I resume my quest for writing greatness, but I need your help!

Blog, I need you to get the word out. I need you to glitter and shine... sparkle and twinkle. I'm not yelling at you. I'm just saying I need you to step it up a bit. I'm prepared to step it up. You had better get on the stick, too!

You see, I've been having some health issues, and I have been sugar-coating things, huddled in my cozy corner of blissful denial, only I'm finding it's not quite so blissful anymore.

I'm reaching out to friends more than ever. I am learning who my true friends are, and allowing myself to realize that just because someone laughs with me and we click on a personal level, I can't always reach out to them and trust them. Some people are unable to truly care for other people. Some people are too wrapped up in their own desolation. I am now realizing that it takes a truly special individual to care on the level some of my friends care for me on. They have proven that to me over this past week.

As I continue this journey, I will continue it with you, Blog. I had an overwhelming urge to share with you today... to sit together and be together, and I will continue to sit and share with you. I'm sorry I have been avoiding you. I love you Blog. Now get a grip, quit slobbering all over yourself, share my words & get a grip... this is NOT the end of the world!