To Serve & Protect

We have had some delicate situations happening simultaneously lately. It has caused me to put my book on the back burner, not only because I have had to deal with these personal concerns (although those seem to be pushed aside as well), but also because the book brings up emotions I sometimes find difficult to feel back to back. Chapters go much more quickly than life.

It's interesting writing. If you have an emotional connection with the topic you are writing about, or the characters, you automatically feel their sorrow, happiness, nostalgia, etc. When you have emotional events going on in your personal life, writing can either take your mind off the personal gloom, or it can put a damper on your private joys.

My husband is currently sitting in a meeting with his coworkers and the sheriff, finding out the fate of his employment. He has been a loyal, non-discriminatory, stand-up deputy sheriff for nearly five years now. The rumor is that the office will be laying off 15 employees. Eight cuts have already been made. Joel is the fourth deputy from the bottom of the hiring list. He does not have much seniority. He just sent me a text, telling me that the meeting is not even close to being adjourned. Those poor men and women have been in that room for four hours now. Like Joel, many of the deputies have families, homes, car payments and many other expenses, and like Joel, they thought, until two days ago, that their positions as DEPUTIES were safe and secure.

I was stunned when Joel first told me. I am still stunned. Hopefully tonight we will have some answers. The waiting is the worst part. Every time I have heard about a company laying their workers off, I have pictured our family in that position, and have felt so terrible for those workers. I never truly understood the severity of their situation until now. Now I get it. Now I understand why people go to extremes. We are not the type, but I understand.

Whatever Joel finds out, I am going to be there for him. We will get through this. My pay will not support our family. Thankfully my dad owns his own business and Joel can help him out. How long will the layoffs be? Maybe we'll have some clearer picture at some point. I do know that if Joel is laid off, they have to give us two-weeks prior notice. I also know that we will have some trying times ahead.

My book is going to find it's way right back up the "Thing To Do" list. I'm sure many great writers have trials and tribulations, and still manage to find time and courage to write. I just need to be stronger... for my family and me.

Update: Because of my husband's awesome coworkers (don't read previous post about them being cheaters, etc.), Joel and the other deputies will be KEEPING their jobs. Joel is STILL in the meeting five hours later, and will probably be there until his shift begins at 11pm, but he is satisfied. Pay cuts will be happening, but because of the wonderful commodore, the deputies all agreed to forego their raises this year in order for everyone to keep their jobs. Now THAT'S a team!God Bless You All!

Some Cop Humor: A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

Amazing Little Phrases...

I've been at a conference these past two days. A fabulous conference. It's the type of conference you actually LOOK FORWARD to going to... good food, entertaining, informative speakers, comfy seats that spin AND recline and did I mention the food?! It was two days of bliss for me! (Plus I had my hair done after the first day! Bliss I tell ya!)

Some of the information discussed was so very deep, and above my head that it took me several minutes to process single sentences and phrases.

Hurt people hurt people.


Think about that.


I did. For quite a while. I texted the words to my assistant. She didn't get it either. Typing the words into my little phone sent a tiny little current from my fingers to my brain. Hurt people really DO hurt people.


I'm not going to drone on and on about how we hurt people and hurt ourselves. I just thought that was an amazing little phrase. No, I'm NOT chanting for anyone to go out and hurt people. That was how I first interpreted the phrase, too.


Sometimes we so quickly jump into a fit of rage with a coworker who didn't include our name in an email, a friend who didn't return a phone call or a salesman who didn't say thank you, but we have no idea what may be going on behind the scenes. That person may have just been diagnosed with breast cancer. They may have just lost a child in recent months. That individual could have just found out an hour before that he or she is being laid off indefinitely. Due to the economy and the financial crisis, your friend's cell phone may have been shut off, and she was unable to return your call.


One trait I pride myself on is my friendliness. I rarely meet a stranger, I treat people with respect and I enjoy the fact that people know I genuinely care for them, with all of my heart. I'm not saying I never fly off the handle. It happens. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I suppose) it happens more at home than it does in public, but I often laugh at myself after yelling at the kids or telling my husband to go to hell. I laugh mainly because no one on this God-given earth knows how in the hell to take me seriously.


Laughter helps me to make it through the doldrums of the every day. It helps me to put life into perspective. It helps me in my work, in my home life, in my novel, with my OCD (obsessively and compulsively delusional... (self diagnosed) and mainly when I begin to hysterically laugh at extremely inappropriate times.


It's so important and necessary to let the small things go (really, who cares if a coworker doesn't CC you on an email?), realize the possible reality (she could have a major crisis going on in her personal life) and remember to laugh really, really loud... and mean it!


Just Let it Go, Love & Laugh. It's THAT Easy!

Pure Profoundness

Okay, so believe it or not, this entry is going to be completely genuine and possibly profound. It's a reminiscence. When I find myself in one of these moods, I roll with it... not only because I enjoy the nostalgia, but also because it makes for fabulous writing!

As you can see by my last blog entry, last time I checked in I was NOT feeling nostalgic, nor serious. That was over a week ago. The blog feeling has just not been with me. Call it's bloggers block or typers thwart. Whatever it is, it sucks. I literally sat down at my computer every single night to type to all of my (4) loyal fans, only to find I had nothing intriguing to blog about. I tried. I truly did. I looked to other blogs for inspiration. I checked my other online outlets often, but no revelations came to me. Until today...

I recently ordered a book from Amazon, entitled More List Yourself. I remember having the original book a few years ago, and not writing in it, after deciding that it required way too much thought. Back then, I fought every single feeling I had, and refused to entertain any idea of improving myself from the inside, afraid that I might accidentally find a repressed feeling that I may not be able to deal with.

Today I embrace these feelings. If I remember something hurtful I FIND a way to deal with it. I have been very blessed, and have come to realize that I am not beyond asking for help.

Some forms of assistance I may require on any given day:

-Friends

-Texting

-Family

-Prayer

-Sleep (10-12 hours please)

-Alcohol

-Anti-depressents

-Anti-psychotics

-Anti-anxiety medications

-A cocktail of the above listed ingredients

-A good book

-A vacation

-Sex

-Dr. Christian Troy, the remote & my bed

-A good workout

-Again... a cocktail of the above mentioned items & man

-A bubble bath

-A hot shower

-A mani/pedi

-A dozen pillows, my bed & a stack of good magazines

-Catalogs & endless money

-Panera

-Vente Mocha

-A love letter

-Music

-Cool, crisp air

-Hot, steamy sex dreams

Add your own to create your own happy list. Just making the stupid list will enlighten you, and listening to Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' with your kids. Pure bliss!

See, I told you it would be profound!

When Birthday Gifts Go Bad...

My thank you note to Aunt Nola for my beautiful birthday gift:







Dear Aunt Nola,

I wish to express my sincere gratitude for the lovely rooster maple syrup dispenser you blessed me with for my birthday this year. I apologize for the delay in thanking you properly. I have been so unbelievably busy contemplating where to situate the lovely rooster, I haven't found time for much else.

I have finally come to the conclusion that the best placement for the beloved fowl will be in our completely jam-packed storage unit. There, we can guarantee the cock's safety, all boxed up with the various other 'collectibles' we will never, ever have any bit of use for.

What were you thinking? I hate roosters! I don't enjoy any type of capon.
Aunt Nola, I do appreciate the sentiment, but next time, just send me money. I know you're loaded. A $100 bill would suit me just fine.

And, by the way, maple syrup can be purchased in it's very own disposable container right at the grocery store nowadays! Why pour it into an ugly ceramic bird of sorts, when you can just pour it from the container it comes in, right onto your pancakes?
Things have changed a lot over the last 90 years! I'm surprised you could still order out of that JC Penney catalog you ordered our gifts from when we were children.

God Bless!
Your Grateful Niece,
Kelly

PS: I have enclosed the latest edition of the JC Penney Catalog for your viewing pleasure.

Be You & I'll Be Me

I've spent a lot of time lately pondering self-esteem, and how we deal with body image. There are not many women I know personally who are 100% sure of themselves. I would venture to guess that in the pie of life, there would be a teensy, weensy slice reserved for self-confident, radiant women, who do not have an ounce of confidence issues. I believe we are programmed to be worriers, and along with that worry, there will inevitably be self worries.

Quite honestly, I don't have time to just sit and think about my own bodily issues, or how I think Taylor Swift has beautiful hair and porcelain skin, but slitty eyes. I cannot even imagine the crap people come up with about me. I think it's fun to try to guess, though!

My whole point being, self-esteem and body image are always going to exist. We can never escape backhanded compliments, what is said to be constructive criticism, hateful comments, etc. What we can do, is learn to snap right back with a catchy phrase of our own, let the hurtful remarks go, consider the source and move on.

I have always been the type to relive situations over and over again. I remember a fellow student telling me I was not as good at her in a particular class (which I happened to be VERY good at) my sophomore year of high school. I took this so badly that I withdrew, and in all honesty, I did become 'not so good.' After realizing how incredibly stupid that was, I picked myself right back up, and blew her mediocre ass away in that class! I've often thought about that comment since. If someone tells me I'm not good enough, I'm going to prove to them, and to everyone else, that I am THAT good.... and if I realize I'm not, I will let it go, but not until I've given it my all. Then I will choose something else to kick ass at. That's just me.

So you be you, and I'll be me and that's just the way we'll leave it for now. Who cares what people think of you? They may push you to pursue avenues you believed were foolish before, but are infact prosperous now.

A Special Holiday

Every single day is a holiday! Working as an Activity Director, I've learned this. Hallmark probably loves this! Heck, Hallmark probably created them all!

You can check out each month's special & crazy days by going to the following website: http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/index.htm. There are others I log onto also, but they require a membership fee. This one is completely free. I recommend it if you enjoy having something to celebrate every day.

The reason I bring this up now is because wednesday, the 4th is "Thank a Mailman Day." The following story will help you to understand why this day is special to me.

After I gave birth to Logan in 2006, I woke up one morning, planning to enjoy a day out with my mom. I felt a little 'off' when I woke up, but I hadn't felt quite right since I had given birth (who does?), and I was really anxious to enjoy some time with my mother, so we hopped on the freeway, and wound up at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite places to splurge.

Once we sat down, we ordered our iced tea, and I began to notice that I was having more and more difficulty talking. When our drinks arrived, I couldn't drink through the straw. Something wasn't right, but I didn't want Mom to worry, so I kept up with my chipper facade, and made it through brunch.

After our meal, Mom and I shopped a bit at the restaurant, and then went elsewhere to find some bargains. I was feeling worse and worse, and by this time, Mom knew it. I felt bad. I didn't want to ruin the day. I was still pretty much in denial at this point. I thought maybe I was just pushing my luck by attempting too much, too soon. Many men would not agree, but shopping can be very strenuous, especially for a Mom of 2-year old twins and a newborn!

By early evening I was ready to call it quits. Mom dropped me off at home, encouraging me to call her if I needed anything at all. She and Dad were going out for their anniversary.

Needless to say, I ruined their anniversary. I called her about two hours after she had dropped me off. I don't know if I had time to dwell on it at home, or my paranoia had set it, but in a single instant I knew something was terribly wrong with me. I just knew I had suffered a stroke. I looked in the mirror, and one side of my face was completely droopy. I couldn't smile on one side, and my eye wouldn't blink. I looked terrible. I sobbed... and sobbed... and sobbed. Mom and Dad were about half an hour away. They said they would be right over.

They were there within 20 minutes. Mom and Dad bothed rushed into the house. Joel and I were ready to go to the hospital. Mom could tell my face looked worse than it had when she dropped me off just a while ago. She mentioned Bell's Palsy, and gave me a brief description of it. I was clueless. Dad was worried, and just as in the dark as I was.

To make a long ER story short, I found out I did, indeed, have Bell's Palsy and it could last anywhere from a few days to months to years to forever, and if it did go away, it could recur. How informative! I left the hospital that night devastated. There is an undeniable body image setback that goes along with having a child, but when your face is possibly forever changed, as well, that is a completely different story.

My dad starting making phone calls right away. Somehow he wound up speaking with Jay McCamos, a family friend, and a local mail deliverer. Jay had a friend who has also suffered with Bell's Palsy and had been treated by a local doctor, the late Dr. John Lawson. I called Dr. Lawson's office first thing monday morning and was able to see him that day.

Dr. Lawson fixed me. I have said that since the day I first saw him. He started fixing me that day, and it didn't take long before I was completely 'fixed up'. I thank Jay, Jay's friend Jim and of course the doctor for that.

Without Jay's connections, I would never have known that there were treatments that could be administered locally. The local hospital told me the Bell's Palsy would have to run it's course.

I have no doubt that Jay would have done this for anyone, not just someone he knows. He's just a great guy.

Thank you Jay, and YOU get my award for Thank a Mailman Day!

Letting Go...

My sole purpose in creating a blog was to peak an interest in my novel-in-the-making. It's slow, sure and incredibly personal to me, and thus far I am having a very difficult time sharing even the slightest bit of outline with anyone, even my husband.

I will tell you that the main character is just like many women I know, read about and see on television. We are all trying to find our way. Either we have never felt the true happiness we deserve and desire, or we have suffered a horrific loss, and have been thrown into an endless tunnel with absolutely no light to guide the way. This is the case in the novel.

The point of writing I am encountering right now is literally heart wrenching to write. This poor young woman has been through such agony, and though happiness may infact be awaiting her right around the corner, she may not be able to take any more hurt in her life.

I, quite honestly, tried to bring my unrealistic, off the wall sense of humor (the way I get through each day) to the story, to emphasize how very important comedy can be in times of horrific hurt.

As I let go of my unhealthy relationship with my story, little by little, I will share more with you. :)

Please feel free to leave me comments on my blog. I love comments, constructive criticism and even just mean people telling me to go to hell. Any feedback is better than none, right?

Thanks for reading!