Swine? What Swine? It's All About the Flamingos!

Warning: Once again, must warn you... if you are not clinically insane, or close, you should stop reading now. This message will cut down on the amount of hate mail I receive. Thank you for your time... and read on if you're one of the fun ones, like me!
About the Central Ohio Flamingo Flu: DO NOT FREAK OUT PEOPLE! Media coverage will make this a water cooler discussion leading to heart attacks and anorexia. Don't get sucked into these antics. This is a serious case, but nothing Bob the Builder and some stick-poking admission charges won't cure:

There are so many bugs floating around out there... the Plague (hey, we'll all be plagued with something eventually, right?) and now the panic-causing swine flu. It is quite scary if you hang out with people who sleep in barns with their piglet friends, or have a swine fetish. I personally am not a huge fan of pork. I do enjoy bacon on occasion. Whether on the plate, or waddling around in a field, pigs are not my friends. I feel for them with this flu... no one is thinking of the pigs' feelings and the need for pig hospitalization. It's all about the humans! Just leave the pigs out of it, why don't ya? They invented it! Give em some credit.

So, tonight I was very distraught watching our local Central Ohio news station. We are now being overtaken by the incredulous FLAMINGO FLU! That's right! When coming in contact with a Central Ohio Flamingo, you will immediately notice symptoms unlike any other. It is a horrible disease, one that we should slap the flamingos right off their foot for.

Those affected by Central Ohio Flamingo Flu have contracted this disease by having hot, steamy make out sessions with pink flamingos, and by nestling with the birds on swan lake. These voluntary acts are not advised. On the other hand, if you wish to contract Flamingo Flu, consider the two items above your instruction manual.

Symptoms of Central Ohio Flamingo Flu Include:

-Involuntarily standing with one leg in the flamingo position

-Instant craving for crustaceans

-A curvature of the neck which cannot be treated, even by the most holistic chiropractor

-A light pink tint to the skin, eventually becoming a fabulous shade of hot pink!

-Involuntarily singing Coca Cabanna at the top of your lungs, out of tune, whether you have musical ability or not

Precautions:

-Be prepared to enjoy friends and family showering you with affection, hoping to add some color to their winter white skin.

-You may never switch legs. You are in a statuesque position now.

-Your leg will constantly feel as if it is on pins and needles, and once people notice this, they will be swatting at it with sticks and switches. Pretty soon people will be paying admission to see the Pink Flamingo Flu People.

-All proceeds will go directly toward Flamingo Flu research, and my children's college tuition.

Treatment:

-There is no treatment or cure for Central Ohio Flamingo Flu. You may drink large amounts of hard liquor to mask symptoms.

There is Hope!

-If the money raised does help us to find a cure, we will put you on a mailing list. You will likely receive a response within 365 days of the cure.

Contact Information:

If you have any further questions, please contact The Central Ohio Advocates for Flamingo Flu Research. Check your local listings.

Pulling Out the Aquanet, LipSmackers and Boombox... My Tribute to the 80s & early 90s

This post is proud to be part of:


I'm sitting here tonight in my rainbow leg-warmers, eating Pop Rocks, listening to my NKOTB cassette tape and contemplating playing Twister. I'm getting ready to put on my leotard, work out to some Jane Fonda, bedazzle my pretty pink Caboodle, and then when it's all done... I'll lay down on my daybed with the satin pink ruffled bedspread and read some Judy Blume. Since my hair will get flat from laying around, I'll have to pull out my comb, tease my hair and spray it with Aquanet, only after applying Sun-In for that beachy look. After that, I'll break out my breakdance moves, while listening to my pink boombox and drinking some Tang. How enjoyable it is being in my 80s/90s timewarp!

I was born in 1979. I was a child of the 80s and early 90s. I enjoyed my scrunchies, my huge bangs, my tight-rolled jeans, my music (ie, Poison's Unskinny Bop, Def Leppard's Hysteria cassette, ALL of Debbie Gibson's music, C+C Music Factory, Tiffany's I Think We're Alone Now, Cyndi Lauper's True Colors and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, New Kids on the Block's Hangin' Tough and Please Don't Go Girl and MANY more). I also enjoyed my Lik-Em-Aid and Hubba Bubba... and who could forget nose candy... LOL... just kidding... I never went there... well, kinda...

Alright, so all joking aside, I think it's quite fun being a material girl in a material world. I DO miss my pink Caboodle with the multi-trays, all ready for my headbands, blue eyeshadow and Love's Baby Soft. The Easter bunny brought me Baby Soft for Easter this year, and you know what? I still love it! My friend Kara has also offered me her 90s Caboodle, which I plan to immediately bedazzle and fill with my crimper, my Swatch and my woven-thread friendship bracelets. All the while, I'll be watching The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, wishing I looked like Molly Ringwald and hanging out with Duckie. Wow! I can't wait...

It's so funny looking back! Before tonight and my reminiscing with old friends, I had forgotten about so many of these things! I truly did work out to Jane Fonda & Richard Simmons... Mom was always stocked up on good VHS tapes!

I remember being outside in my jellies, toting around my Strawberry Shortcake doll with the HUGE head, with my boombox turned up so loud, screaming along to "We Built this City on Rock & Roll"... such good times!

I'd ride my bike to meet my friend Amy half-way, although she always wound up riding further than me! We'd watch Johnny and Baby dance over and over again, wishing we could hold on to those muscled biceps! Yum!

I also remember Amy & I laughing so hard at one of our sleepovers that I spit grape juice all over her bedroom! I didn't think miss Judy would EVER let me come back! Amy enjoyed staying at my house anyway because of the abundance of 'fun food'... I believe I remember Amy's Mom always making me drink the milk left in my cereal bowl, which I dreaded... I still don't do that. My kids do. I am SO becoming a true parent... do as I say, and not as I do.

I wonder how the kids of this decade will reminisce... in 15 years, will iPods and Laptops be a thing of the past? Will they laugh at the fact they used to listen to Katy Perry and Gavin DeGraw? Will they giggle uncontrollably about their low-ride jeans and their thongs sticking out above them for the whole world to see... (I laugh uncontrollably about that now)! Will they blush when they think about bikini waxes and having bars put in their ears, and the holes they have left behind.

I remember when it meant that a guy was gay if he had both ears pierced, and it was cool to wear bibs with one side unfastened. I just wonder if the kids of today will look back at this era and remember it as their 'Good Old Days'...

The world seems so much more complicated now that Bonnie Bell's Lip Smackers are no longer a must-have and we don't hear Tears for Fears on the radio anymore. It's a shame really... that bangle bracelets are no longer layered up our arms and Jazzercise is not the fitness group of choice.

Oh, to sit here and remember... it's such a nostalgic feeling... I feel like a young girl getting ready to watch Fraggle Rock with my Popple and my Pound Puppies. Maybe I'll Google Pogo Balls and Roller Racers and order some pre-owned goodness. If I do, I'll invite you all over! We can play with Teddy Ruxpin and call 867-5309 together. Good times ahead friends... good times...