Sweet Emotion...

It occurred to me early how much I listen to music. I've blogged about music before... it's truly a big part of my life.

I grew up listening to all types of music. Dad played the guitar and harmonica very well (and still does), and we would camp, sit around the fire and sing. "Country Roads" is one I remember, and he sang the Eagles too, though he butchered some of the lyrics beyond belief. Back then we didn't realize that, now we do. :)

I remember leaving my bedroom door open so Mom & Dad could hear me singing upstairs in my bedroom. I'd belt out just about any song. I loved it. Occasionally Dad would yell up to be "Go Kellbird" and I'd resume my singing, a little bit embarrassed and a lot louder!

I learned to appreciate music very young... one of my favorite Summer pastimes was taking my pink boombox outside with my Starship and Air Supply cassettes and swinging and singing for hours. Oh memories...

When the twins were born, the staff provided us with a wonderful lullaby CD at St. Ann's Hospital. Since that first day, the babies have had music playing while they sleep. It used to be classical, but as of late, Aiden is not amused with 'songs without words', so we've ?upgraded? to a station that plays a bit of everything.

Aiden's current song: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Abbi's current song: Love Story by Taylor Swift (Lord help me! I'm so sick of that damn song!)

As you know from previous posts, I love Gavin DeGraw. His songs just fit my personality, and I listen to him without ever tiring of his voice. There are many artists I can't get enough of. He's on the top of that list. :)

I've been REALLY into my music lately, listening to new songs, and realizing that there is truly a song for every situation, mood and feeling. For instance, right now I am listening to the very sexy song "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. Oooh Lala!

While tomorrow has "Manic Monday" written all over it, I refuse to have a "Bad Day" and enjoy some happy tunes to get me through the day! If my lovely assistant asks me to suffer through her country collection, I will happily oblige her, all the while wishing I could shove a nail through my skull. I'm really not a country person... I like all types of music, but I seriously don't need to hear about your sexy tractor, your old pick-up truck and your dead dog. Sure, that's real life, but I'd much rather hear about the possibilities of a beautiful ending with better music and no twang ;)

Some of my favorite lines:

"You bleed just to know you're alive" -Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"

"Let me do what I want to do, all I wanna do is make love to you" -Gavin DeGraw "Let's Get It On" (yeah, it's a remake, but I like his version better, so screw off! ;)

"You'll hear the music fill the air, I'll put a flower in your hair" -Jason Mraz "Lucky"

"I wanna get lost with you. I wanna forget where I came from" -Gavin DeGraw "Get Lost"

"Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends" -Plain White T's "I Love You"

"Steal some covers, share some skin" -Maroon 5 "Sunday Morning"

"Our friends would all make fun of us, and we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way" -Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah"

"By the time that we get through, the world will never be the same" -Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah"

"We're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl, year after year" -Pink Floyd "Wish You Were Here"

"Discovering me discovering you" -John Mayer "Your Body is a Wonderland"

"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes" -Katy Perry "Hot & Cold"

"Stand by me. Nobody knows the way it's gonna be" -Oasis "Stand By Me"

And in true Kelly-fashion:
"My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch. He tells me every day. He says "Man I really gotta lose my chick in the worst kinda way" -The Offspring "Get a Job"

"Give it up to me. Give it up to me. Do you wanna be my angel?" -Toadies "Possum Kingdom"

More to come... I'm not done... but my brain is for the night...

Til next time,
Kell ;)

Quickies in a Dream State...

Sunday nights are bittersweet. I'm sitting here, deciding whether to go to bed with my ever-available Nicholas Sparks, or watch Desperate Housewives. I really don't want to go to sleep. If I do, that means the weekend is over, and it's back to my simply chaotic life. If I don't, I'll wake up tired and groggy in the morning, wishing I had opted for a quickie with Nicholas, and then turned out the light, escaping to my vividly romantic dreamland. In all honesty, I rarely remember my dreams, but I know they are vivid from the few I have remembered.

A few years ago I had a dream that Eminem took full advantage of me, just like the hot French guy who took advantage of Diane Lane, in the steamy bathroom scene in Unfaithful. Although I had never thought of Eminem as hot, he became a short-term crush, solely based on his seemingly perfect bathroom love-making skills. I told my husband about it. He found it to be hilarious. Even now, if Eminem ever comes up in conversation, which very seldom happens, I see amusement in his eyes. It's been a while since the rapper has come up, but I'm sure I'll never live it down. My crush has long subsided.

I think it's incredible how our imaginations work when we're not even aware of it. I once bought a dream journal. I had good intentions to leave it by my bedside, and after a dream, I would open the book, scribble my dream details, and then look in the back to see how I should interpret them. I didn't even think about the fact that I am so muzzy when I wake up, there is no way I would take the time to write in a damn dream journal. I'd rather sleep. Jeez! What was I thinking? It sounded like a good thing to do at the time...

I do think it would be neat to have a compilation of all the dreams I've had, whether I've remembered them at some point or not. Maybe when I get to Heaven one day, I'll ask for the DVD. Actually, that surveillance alone may send me directly to the subterranean vault. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut, and hope that God doesn't judge us on our subconscious thoughts.

Alright... I'm off to have that quickie now...

Quote of the Day: “Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”

Mother's Day: Damn It

It's Mother's Day! It's 2:21pm, I'm still in my pajamas (heaven!) and my kids are quietly watching a show (Powerpuff Girls... ugh) before naptime. In all honesty, we all still have our PJ's on. I decided this morning not to do anything today except relax, read, enjoy the babies and do whatever came to mind that did not involve work, other than the necessary diaper-changing for our 2-year old. Since then, I've loaded the washing machine 4 times, the dryer 3 times, I've cooked lunch & I've unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I'm sitting here sweating from helping the kids pick up their toys (in conjunction with a very hot house) and I wouldn't have it any other way...

When I became a Mother, I realized how incredibly huge my heart could stretch! I remember the first time I heard each of the babies cry... Abbi and Aiden 4 minutes apart, and Logan exactly 2 years to the day later. There is nothing like those memories. They say never to let your memories be greater than your dreams. I believe that, but I also believe that such memories can never, ever be surpassed.

That brings me to my Quote of the Day:
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

I interpret this quote two ways, and I believe that both are true. Firstly, I believe that it is meant in a literal sense. If we believe it's cool, we automatically grab a jacket, a sweater, etc for our kiddos. Depending on the Mom's OCD level, she may also grab earmuffs, a scarf and snow boots. Hey, it's March, but you never know... it could go from the 60's to snow in 0-60 seconds. I happen to be in Ohio, where this is not far-fetched whatsoever.

I often help the kids get dressed and ready to go, check myself in the mirror by the door (I placed it there intentionally) and realize I forgot to fix my hair. Even more often, I start to walk out the door, only to realize I haven't put on my own shoes. It makes me laugh thinking about it. And a coat or jacket? Forget about it! Rarely do I leave the house in layers. But the kids... that's a completely different story. They are layered up like little onions... Once again, I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

I also interpret the fabulous quote of the day... here's a reminder... Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce to mean we struggle to protect our children. I, like most Moms I know, do not want their children to hurt... ever. We don't accept that other children are 'just mean'... that does not make it acceptable that they are mean to OUR kids! When we hear a story about a child being beaten, or worse, we automatically put ourselves in the position of the parent, and cannot imagine the deep pain they are feeling. We just want to protect them.

Before our babies were born, I never understood unconditional love fully. In an instant, one single solitary moment, we are taught so much. The more children we have, the more our hearts expand. It is absolutely accurate that we don't have to divide our love between our children... our hearts just swell more and more... and enable us to love each child more and more, unconditionally.

I must close this entry by telling you that my 4-year old daughter said, "damn-it" for the first time today. Although I do drop the occasional 'bad' word (see nearly all previous blog posts.. lol), Joel & I are very careful not to drop those words in front of the kids. Today I realized they are going to hear and learn these words one way or another... it made me a little sad when she said it, but it made me laugh, too... many more bad words to come, I'm sure. My heart will continue to swell, and to hurt, more & more...

Motherhood is so achingly sweet.

Hope

Today has been a long day & emotional day. I have been at the hospital with my best friend, and I do not have an ounce of energy left to write a fun or fancy blog post tonight. Instead, I will share this quote of the day. I believe it speaks for itself:

Hope is not a dream, but a way of making dreams a reality.

Bad Dreams, Hot Dreams, Daydreams & Never-ending Dreams...

I started thinking about dreams tonight. I sometimes have dreams so vivid, I wake up in a sweat, thinking they were true! If I have a really good dream ;) I often think of it throughout the day, proving the fact that women think about sex just as much as men do!

I fell asleep at 8pm tonight. I just couldn't make it to bed, so I slept on the couch... all kinked up and uncomfortable, but it was much easier than starting my bedtime ritual (read recent posts for details on this topic). I just ignored it all and went to sleep... nice, distressing, awkward couch sleep.

I woke at 11pm in a daze. I dreamt that I screamed at one of my friends... I screamed at her to the point we would never be friends again. It was real. It felt real. It took me a good 20 minutes to focus enough to realize it really wasn't real. What a dream! And before 11pm, too! I wanted to call my buddy to make sure we truly were still friends. But I didn't. I know now that I will be able to tell her the full, over-the-top story tomorrow and we'll get a good laugh out of it. But tonight it's real.

When I was little I had a recurring dream. I dreamt over and over that my sister and I were playing out in the front yard. Sis was swinging and I was doing cartwheels (God, I loved cartwheels!), and this man in a station wagon (a woody) would pull up and kidnap us. It was a very vivid, chilling dream. I bet I dreamt that same dream 30 times as a child. I never looked into my dream dictionary to see what it meant. By the time I got a dictionary I was onto a new, equally frightening recurring dream...

As a teenager I would dream that I was on a freeway... a never-ending freeway. There were 2 lanes, one going in each direction with a partition. There were no exits. There were absolutely no opportunities to stop. You were forced to drive forever... forever and ever... I still think about that dream occasionally when I'm on a freeway. Thank God for exit ramps and rest stops! They were nowhere to be found in my nightmare. That's a better word for these bad dreams.

I don't normally have recurring dreams anymore. I daydream a lot. I have huge goals... goals I think of frequently and with great expectation. I like to think I've replaced the good with the bad. I've heard several times that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I tend to agree... although some days I believe it much more than others.

So, I just looked up my recurring childhood and teenhood dreams. Being kidnapped/abducted means you are in fear of something... losing your most familiar surroundings or something close to you. That makes sense. I'm a worrier.

My never-ending road dream signifies anxiety related to "my path"... that also makes sense. I've never been 100% sure of myself or my course. Maybe it's a good sign I don't have that dream anymore!

Driving dreams also suggest a pattern in your sex-life! WOW! I won't comment on that, but WOW! That's a lot of never ending love!

Dreams can affect us in so many ways. Nightmares may stick with us throughout the day, and have an impact on everything we do that day, only to be forgotten the following day. Sweet dreams may put a spark in our step and a smile on our faces for hours or even days! Daydreams can push us forward or hold us back, depending on the subject matter. Ex. Daydreaming you are going to have wild, passionate wall sex with a famous actor may hold you back... but daydreaming about the same type of wall sex with your significant other can push your sex-life to a whole new level!

I think dreams are amazing. They are like little movies in our minds. Some are rated G, family-friendly and generally clean. Some may be PG... there may be some innuendos, but no full-blown bad language or butts hanging out. Many may be rated PG-13, (these days) you may see a butt or a boob. Bunches may be rated R, depending on how dirty-minded you are. Some may be rated NC-17, just like my website.... and I won't go on, but you get my drift...

I will continue to dream... I'm sure of it. Without the dream that I may become an author, I would have never started a blog. Without the dream that I would be able to have children, I truly believe I'd be kidless. Dreams matter... big and small. I choose to dream big!

Kelly:0)

Confession: I sometimes feel like Izzy Stevens when I blog. LOL!

Polishing-Up

I painted nails today... lots of nails. If you were to add all of the individual nails I painted, the total would add up to well over a hundred. Many ladies now have very pretty fingernails for Easter. It's amazing how a little coat of paint can bring such huge smiles... and wonderful stories!

I remember my great-grandmothers fairly well. Great Grandma Walker never let us leave her house empty-handed. She was always armed with those little cups of ice cream and other little treats. Plus she always gave dollar bills. I remember how sweet she was. She was very loving and giving.

I also remember my Great Grandma Timson. She was a hoot! She loved shoes. She kept them in the boxes. I've always thought that it's quite odd to leave shoes in their boxes. It's similar to stuffing clothing into the bottoms of drawers you rarely open. You forget about them. Not to mention the fact that if your shoes are lined up in front of you, it's so much easier to choose a pair to go perfectly with your outfit for the day. I don't get it. Obviously Great Grandma did, but I don't.

I also remember Great Grandma Timson, Grandma Pat, Mom, Tara and I going to the jewelry store to have jewelry appraised, and going to Mansfield to shop. I always thought having jewelry appraised was strange, too. The jewelry items being appraised were obviously important to my grandmas. If they had no intention of selling them, why did it really matter how much they were worth? i never quite understood. I still don't.

Today while I was painting nails, I thought of my grandmas. I remember their funny little rituals. Grandma Timson liked to shop, shop, shop, and then return everything she bought! I wonder now if it was buyer's remorse, or if she had OCD. I imagine that was the case. If so, I know who to blame for my quirky rituals. Thanks Grandma.

I heard so many stories today. I truly enjoyed the time I spent with each of the ladies. One lady confided that she had never had her nails painted before coming to the nursing home. Another lady told me how beautiful her nails were "for such an old woman." The women who are blessed enough to go out with family for Easter services told me they feel prettier with their nails polished. It's very sweet how such a small act makes them so extremely happy.

While I was filing and painting, I realized that almost all of the women asked about my family, and how I was doing personally. One of the women even asked me how the economy was affecting our family. I was amazed how interested they were... in my life!

I realized today that the generations of people ahead of us truly care about other people. They don't anxiously wait for us to finish our stories so they can one-up us, or reply with a story of their own. They just honestly enjoy listening.

I'm guilty of jumping in on occasion. I love telling stories. I have even been known to interrupt people. How rude I've been!

I decided today that I will no longer wait my turn while someone is confiding in me or telling me a story. I will just sit back and listen, enjoying the fact that they care enough about me to share with me.

I really think that the younger population is very self-centered. Feel free to send hate mail... I realize that I'm generalizing. There are some really good younger people out there... people that care about others, and don't focus on boosting their self-esteem and crowd appeal by over-exaggerating their own life stories. There are wonderful people who don't put others down to make themselves appear superior. I just don't believe it's the majority.

I am vowing to be one of those few good people. I want to one day be remembered for how much I cared for others... not for my amped-up tales. I want to be like those ladies with polished nails. They have taught me to listen, learn and give. Taking is so overrated. I want my kids and grandkids to not only remember my crazy antics one day (although I hope they do), but also my giving spirit. That is my wish.

Sometimes we all need a little polish.

Sunlight

It never ceases to amaze me how life's decisions and events can send us plunging into pure darkness, and within a mere twenty-four hours can fling us right back into contentment. I think the key is figuring out how to live in the comfort without allowing ourselves to worry about the next plunge.

The other night when I was typing my latest blog entry, I felt like I had fallen into a well. I honestly felt like I had tumbled into a deep, dark hole, and I just knew I was going to have to force my way back up. I imagined it taking weeks or months. At the time I didn't feel like I was being melodramatic. Looking back I still don't feel that I was. I was feeling such an intense sadness and uncertainty, I didn't know how to inch back up my self-made well into sunlight again.

Rather than creeping my way up little by little, God threw me a ladder.

It's unreasonable to think that we will never, ever think of the life we a) left behind or b) never experienced. It's interesting though that so many people are living that life, and wishing for their own contentment. It's amazing when you realize how many people would find their own perfect paradise living within the realm of your existence.

Sometimes the finest circumstances comes to us by accident. A lot of the time it's what we already possess, and not what we dream of that leads us to true happiness and contentment.