Saturday, June 20, 2009

It's Amazing How Something Flat Can Make Life So Bumpy

Do you realize how difficult it is to keep a straight-face in a professional meeting when you know that, sitting out in the parking lot, your car looks like this? That the main event of the work day is people asking what the hell happened to your car? It's quite hard.

I started my day yesterday on quite a bright note. After working my 7 hours and 15 minutes, or whatever we're cut back to right now, I was outta there for 9 full blissfully work-free days! Even through the torrential downpour, I smiled on my way to work, thinking of how clean my house would magically become over the next week and two days. I daydreamed of sitting in a blow-up boat on the lake, sipping something fruity through one of those itty bitty stirrer straws, and being in the front-row at the Gavin DeGraw concert, he'd wink at me, then pull me up on-stage with him to sing a beautiful duet.

I daydream like this a lot... especially in the car... if people look in my window while driving down the highway, they probably wonder if I just got laid. I'm quite smiley anyway, but in the car, it seems that my imagination takes over. I'm either at the beach, in bed with Denis Leary or sitting in my beautiful mansion, telling Esther to get my sleeping mask & my flask.

Well, my daydream was rudely interrupted yesterday morning when I realized I had a 'flat' tire... or something like that...

Almost to my exit ramp, I felt a thump... thumpity thump... then I realized I was driving 5mph... the car wouldn't let me drive any faster, and at this point it was no longer thumpity thump... it was bing bang bitch BOW! I truly didn't even freak out. Sure, it pissed me off that I had a flat, but I handled it very well.

I pulled off to the side of the exit ramp and called my husband. He calmly told me that since I was so close to work, I may as well drive it the rest of the way there. HA!

So I did.... bing bang bitch BOWing all the way! I drove 5mph, and what would normally take me 3-4 minutes to get to work from this point, I made it in no less than ten :)

I knew something wasn't right when I looked out the passenger side window while driving around a curve, and noticed that rubber was flapping in the wind... all the way up by the windshield. I was laughing so hysterically, I had tears in my eyes. I kept driving... the BOW became Clunkity BOW BOW Clunkity BOW BOW! I wondered if I'd make it into the parking lot. I did. YAY!

So I parked way out... where hopefully no one would notice. HA! Pretty soon, I'm sitting at my desk, trying to get organized for my last day of work, and I get a picture message from a coworker on my cell, asking me what the hell happened to my car. Along with it was a picture of my tire. I later found out that, due to previous experience, staff assumed that I was unaware of the jacked-up tire. See, I normally listen to my music so loudly in the car, while daydreaming, they must have concluded that I did not hear the thumpity thump clunkity BOW BOW clunkity BOW BOW over my thoughts & music.

The car is still sitting where it was sitting yesterday... there in the parking lot... it's amazing how many people noticed it... and scolded me for driving to work on a blown-up tire. My husband told me to people! Blame him! :)

So... as you can tell by the photo, there is now a lot more wrong with this car than a flat. I don't think we'll be patching that tire. I'm not even sure we can attach a new tire to the old hole it's supposed to fit firmly into. What I do know is, I don't really give a shit.... I'm on vacation baby!


  1. you're a hoot kell.. i laughed pretty hard.. and not even just at someone elses misfortunes.. course, i was on the receiving end of a fuckered up tyre myself a week or so ago, so yeh that sucks :P