My thank you note to Aunt Nola for my beautiful birthday gift:
Dear Aunt Nola,
I wish to express my sincere gratitude for the lovely rooster maple syrup dispenser you blessed me with for my birthday this year. I apologize for the delay in thanking you properly. I have been so unbelievably busy contemplating where to situate the lovely rooster, I haven't found time for much else.
I have finally come to the conclusion that the best placement for the beloved fowl will be in our completely jam-packed storage unit. There, we can guarantee the cock's safety, all boxed up with the various other 'collectibles' we will never, ever have any bit of use for.
What were you thinking? I hate roosters! I don't enjoy any type of capon.
Aunt Nola, I do appreciate the sentiment, but next time, just send me money. I know you're loaded. A $100 bill would suit me just fine.
And, by the way, maple syrup can be purchased in it's very own disposable container right at the grocery store nowadays! Why pour it into an ugly ceramic bird of sorts, when you can just pour it from the container it comes in, right onto your pancakes?
Things have changed a lot over the last 90 years! I'm surprised you could still order out of that JC Penney catalog you ordered our gifts from when we were children.
Your Grateful Niece,
PS: I have enclosed the latest edition of the JC Penney Catalog for your viewing pleasure.