Back Bumps... Cleavage From Behind...

I saw back cleavage today. I didn't realize it existed. It gave me an overwhelming urge to research the condition... was the woman I saw just carrying weight in her back, or was she blessed with two sets of funbags? I may never know...

This happened at the bank. I was in line... the window I was standing at closed, so I had to step behind people who had just walked up to the other line. It irritated me slightly, but me being me, and the fact that it was Friday made me realize that it was in fact, no big deal.

The woman I'm speaking about was facing me when I first changed lines. She was talking to her very thin friend, and they appeared to be annoyed with the bank worker. I found it slightly humorous. When the woman turned around with her back to me, my eyes grew. Those big huge puppy dog eyes I've always wished for appeared. Then they turned into saucers... I had to look away or there were going to be after-4th fireworks right there at the bank! I thought my eyes may explode. Back cleavage! Who knew?! I was amazed!

This poor lady was wearing a very tight, low-cut tank top and her back and front sides looked identical! I couldn't help but wonder if she had two butt cracks. I am not so rude as to take a picture of this... although I really wanted to! In all honesty, I was just afraid I would get caught. If there hadn't been people standing behind me, I so would've had a picture of that cleavage. I've never been into cleavage, or boobs for that matter, but back boobs are really quite amazing!

The front crack and back crack had no dissimilarities! I wondered if they made bras for this poor lady... bras that have front and back cups... and where would the bra fasten? On the sides maybe? Talk about an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder! I soon realized that it didn't really make a difference... this woman obviously didn't believe in bras at all. No bra straps to be found. I looked on in wonder...

I couldn't help but ponder if this woman would be considered a God-send among men. So many guys love boobies! Did it matter that she had bulges protruding from other areas? Guys, tell me, if you knew a woman with four tits, would you really care how the rest of her body looked? It's exactly like the butter-face scenario... "everything's hot butter face".

I've never understood the boob fascination, whether they're front boobs or rear boobs. It's amazing to me how much men love these bags of fat. Seriously! If we were carting around fat bags like that on our arms, we would be considered hideous! Is it the nipples that make the difference? If women had big fat bags hanging from their ass cheeks and they had nipples, would men find that attractive? I'm not so sure they wouldn't... the male population is obsessed with titties.

I was once involved with a leg man. I understand the leg thing. Legs are hot! But the breast thing throws me for a loop... I guess the good thing about having a boob man... we don't have to shave em. Keeping up with my stems for the ex was quite a chore! The boobs are easy. Either hide em away or flop em out & you're good to go. Men don't care... they'll take em any way they can get em.

I'm a little disappointed right now. I just looked up the definition of back cleavage on Urban Dictionary (a funny site by the way if you haven't been to visit) and this is what it says:

Back Fat: When a fat lady (particularly old), wears a swimsuit or bra that is too tight in the back and it squishes the back fat together to give the illusion that there are boobs on their back.

I did some further investigating, as I was not satisfied by the definition above. I found a photo of the beautiful Alicia Keys, who believe it or not, had back cleavage at the Grammy Awards! So even hot chicks can have back breasts! How strange!

I also found a video on YouTube with a song dedicated to back cleavage. You must see it! If you enjoy stupid humor like I do, you'll giggle and maybe even snort a bit. I did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S0oqCk6sRI

I wonder if women with back cleavage enjoy their extra pair? I wonder if the men who love them look at their back breasts longingly when they are behind them, and their frontal breasts when they are facing them.

Men, please weigh-in here and let us ladies know if you enjoy a nice pair of back boobs.
Inquiring minds want to know...

Off to look at my back in the mirror...

Ladies, be thankful for your knockers, and gentleman, be thankful you have women who are ready & willing to share their pillows with you. Yes, we are all blessed.

Over the River & Through the Woods...

Our Seemingly Normal Family :)
Read on...

This past couple of weeks has been just a trip at our house! As I previously posted, my children had a wonderful time with everything cold... the refrigerator incident... http://kellysoriginals.blogspot.com/2009/06/water-coffee-creamer-baby-carrot.html

We have also had a hotdog & Cheez-its flushed down the toilet... I'm so thankful it wasn't a braut or a steak, cause I'm not sure it would've flushed without assistance, and I sure hate having toilet water splashed up at me...

The kidlets also took a sneak peek into my purse, ate all of my 3-hour mints (they should be minty fresh for the next 5 days), made a swimming pool out of orange drink, little people & a bowl... not to mention they found my new unopened pack of gum and impacted their mouths with it.

The joys of being a Mother...

Here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks. I will add captions for the full Kelly-esque experience... I'm not adding pictures of the toilet, because that would be, well... weird...
Enjoy...

Gavin DeGraw Concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This was our 3rd Gavin concert within the past year. We were lucky enough to get front row again, which is just absoluely awesome for a blind gal like me...
I could actually see him... and grope him... and bite him... ya know, if I wanted to. ;)

I came back from my 9-day hiatus from work to a brand new computer, which I immediately decorated with Denis Leary. It's so nice to have him at the office every day! We've really bonded...

The kids & I played house. I was the baby. Abbi was the Mommy. As you can see, my sons do not like to be dressed. They like to show off their abs day in & day out... SO into themselves... ;)

Aiden being absolutely illegal. Abbigail does not like anyone in her room. Everything is very neat & tidy, and princess-y... If things are out of order, her toddler OCD kicks in & she goes through the roof.
Aiden likes it...

My friend Amy & I had a girls' night out. I was thankful. Amy chose my drink for me... a peach Sangria. It was a little piece of heaven.

I'm adding this photo because I know my husband reads my blog, and he likes boobies.

My wild babies before the 4th of July Party. This was the day of the Cheez-It incident AND the gum/mint incident.

The party we went to was just absolutely awesome! They had a pond with a little beach for the kids to play on & Mommy's to relax on. In my mind, I was on the beach... sunning in a lounge chair (no sun that day), enjoying the sand (most-likely bought at Walmart), having hunky waiters bringing me fruity drinks (my Diet Coke tasted better than ever!).

We took a walk down to the river through the woods at the party. That reminds me of a song...
Anyway, Logan was taking in all of the wild life, mosquitos, scenery, etc.

At the party, we also played Cornhole (that sounds SO Ohio!, bounced in the blow-up 'castle', jumped on the trampoline and when we got home, we enjoyed the Prospect fireworks right from our front yard.

Ups & downs, and ins and outs... it has really been a great past couple of weeks!
It just took me typing it all out to realize it.
:) -Kelly

Quietly Confident

I have a pet peeve. I can't stand it when people talk about how they have the most beautiful face in the world, the cutest hair, the prettiest smile they've ever seen or the cutest toenails. I'm all about affirmations, but I'm more about common courtesy. When you say you have guys falling at your feet, and you look so damn hot, you are... quite honestly... losing respect every time you open your mouth.

I'm not one to complain about these things normally, but enough is enough. I've seen it more and more lately. To me, the most attractive people in the world are those who are quietly confident. They walk with their heads held high, radiate a fabulously beautiful glow and make you want to be part of THAT confident crowd... not the crowd that talks about how their ass looks so hot in their new jeans or their new thong is so sweet and adorable. UGH! Most of us quietly confident folks DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!

I am NOT a quiet person, but I am quite confident.

That brings me to one of my favorite quotes, written by... me!

Quote: Have you ever noticed that the most attractive people can open their mouths & ruin the whole damn thing?

There is a lot to be said for quiet confidence. You will NEVER hear me say how hot my girls look in a bikini top (though it is my dream to be toned enough to wear one!). I'm not judging the people who do build themselves up. I'm just telling ya sometimes your build up feels like a put-down to others.

Suck it in, stick em out, bat those eyes and sigh... I know... You Are It! Ugh!

Ding-a-ling

**The Smart Ass**

My head is spinning from listening to the twins (my kids, not my breasts) playing pretend all morning (because breasts playing pretend would just be, well... strange).

Anyway, the kids have been playing with this little broken plastic purple house. I can't throw it away, because they would know. Even if I do something 'without them knowing', they know! They hunt me down and poke & prod at me all day. They stalk me! So, in short, the broken plastic purple house stays. I don't feel like being poked today.

Along with the plastic brokenness, they also have little tiny dogs and cats who have apparently morphed into my children in their minds. At one point today, Abbigail yelled "MOM!" hysterically 3 times. When I finally asked what was going on, she said scoldingly, "I am not talking to you!" with a giant sigh. I love it! I can sit back and not answer to "Mom" today... yay!

Since I hear "Mom" an estimated 5,000 times a day (more if I'm not working), I appreciate this pretend time. Aiden earlier yelled, "get outta this house or I will beat you." Now please realize, we don't say things of this sort to or around the kids. They do have an oddly fascinating love for the Powerpuff Girls, and I believe they are the cause of my children's evil-ness as of late. As a friend of mine would say, "bugger!"... we HAVE come to an understanding that the word 'Stupid' s NOT allowed in this house. I hate that word!

Among the list of other words I hate:
-Tender (ugh!)
-C*nt (just don't say it... I will gag)
-Scrotum (seriously, who would name a body part a 'scrotum' that is so close to another body part that is supposed to turn us on... YUCK!)
-Puss (uck... in every sense of the word! SO Gross!)
-Buford & Hog Leg (the two words my ex nicknamed his ding-a-ling.. he was obviously delusional, and I'm quite sorry he isn't computer savvy, cause I sure would love for him to see this. Heheheehehe *evil snicker*)

So, back to playing pretend, although I greatly enjoyed that little detour, while watching & listening to the kids, I realized how much people in general play pretend... put up a facade. I'm guilty of it. I'm sure you are too on occasion.

How often, in passing, does someone ask you how you're doing, and you say 'fine'. Rarely are we just 'fine'... but we continue to say it, whether we just want to get the hell away from the person asking, or we just don't feel like getting into the drama called our lives. To me, 'fine' is just a reflex now. I'm not sure that many of the people who ask really care. I think the 'how are you's' and 'how's it goin's' are actually auto-pilot questions, too. Sure, some people truly care when they ask, but often, it's just a formality.

One goal I have set for myself lately is to not ask cookie-cutter questions & reply to others with cookie-cutter answers. Who cares if they don't really care when they ask? At least YOU are being authentic if you give an honest answer. I appreciate it when people are genuine. I try to be. I almost always am, but sometimes 'fine' is just easier.

Make-believe for kids is a bit more innocent than grown-up 'play'. We adults really 'play' eachother constantly... go through the motions. It would be nice to know what people really think.

Then again, maybe a touch of make-believe isn't so bad. I tend to like this little place I call my lala land... a little too much. I don't think I could give it up. It's definitely my happy place.

So... my plan? I'll continue to be happy in my own little world, and to allow the slaps of reality to only burden me when they are truly important. Healthy? Maybe not. But it's my world, and I'll be enjoying the blissful chaos day after day...

Wanna join me?

Risky Business & Late Night Picnics

I've drank both nights this weekend. After Friday night's solo drinking, I had no next-day side effects. Unfortunately my luck didn't carry over into today. I'm so tired. My head hurts. And I now know that Jack Daniel's Down Home Punch is not the best beverage for a calorie-counting weight loser. I've concluded that skinny girls who drink every night must not eat... they drink their calories. I've realized that unless I can bite into it, it's probably not worth the calories... unless it's a cappuccino, or some other type of fancy coffee. I think I'll stick to my natural high-on-life perspective. It's much cozier here.

I was quite amused when one of my best friends stopped by at 1:30am yesterday. We had a middle of the night picnic outside. These are the activities that can only be truly appreciated while intoxicated. We laid there & talked... I drank my punch. She drank her Koolaid. We act drunk even when we're not, so the picnic wasn't much of a stretch for either of us. We ate Doritos together, and attempted to play Marco Polo with other drunken neighbors. We thought about fishing in the creek next to my house, but resorted to just laying there... I love laying in the grass... whether I'm under the influence or not. It's a strange fixation of mine. I could probably sleep outside every night & be perfectly peaceful... if it weren't for psycho serial killers & the crazy neighbor lady who asks us to petition for big trucks to be moved from the immediate area. Yeah, she sucks.

On a happy note, I'm starting to be able to feel a difference in my clothes since I've been losing weight. It feels good! I am appreciating the ride... I decided to do that... to enjoy the process, rather than only appreciating the end result. I feel better about myself after a straight month of journaling and hard work. And, other than this day-after-drunkenness setback, I have had very few days where I go to bed or wake up feeling exhausted. I'm much more energetic, and that makes me one seriously happy loser!

I've gotten away from posting a quote each day. I'll try. No promises, but I do promise to try ;)

Today's Quote:

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

-Rodney Dangerfield

Have a great day! I'm off to drink lots of water now... need to stock up on the ripply goodness of Cottonelle.

Kell ;)

Dragging Cats & Missing Appendages

I hate driving. I truly do. I take that back... I like driving to and from work only. I love listening to my music at illegal volumes, singing even louder & tuning out everything that is evil... including my cell phone.

I'm also not much of a phone person. I have a select few people I enjoy talking to on the phone. Other than that, I screen. I don't mean to be a screener... I know it's quite rude, but know in advance... if you call me, there is a good chance I'll look at my caller ID and put my phone down, emptily promising myself to call you later.

Now if you text me, I'll most-likely answer. I wish all of the calls I get at work could just arrive in text form. For such a social person, I sure do enjoy technology! I'd rather see your face when we talk to me... or just not talk at all. It's not you, it's me. And it has nothing to do with how much I like you, or how interesting you come across on the phone... well, actually it has everything to do with that, but I wouldn't want to hurt any feelings here.

Back to driving... I have hit several mailboxes in my day. Luckily they weren't too badly injured, and I drive pretty much the same, even though I no longer have a passenger side mirror, due to my love for touching mailboxes with my rear views. I truly don't miss it. For a while, I left it hanging there, cracked & broken, whipping in the wind. One day I was guilt-stricken. I felt like an evil cat hitter dragging the cat at high speeds down a busy highway, while people called 911 to report mirror/cat abuse. I couldn't afford jail time and my conscious couldn't take it, so now I'm just completely mirrorless on that side. It's sort of like having one ear, one breast or one eye... you have to work a little harder to do every day things (such as cut people off) but in the long run, we become stronger people because of it.

You see, in the rearview mirror of life, you may see things differently than you would if they were in front of you. For instance, if a mailbox hit me, I may think twice about driving too closely to the right side of the road. If I called God and he checked his caller ID only to promise to call me later, I may be more apt to answer my phone. My running into mailboxes has taught me a lot. I will now be writing a book... "Everything I've Learned in This Life I've Learned from Hitting Mailboxes"...

It's the smallest events in life which teach us the biggest lessons.

-Kelly ;)

My Fondness for Gavin DeGraw & some gossip that would make him NOT fond of me :0)

Well, I blogged last week about how dissapointed I was that we did not get our tickets for the Gavin DeGraw concert in time.

I've been a bit sad about it ever since... but then I realized that no experience could possibly top the Gavin experience I had last year!

See captions below for some humor, lots of happiness & some juicy gossip!

This will nix the chance of me EVER being a real friend of Gavin's, but what are the chances anyway?

If you love Gavin, even partially as much as I do, you will enjoy the story!

This is my husband & I meeting Gavin. After seeing the picture, I felt a little guilty. It looks like I'm completely ignoring Joel. Of course, I really was. I see him every day! How often do I get to love on a beautiful, famous man? Seriously?!

We had meet & greet tickets (courtesy of craigslist.com) and were 2 of the lucky 12 people who enjoyed a mini performance by Gavin before the show.

See the girl in the purple with the big boobs? Gavin called her on her cell phone and uh... they got together!

He met her in Cincinnati the month before (we were at that concert, too) and they hooked up! Gavin called her a week before this show (Columbus, OH) to make sure she was coming to see him again. After the meet & greet, and before the performance, Gavin came around the front of the arena (The LC) and took her to his bus with him. She was 19. Gavin is in his early 30's!

She didn't keep quiet about it... I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing here, right?! :0)

This is Gavin playing his beautiful, sparkly piano at the Meet & Greet/Mini-Performance. He is amazing live! After-thought: I wonder how he has big-boob girl saved in his phone? Maybe 'Ohio Hook-up'... I wonder if there is one in each state?! Hmmm....


Gavin on guitar at the Meet and Greet. He is equally good on his guitar!
He is an amazing guy: Songwriter, Singer, Pianist, Guitarist... he does it all... I'm sure! LOL!

This is Gavin signing our posters. He also tried to leave my voicemail message on my cell phone (see Joel getting it ready?)... He said, "Hey! You've reached Kell's Cell... leave her a message." Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and all you could hear was background noise. I was terribly disappointed. I'm over it. :0) This was August 2008. LOL! I got lots of hugs from him that day, but I now know he was thinking of big boob girl the entire time. ;)

Just a couple notes of interest:

-We were in the front row at the concert. It was amazing. I could actually see the whole thing!

-The drummer came down & gave Joel one of his drumsticks after the concert. I have it on my 'Gavin Wall'... I'll post pics of my wall sometime for ya!

-I love every single song from Gavin's first 2 CD's and my absolute favorite Gavin song is "Let's Get it On", which he performs in concert, but does not have recorded. I don't think Marvin Gaye would mind! You can find Gavin's version on Limewire.

-I'm having a difficult time warming up to Gavin's new CD "FREE"... I love 'Dancing Shoes' and 'Stay'. His voice is amazing as always, but some of the arrangements are very strange. I hope the CD grows on me.

-Gavin does lots of charity work & I follow him on MySpace and Facebook (not stalkerish, I promise)... he is truly a really good guy...

A good guy that enjoys big boobs...