It's Amazing How Something Flat Can Make Life So Bumpy

Do you realize how difficult it is to keep a straight-face in a professional meeting when you know that, sitting out in the parking lot, your car looks like this? That the main event of the work day is people asking what the hell happened to your car? It's quite hard.

I started my day yesterday on quite a bright note. After working my 7 hours and 15 minutes, or whatever we're cut back to right now, I was outta there for 9 full blissfully work-free days! Even through the torrential downpour, I smiled on my way to work, thinking of how clean my house would magically become over the next week and two days. I daydreamed of sitting in a blow-up boat on the lake, sipping something fruity through one of those itty bitty stirrer straws, and being in the front-row at the Gavin DeGraw concert, he'd wink at me, then pull me up on-stage with him to sing a beautiful duet.

I daydream like this a lot... especially in the car... if people look in my window while driving down the highway, they probably wonder if I just got laid. I'm quite smiley anyway, but in the car, it seems that my imagination takes over. I'm either at the beach, in bed with Denis Leary or sitting in my beautiful mansion, telling Esther to get my sleeping mask & my flask.

Well, my daydream was rudely interrupted yesterday morning when I realized I had a 'flat' tire... or something like that...

Almost to my exit ramp, I felt a thump... thumpity thump... then I realized I was driving 5mph... the car wouldn't let me drive any faster, and at this point it was no longer thumpity thump... it was bing bang bitch BOW! I truly didn't even freak out. Sure, it pissed me off that I had a flat, but I handled it very well.

I pulled off to the side of the exit ramp and called my husband. He calmly told me that since I was so close to work, I may as well drive it the rest of the way there. HA!

So I did.... bing bang bitch BOWing all the way! I drove 5mph, and what would normally take me 3-4 minutes to get to work from this point, I made it in no less than ten :)

I knew something wasn't right when I looked out the passenger side window while driving around a curve, and noticed that rubber was flapping in the wind... all the way up by the windshield. I was laughing so hysterically, I had tears in my eyes. I kept driving... the BOW became Clunkity BOW BOW Clunkity BOW BOW! I wondered if I'd make it into the parking lot. I did. YAY!

So I parked way out... where hopefully no one would notice. HA! Pretty soon, I'm sitting at my desk, trying to get organized for my last day of work, and I get a picture message from a coworker on my cell, asking me what the hell happened to my car. Along with it was a picture of my tire. I later found out that, due to previous experience, staff assumed that I was unaware of the jacked-up tire. See, I normally listen to my music so loudly in the car, while daydreaming, they must have concluded that I did not hear the thumpity thump clunkity BOW BOW clunkity BOW BOW over my thoughts & music.

The car is still sitting where it was sitting yesterday... there in the parking lot... it's amazing how many people noticed it... and scolded me for driving to work on a blown-up tire. My husband told me to people! Blame him! :)

So... as you can tell by the photo, there is now a lot more wrong with this car than a flat. I don't think we'll be patching that tire. I'm not even sure we can attach a new tire to the old hole it's supposed to fit firmly into. What I do know is, I don't really give a shit.... I'm on vacation baby!

Mother's Day: Damn It

It's Mother's Day! It's 2:21pm, I'm still in my pajamas (heaven!) and my kids are quietly watching a show (Powerpuff Girls... ugh) before naptime. In all honesty, we all still have our PJ's on. I decided this morning not to do anything today except relax, read, enjoy the babies and do whatever came to mind that did not involve work, other than the necessary diaper-changing for our 2-year old. Since then, I've loaded the washing machine 4 times, the dryer 3 times, I've cooked lunch & I've unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I'm sitting here sweating from helping the kids pick up their toys (in conjunction with a very hot house) and I wouldn't have it any other way...

When I became a Mother, I realized how incredibly huge my heart could stretch! I remember the first time I heard each of the babies cry... Abbi and Aiden 4 minutes apart, and Logan exactly 2 years to the day later. There is nothing like those memories. They say never to let your memories be greater than your dreams. I believe that, but I also believe that such memories can never, ever be surpassed.

That brings me to my Quote of the Day:
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

I interpret this quote two ways, and I believe that both are true. Firstly, I believe that it is meant in a literal sense. If we believe it's cool, we automatically grab a jacket, a sweater, etc for our kiddos. Depending on the Mom's OCD level, she may also grab earmuffs, a scarf and snow boots. Hey, it's March, but you never know... it could go from the 60's to snow in 0-60 seconds. I happen to be in Ohio, where this is not far-fetched whatsoever.

I often help the kids get dressed and ready to go, check myself in the mirror by the door (I placed it there intentionally) and realize I forgot to fix my hair. Even more often, I start to walk out the door, only to realize I haven't put on my own shoes. It makes me laugh thinking about it. And a coat or jacket? Forget about it! Rarely do I leave the house in layers. But the kids... that's a completely different story. They are layered up like little onions... Once again, I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

I also interpret the fabulous quote of the day... here's a reminder... Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce to mean we struggle to protect our children. I, like most Moms I know, do not want their children to hurt... ever. We don't accept that other children are 'just mean'... that does not make it acceptable that they are mean to OUR kids! When we hear a story about a child being beaten, or worse, we automatically put ourselves in the position of the parent, and cannot imagine the deep pain they are feeling. We just want to protect them.

Before our babies were born, I never understood unconditional love fully. In an instant, one single solitary moment, we are taught so much. The more children we have, the more our hearts expand. It is absolutely accurate that we don't have to divide our love between our children... our hearts just swell more and more... and enable us to love each child more and more, unconditionally.

I must close this entry by telling you that my 4-year old daughter said, "damn-it" for the first time today. Although I do drop the occasional 'bad' word (see nearly all previous blog posts.. lol), Joel & I are very careful not to drop those words in front of the kids. Today I realized they are going to hear and learn these words one way or another... it made me a little sad when she said it, but it made me laugh, too... many more bad words to come, I'm sure. My heart will continue to swell, and to hurt, more & more...

Motherhood is so achingly sweet.

Happily Foul Mouthed

Well, I just found out my blog is rated NC-17.

That means no children under 17 should be reading it. It made me feel a little guilty at first, because I have been known to say piss and ass right here on my apparently very adult page. I decided to let go of the guilt though... the book I'm writing also has a couple of swear words... okay, a handful...

I guess I just enjoy ruffling some feathers, and throwing in a 'bad' word every once in a while... one of the reasons older people do not watch TV anymore or read blogs or magazines... just too much swearing! Bad, bad people! I suppose I should be blocked on the computers of children 17 and under... although I do know that 17-year olds these days are more like 30-year olds. Not much is sacred anymore... I suppose I'm just following in the path of the other joyfully foul-mouthed people out there. I don't like to be a follower, but in this case, throw the book at me... I'm guilty!

The good news is that I'm not rated X, or even R (although I believe NC-17 is considered to be worse than R... hmmm). I think the Xiest thing I've ever written about is hot, steamy sex with Dr. Christian Troy, but dreams don't count... especially with extremely good-looking famous people!

I just figure my blog is to put my thoughts and feelings out there, and if I ever really get back to it, to promote my book... or the 5 chapters I have written at least. Sometimes I curse in my head, so it just comes out. I'm sorry if that offends anyone... okay, I'm not THAT sorry.

Later... :0)