Back Bumps... Cleavage From Behind...

I saw back cleavage today. I didn't realize it existed. It gave me an overwhelming urge to research the condition... was the woman I saw just carrying weight in her back, or was she blessed with two sets of funbags? I may never know...

This happened at the bank. I was in line... the window I was standing at closed, so I had to step behind people who had just walked up to the other line. It irritated me slightly, but me being me, and the fact that it was Friday made me realize that it was in fact, no big deal.

The woman I'm speaking about was facing me when I first changed lines. She was talking to her very thin friend, and they appeared to be annoyed with the bank worker. I found it slightly humorous. When the woman turned around with her back to me, my eyes grew. Those big huge puppy dog eyes I've always wished for appeared. Then they turned into saucers... I had to look away or there were going to be after-4th fireworks right there at the bank! I thought my eyes may explode. Back cleavage! Who knew?! I was amazed!

This poor lady was wearing a very tight, low-cut tank top and her back and front sides looked identical! I couldn't help but wonder if she had two butt cracks. I am not so rude as to take a picture of this... although I really wanted to! In all honesty, I was just afraid I would get caught. If there hadn't been people standing behind me, I so would've had a picture of that cleavage. I've never been into cleavage, or boobs for that matter, but back boobs are really quite amazing!

The front crack and back crack had no dissimilarities! I wondered if they made bras for this poor lady... bras that have front and back cups... and where would the bra fasten? On the sides maybe? Talk about an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder! I soon realized that it didn't really make a difference... this woman obviously didn't believe in bras at all. No bra straps to be found. I looked on in wonder...

I couldn't help but ponder if this woman would be considered a God-send among men. So many guys love boobies! Did it matter that she had bulges protruding from other areas? Guys, tell me, if you knew a woman with four tits, would you really care how the rest of her body looked? It's exactly like the butter-face scenario... "everything's hot butter face".

I've never understood the boob fascination, whether they're front boobs or rear boobs. It's amazing to me how much men love these bags of fat. Seriously! If we were carting around fat bags like that on our arms, we would be considered hideous! Is it the nipples that make the difference? If women had big fat bags hanging from their ass cheeks and they had nipples, would men find that attractive? I'm not so sure they wouldn't... the male population is obsessed with titties.

I was once involved with a leg man. I understand the leg thing. Legs are hot! But the breast thing throws me for a loop... I guess the good thing about having a boob man... we don't have to shave em. Keeping up with my stems for the ex was quite a chore! The boobs are easy. Either hide em away or flop em out & you're good to go. Men don't care... they'll take em any way they can get em.

I'm a little disappointed right now. I just looked up the definition of back cleavage on Urban Dictionary (a funny site by the way if you haven't been to visit) and this is what it says:

Back Fat: When a fat lady (particularly old), wears a swimsuit or bra that is too tight in the back and it squishes the back fat together to give the illusion that there are boobs on their back.

I did some further investigating, as I was not satisfied by the definition above. I found a photo of the beautiful Alicia Keys, who believe it or not, had back cleavage at the Grammy Awards! So even hot chicks can have back breasts! How strange!

I also found a video on YouTube with a song dedicated to back cleavage. You must see it! If you enjoy stupid humor like I do, you'll giggle and maybe even snort a bit. I did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S0oqCk6sRI

I wonder if women with back cleavage enjoy their extra pair? I wonder if the men who love them look at their back breasts longingly when they are behind them, and their frontal breasts when they are facing them.

Men, please weigh-in here and let us ladies know if you enjoy a nice pair of back boobs.
Inquiring minds want to know...

Off to look at my back in the mirror...

Ladies, be thankful for your knockers, and gentleman, be thankful you have women who are ready & willing to share their pillows with you. Yes, we are all blessed.

Come Into My Bedroom...

I love my bedroom. It is by far my very favorite room in the house. It's amazing how a box of a room can be transformed into a beautiful get-away.

Now, to the average rich bitch or the pimpin' mac daddy, my bedroom probably holds no fascination. For me, it's pure bliss. I have little treasures and trinkets... things I absolutely love & lust (see Denis Leary & Gavin DeGraw below). I'll explain in pictures... it's the easiest way! The pics are a bit grainy... they were taken with my cell phone... but I think they capture what I see when I walk into my little oasis. Enjoy!

Our bed is so comfortable, I just look at it and literally feel my eyes start to flutter, and a little bit of drool starts coming out of my mouth...
My mom introduced me to 600+ thread-count sheets a few years ago, and I'm now truly a sheet whore! I love them! I can't get enough! My birthday is December 1st... sheets please! I'll love you forever! ;)

As many of you know by now, or are about to find out, I am in absolute lust with Denis Leary. I can't help it. I look forward to Rescue Me like it's a drug, I have The Asshole Song on several of my mixed CDs, I have Denis on my desktop at work (HA! I wish... I mean my computer) and when his book Why We Suck came out last year, he was in my bed... a lot! :)
As I've mentioned before, his beautiful wife, Ann, was the author who encouraged me to start blogging. I read her blog, and fell in love with it. I still read it daily. I sent Ann an email praising her blog, and she quickly responded with nothing but encouraging words. When I do publish my book one day, Ann will be mentioned...
So, anyway, back to my bedroom... Ann Leary was sweet enough to have Denis send me an autographed picture earlier this year. I have it proudly displayed in my bedroom...
He is the cause of my one deadly sin... lust. ;)

Believe it or not, this is my wedding bouquet. I had a small bouquet at our wedding, and we had it freeze-dried and framed. It was pricey, but worth it. I think it's beautiful. And it has remained beautiful for over 10 years now. Good investment.
Th sconces hanging on each side are Home Interiors, which I purchased at a dirt-cheap yardsale for 50 cents each... I love them. I love all things dirty & cheap...

This doesn't appear to be a very interesting corner, but for me, it's my little library, among other things... You can't see the mirror above my night stand, but it's gorgeous... another yardsale find... as were the crazy flowers (they reminded me of me). I love my little book basket, or magazine rack, as most folks call them.
My Grandma Pat gave me the night table years ago. It's beautiful. I now also have the hutch that matches it, which will be a focal point in our new home. We don't have room for it at the current house. It sits in the garage, waiting patiently.
My Nicholas Sparks collection is in my little book basket, along with my lovely book "Book Lust" which is a journal for readers. Nicholas Sparks spends lots of time in my bed, too. I heart him.
I think my lamp is absolutely adorable. My scroll calendar was a Christmas present to myself last year. And my mom gave me a beautiful music box last year, which holds all of my hair thingies. :) Little hiding spaces make me happy!

Whenever someone goes on a vacation to the beach, I ask them to bring me back shells. I love shells. I love the beach. I truly don't want to have to ask anyone for anything... I'd much rather curl up in a ball and ride along in your suitcase to the beach itself.
I found some great shells in Atlantic City last November! Mom & Dad go to Myrtle Beach a lot, and they bring me back colorful shells from the gift shops. I'm not picky... but I do LOVE my starfish and my sand dollar.
As you can also see, I have a headless woman holding my necklaces. I thought it was rather strange at first, but headless chick has grown on me. I'm sure her head would be very pretty if she had one.
I can't take it anymore! I MUST talk about Gavin! The picture in the very pretty frame, is me holding on for dear life to Gavin DeGraw, and completely ignoring my husband.
Gavin is a sweetheart, and Joel is an even bigger sweetheart for putting up with my mad crushes. This picture was taken in August of 2008. I was then blonde. I now... am not. ;)

Here is a closer look at the picture of the picture of Gavin & I... and Joel. LOL
You can also see my stack of paperclips, which I tend to leave in my scrub pockets at work.
I always take them back! Jeez! Give me a freakin' break... and please keep this on the down-low :0) That's how rumors start people! Hehe...
The box below the picture & paperclip population is full of seashells from Atlantic City.
I wanna go back... right now...

I was once an Avon lady. The mirror and shadow boxes are from my Avon days. The vine going up my wall is from Uppercase Living. I absolutely love their stuff! I have a friend who sells it.
It's difficult to see in the pic, but my perfumes sit on a very pretty mirrored tray.
I really like oil warmers... I have several... and my candle, in all it's prettiness, has pink sand surrounding it. A beach with pink sand would be my dream location.. I don't even need a house... I'll just sleep on the pink sand & jump in the ocean when I start to stink... It would be lovely!

My jewelry chest is one of my most prized possessions. It's gorgeous, and I've had it for several years now. It's packed with jewelry (most of it isn't real, so no thievery please...)
The mirror is also awesome! It was an Odd Lots special years ago...
and my candles were a freebie from hosting a PartyLite party... they have the greatest incentives! I used to host a party once a year & get hundreds of dollars worth of smell-goods for next to nothing!

Last, but certainly not least, is my "Be Yourself -Everyone Else is Taken" embellishment from Uppercase Living. This is one of my favorite sayings.
I live by it. I love that it says it's okay to just be me...
Good rule to follow... cause I really can't change the facts.
Acceptance is the first step, right?

Okay, hope you enjoyed the tour...

I'm going to my room.

Over the River & Through the Woods...

Our Seemingly Normal Family :)
Read on...

This past couple of weeks has been just a trip at our house! As I previously posted, my children had a wonderful time with everything cold... the refrigerator incident... http://kellysoriginals.blogspot.com/2009/06/water-coffee-creamer-baby-carrot.html

We have also had a hotdog & Cheez-its flushed down the toilet... I'm so thankful it wasn't a braut or a steak, cause I'm not sure it would've flushed without assistance, and I sure hate having toilet water splashed up at me...

The kidlets also took a sneak peek into my purse, ate all of my 3-hour mints (they should be minty fresh for the next 5 days), made a swimming pool out of orange drink, little people & a bowl... not to mention they found my new unopened pack of gum and impacted their mouths with it.

The joys of being a Mother...

Here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks. I will add captions for the full Kelly-esque experience... I'm not adding pictures of the toilet, because that would be, well... weird...
Enjoy...

Gavin DeGraw Concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This was our 3rd Gavin concert within the past year. We were lucky enough to get front row again, which is just absoluely awesome for a blind gal like me...
I could actually see him... and grope him... and bite him... ya know, if I wanted to. ;)

I came back from my 9-day hiatus from work to a brand new computer, which I immediately decorated with Denis Leary. It's so nice to have him at the office every day! We've really bonded...

The kids & I played house. I was the baby. Abbi was the Mommy. As you can see, my sons do not like to be dressed. They like to show off their abs day in & day out... SO into themselves... ;)

Aiden being absolutely illegal. Abbigail does not like anyone in her room. Everything is very neat & tidy, and princess-y... If things are out of order, her toddler OCD kicks in & she goes through the roof.
Aiden likes it...

My friend Amy & I had a girls' night out. I was thankful. Amy chose my drink for me... a peach Sangria. It was a little piece of heaven.

I'm adding this photo because I know my husband reads my blog, and he likes boobies.

My wild babies before the 4th of July Party. This was the day of the Cheez-It incident AND the gum/mint incident.

The party we went to was just absolutely awesome! They had a pond with a little beach for the kids to play on & Mommy's to relax on. In my mind, I was on the beach... sunning in a lounge chair (no sun that day), enjoying the sand (most-likely bought at Walmart), having hunky waiters bringing me fruity drinks (my Diet Coke tasted better than ever!).

We took a walk down to the river through the woods at the party. That reminds me of a song...
Anyway, Logan was taking in all of the wild life, mosquitos, scenery, etc.

At the party, we also played Cornhole (that sounds SO Ohio!, bounced in the blow-up 'castle', jumped on the trampoline and when we got home, we enjoyed the Prospect fireworks right from our front yard.

Ups & downs, and ins and outs... it has really been a great past couple of weeks!
It just took me typing it all out to realize it.
:) -Kelly

Shrinking :)

A while back I mentioned the fancy vitamins I've been taking. I had been wanting to lose some weight & was feeling extremely lethargic. I was absolutely tired of being tired! I would come home from work exhausted, with no energy to play with my babies or my husband. ;)

While my hectic schedule had a lot to do with it, I knew my diet needed attention, I needed to start exercising and taking my vitamins again. Then I met an AdvoCare distributor and started using their products.

Within a week I was absolutely hooked! Not hooked like you get hooked on drugs. :) I was hooked in the best way possible! I had an immediate increase in energy, and I started dropping weight instantly. Within the first 4 weeks I lost over 16lbs and my motivation sky-rocketed. For the first time in a long time, I truly started to believe in myself! I knew that with the amount of success I had already seen, I could continue to find the courage and motivation to continue a healthy lifestyle... something I sometimes lack.

I started faithfully taking my vitamins, exercising more consistently and eating right, with a few splurges along the way. :)

As excited as I am with my short-term success, I know the long-term effects will be amazing! I'm so anxious to run again! I used to run like a crazy woman pre-babies. I want that back!

As you all know, I normally throw my slap-happy humor into nearly every blog post. I really wanted to tell you about AdvoCare today!

Check out the website: https://www.advocare.com/09064465/default.aspx
You can help me earn a little money :)
I recommend the MNS for appetite control if you have weight to lose. You can also check out the MNS for energy. And if you need instant energy, the SLAM is awesome!

Alright, no more sales calls ;) I just had to let my readers know! I'm stoked!
Let me know if you have any questions.

-Kelly :)

The Conversationalist

My favorite subject in school was English. I loved it. I bought Cliff's Notes just like the next kid, but I loved writing, and if it was my choice of reading material, I loved that, too. My friends often asked me to 'help' them write their papers. My friend Amy once told me I could bullshit my way through any subject. She was right.

I know now that life is very much made up of conversations... words. If it were not for words, we would just be thrusting our bodies around to attract the opposite sex, and beating people up to get a point across. Words can be beautiful... they can be manipulative... they can be sweet, and they can be evil.

Math was always my downfall. I hated it. I still do! Admittedly, I count on my fingers when I'm playing Yahtzee. I carry the one, count like a child and often cannot remember "simple" multiplication... I simply don't like it.

To me, English (or your language of choice) is so much more relevant. While we have dictionaries and thesauruses (which I LOVE by the way), much of our individuality has to do with our words, the way we use them and our knowledge, which would not be properly expressed without conversation.

There is no uniqueness in numbers. I understand why people are fascinated by them. I once knew a man who could multiply 1,549.268790385 by 3,453,209.44123430 in his head! He amazed me! Honestly, I thought he was odd, but I'm sure numbers people see us language people as equally as odd. I get that.

I've started journal after journal over the years. I've always had a love for terminology, expressions, grammar and the pure amusement of words.

I absolutely love it when someone says a word that is not spoken on a day to day basis. I like to throw "hiatus", "nonchalant", "passive", "mediocre", "dung" and other random words into sentences. It's not that they're difficult words... they just aren't used as often as "poop", "vacation", "quiet" and "okay"... see what I mean? Boring compared to BAZOW! I like to be that BAZOW girl! One thing I never, ever want to be called... BORING! That is worse than a slap in the face!

So, while the math nuts hang out, crunch numbers and don't spend money on huge desk-size calculators, I will enjoy my fascinating, and often foul-mouthed vocabulary, while I count on my fingers & use my calculator to multiple 4X12.

Often, it's the words we use that make us the person we are.

Well, dung!

Quietly Confident

I have a pet peeve. I can't stand it when people talk about how they have the most beautiful face in the world, the cutest hair, the prettiest smile they've ever seen or the cutest toenails. I'm all about affirmations, but I'm more about common courtesy. When you say you have guys falling at your feet, and you look so damn hot, you are... quite honestly... losing respect every time you open your mouth.

I'm not one to complain about these things normally, but enough is enough. I've seen it more and more lately. To me, the most attractive people in the world are those who are quietly confident. They walk with their heads held high, radiate a fabulously beautiful glow and make you want to be part of THAT confident crowd... not the crowd that talks about how their ass looks so hot in their new jeans or their new thong is so sweet and adorable. UGH! Most of us quietly confident folks DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!

I am NOT a quiet person, but I am quite confident.

That brings me to one of my favorite quotes, written by... me!

Quote: Have you ever noticed that the most attractive people can open their mouths & ruin the whole damn thing?

There is a lot to be said for quiet confidence. You will NEVER hear me say how hot my girls look in a bikini top (though it is my dream to be toned enough to wear one!). I'm not judging the people who do build themselves up. I'm just telling ya sometimes your build up feels like a put-down to others.

Suck it in, stick em out, bat those eyes and sigh... I know... You Are It! Ugh!

Water, Coffee Creamer, Baby Carrot, Parmesan, Chocolate Sundae Anyone?

I'm used to my heathens. Like all kids, my children throw tantrums (yeah, don't tell me yours don't), smile wickedly when one of the other children gets in trouble... and their favorite thing to do? Play with things that are off-limits.

When they were little, the babies would open a gift (well, actually, we would open it for them, because they were born with ADD), and play with the box and/or eat the wrapping paper. No! They didn't swallow it. Sheesh! Give me some credit here.. I just let them gnaw on it a little. But they have always been more amused with household objects and packaging than an actual toy. That's just how they are. Give them a cardboard box, and some bubble wrap, and they're occupied for hours on end!

So, today is the last day of my 9-day hiatus from work. I laid the kids down for their nap earlier, and rather than tweeting, facebooking or emailing, I decided just to take a nap. The house is pretty much clean, I had chatted the hell outta my facebook and twitter friends, consciously decided to not do the work I brought home 9 days ago, and allowed myself to just veg. Aww... the couch...

I fell asleep quickly and woke up, what seemed like minutes later (it was actually 2.5 hours later) to Aiden yelling at me. I wasn't comprehending what he was saying. I'm normally a light sleeper, so those damn children must have tip-toed and whispered to do the damage I was about to see..

I heard Aiden yell at Joel. See, Aiden calls Joel, well.. Joel. He doesn't call him Daddy anymore. We think it's funny so we don't correct him (yeah, feel free to comment on our parenting skills. I can take ya. ;) Anyway, I heard him yell, "Joel, you can sleep longer if you want to, but Logan made a HUGE MESS!", and then I heard a door slam. Aiden was furious! I started laughing. He sounded like a miniature version of his mother & father combined.

So, I finally comprehended the twins telling me that Logan had made a "huge mess". I stumbled out to the play room/sun porch and about died! Then I started laughing like a full-on lunatic! ALL, and I mean ALL of the condiments (and many other refrigerated items) were sitting there. On the backboard of the basketball hoop, which they had placed on the floor, was a whipped up concoction of baby carrots, 10-12 bottles worth of water (we had NO water left in the fridge at all), hazelnut creamer (that kinda pissed me off, cause that's my favorite), Parmesan cheese and chocolate sundae syrup. See picture above.

Surrounding this lovely brew were emptied water bottles, ketchup, pickles and other various items which are off-limits, unless we are actually, well.. eating.

We decided the best punishment for such a sickening mess would be to make the children clean it up! The carrots were extremely slimy and gross, so this punishment did wonders! One by one, they carried carrots into the house. Aiden grabbed a jar of spaghetti sauce at one point, looked at me desperately and said, "Mommy, can you carry this? It's way too heavy for my little boy hands"... I laughed hysterically. He didn't find this funny at all. Someone had the strength to traipse out to the porch with the spaghetti sauce, so that person could obviously carry it back to it's home. He walked to the fridge like he was carrying a big box of horse dung, not a little sauce jar.

Aiden's comments left me startled. I was so amused, it was impossible for me to keep a straight face. Joel did the disciplinarian thing. He laughed in between, but unlike me, he was very careful not to let the kids see his amusement. I don't have that kind of control. And I certainly wasn't leaving! This was free entertainment!

Aiden screamed at Logan, "this is SO terrible. I'm SO disappointed!".. HA! As if he hadn't had a thing to do with it! So, we finally concurred that all three children played a part in this very organized, hilarious condiment scheme.

I couldn't help but spring some tears, and maybe a bit of pee, when Joel opened the window on the porch, and just threw the whole damn backboard outside... after the kids had cleaned it up. Joel doesn't get rattled very often, so this whole scene was extremely funny. The kids looked shocked. I know what they were thinking... "why did we just clean that up if JOEL was just gonna throw it outside?"... hehehehehehehehehe!

I asked Aiden why they did it... "cause it was fun Mommy"... and did you have fun cleaning it up? "Yes Mommy, I did"... wicked laughs! I couldn't take it! Joel says, "so, since you enjoyed making the mess and the cleaning up, will you enjoy the spanking you all are going to get?" Aiden: "No, but I won't cry"... Joel: "Oh yeah?" Aiden: "Yeah, cause you won't spank my butt, you can just smack my hand JOEL, Ok?" I couldn't hold it together at all.

Aiden looked over at me finally and said, "Mommy, I guess you're gonna have to go to the store and get some more of that cream for your coffee and water. I guess we can't eat tonight." Please remember, Abbi & Aiden are 4.5... they are twins... they are GOING to get into trouble. You know that saying, "what one doesn't think of, the other one will?" Well, it's amazingly true people! Logan, who is 2.5 is the tag-along. And the blamee. He doesn't talk much, so if the twins do something and they know it isn't right, Logan did it. They're learning... that we are a very smart Mommy & JOEL... not Daddy. Hehehehe!

Abbi sat on the couch pursing her lips, wanting a kiss. I laughed. Logan sat there holding his little tiny ass. I laughed. Aiden told JOEL he was sorry... I laughed. The kids were spanked. I didn't laugh, but I did as soon as they were done crying.

It was a fabulously entertaining evening here! No treats though. That broke their hearts more than the spankings. Aiden apologized several times tonight. He was very worried about the lack of water in the house. Little does he know we have faucets. He was also concerned about my morning coffee. I'm concerned too.

Tonight was, by far, the worst and the funniest event of my kiddos' lives. I'm glad it happened. I needed a laugh.